I just found out I am a Warm Autumn. A what? Well, it is based on my skin's undertones, hair and eye color. I look good in spicy, autumn colors, rich hues of gold, yellows, reds, browns and even forest green. It is supposedly the palette that I should choose when I am shopping for clothes, accessories and even make-up. This revelation has been so liberating. I could shout, "I get me finally!" Okay, maybe that is a bit farfetched, but really it explains why pastels look terrible on me as well as black and white together. I am a Warm Autumn and that just doesn't mesh well with those colors.
I guess a part of me has always known that earthy, fall tones and colors compliment me best, yet I am guilty of really trying to attempt all black or a pastel pink(yes, I was the little girl that thought she would be a ballerina). I ended up looking pasty, dull and somehow out of place.
Ever do that? Find yourself trying to be something you are not? Or, maybe it isn't that...maybe it is just that you are trying to hard to make a label go away?
I am not sure if I will ever accept every part of me-good and flawed or that I will ever stop manipulating things or twisting myself to fit a mold that I think is best. However, God sometimes wants us to step out of our own perspectives. Look beyond what seems impossible or just doesn't seem to fit us.
I am usually pretty good about embracing what I think works for me or is best for me, but when God asks me to do or be something that doesn't come naturally, I think He must be kidding.
The day I realized God was asking me to quit my job and stay at home, I thought He was crazy. I couldn't grasp being at home and being fulfilled by that career shift. I am just plain selfish here. I don't understand it now and I wrestle daily with the Lord about how I am the wrong gal for the job. (I have no patience for kneading dough or as in an earlier blog, cleaning up gross things). I sometimes feel like I'm living some other persons' dream, goal or journey.
God is calling me to do this because He doesn't want any other person for the task. He called Moses to help rescue the Israelites from Egypt, Jonah to speak to Nineveh about repenting, Mary to bear Jesus through a virgin birth. Moses (or Mosette would be my name) questioned his self-worth, capability and he was fearful. Jonah just ran. Mary, oh how I need to respond like her with complete faith and obedience...(sometimes I do).
I am scared of what God has called me to be recently and there are days I have to wonder what He is thinking, but I am gonna hold on...Hey, who knows I might knead bread with a smile. (Doubt it, but one can hope). ;)