Thursday, January 26, 2012

Trying Something New...

I am a big fan of trying new things. No wait, no I'm not. Well, okay...depends.

I was super excited about sewing my son's baby blanket. (I am in no way a sewer...just for clarification) Then again, I felt overwhelmed and thought, what am I thinking? Sure, I know how to cut fabric and run the machine sort of, but to actually make a semi-decent blanket...ummm,hmmm.

Do you ever find yourself torn like that? You don't want to be fearful, but you don't want to experience rejection, failure or pain? Yeah, me too!!

So I am trying something new again. (Sweet hubby is sweating in panic at the moment). I know, this could end in disaster. Somehow, I don't think that will happen in this case.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Party For Two

Two years. Really?
I get the privilege of raising two sons. Trading dolls for trains. I don't know if words can truly describe Grant. My brown-eyed cutie with the best dimple in town! His sweet grins and infectious laughter fills my life, my rooms daily. You are tender and silly. You came into the world differently than your big brother, but at least you came into the world! You have a quiet strength. I love that about you. You are a great hugger!

A party for two.

We celebrated Grant's 2nd birthday today. We let Big Brother share the day since their birthdays are so close.

I borrowed inspiration and ideas from two different blogs I found to create a unique cupcake decoration using a Thomas the Train theme. and Thomas, Edward, Dennis and Mavis are hauling some important cargo. Animals, fish, and the number 2 for Grant!

See pictures below:

You grabbed a cookie before a cupcake and that just makes me smile. The party was a success.

Grant, I am so glad to have you in my life. Daddy and I love you so much.

Happy Birthday Grant!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Some vivid accounts...

Writing for 5 minutes using the word vivid as my subject. From:

5 meanings for the word and I am gonna try to write about all of them.

1. Snow is the whitest white I know. Sometimes when I see it sparkle in the sun I am reminded of how my understanding of Jesus is...a pure sparkle, a hope, beautiful, Savior to the world.

2. The Painted Bunting (a bird everyone should see) is the most brilliant of birds I have seen. Every color of the rainbow seems to exist on this bird. Blue, red, green and even a hint of indigo blaze on this bird. Only the males possess such coloring, but it is one of the most delightful creatures to me.

3. I have never been a big fan of vivid accounts of hard, disturbing things, but mine is the like that unfortunately! I was in the passenger seat on Halloween night when my friend and I saw a young man on the side of the road waving us down. He had been in an accident. He looked as if he was wearing a mask. He WAS NOT. He lost one eye. His face mangled like road kill and blood was everywhere. I held his hand. I don't know if he survived.

4. Sometimes memories are a curse. Especially uncomfortable or painful ones! Like the time my dad said my thinking was futile. Nice, huh? I am still taking that memory captive to the Lord.

5. I have always been told I have a vivid imagination at times. I think children are better at it though. I do think of things pretty quickly. Like what if we all had purple hair, horns on our heads and possessed one magic power? What would the world be like then?

Vivid...what a great word.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012


I have a bunch of disconnected fruit in my fridge. They were all picked off their bush or tree where they once enjoyed the company of similar fruit friends.

As I relish in their sweetness, mouthful after mouthful, I don't feel guilty that they will no longer exist after my family and I have devoured them. Thank goodness fruit doesn't have feelings!

But...I do.
I am fully stocked with feelings, thoughts, ideas, well you get the picture.

I need to be connected...daily. I am not numb when plucked away from others (even if by choices for jobs, etc.).

I have many long distant relationships now and it amazes me at how hard it is to stay connected to those whom I hold dear.

Anyone else wish they had their own jet plane?

I miss my best friend. I miss my brother. I miss my friends in Ft. Collins. I try to write, text, email, call, and do Facebook, but it just isn't the same as seeing them regularly face to face.

ONE week without communication with them makes me feel more distant from them. It is like leading a double life where I am one way when they are in it and another when they are not.

I possess another relationship which needs consistent contact and that changes me whether I am in it or not:
My relationship with God.

If I spend even a few days without Him, I encounter a lack of peace, emptiness, and that gnawing sense that something is missing. I am grumpier, more impatient, more insecure, even hopeless at times.

I just don't function correctly without staying connected to the ONLY source that brings me true satisfaction...sustaining, lasting peace.

John 15:7 (NLT) says, "Remain in me and I will remain in you..." and John 14:27 (NLT) says,"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives..."

The more I know Him, the more I feel amalgamated to Him. I experience His peace more often.

I am just restless by nature. My heart won't sit still.
I yearn for others to know how important they are to me.
BUT...Our busy lives get in the way!

Thank goodness the Lord is always available. I don't have to work around His schedule. Too bad He gets misplaced by mine.

So to those present relationships (and you know who you are), I miss you. My heart aches when I haven't been around you, talked with you or shared my life with you.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

4 years to this day...

Seems like it was only yesterday that my firstborn son, Schafer was resting on my tummy. Brand new to the world. Such a gift that I couldn't wait to show off. I had to wait five days past my due date to meet him. I was so impatient.

My mind still smiles and my heart still beams with the memories of those first few weeks with him. He was so tiny. So fragile, but strong. Hubby and I were so sleep deprived. In a fog. We were so in love with this sweet little boy. Still are.
He used to cry more, smile while nursing, and sleep in the most peaceful way I have ever seen. He used to love kicking his legs for fun.

Oh, those big blue eyes with the longest eyelashes I have ever seen. He still has them only he is bigger. Now, he speaks in paragraphs. He brushes his own teeth. He tells jokes and prays precious thoughts to the Lord.

Am I raising him right? Will he be a man of God?
I am doing my best. I want him to be a person filled with mercy, compassion, love, respect for others, manners and a deep passion for the Lord.

I miss the days I could just hold him and he didn't wiggle to be free, but I like how friendly and kind he is now. How he can tell me what he needs and wants.

I am so lucky to celebrate this special day for such a special person.

Happy Birthday Schafer!

Friday, January 13, 2012

I'm Awake Now!

AWAKE ...Five minutes to write about this...

It is 7 am. I am still dog tired. I don't want to get up. I am coming out of the sleepy dream state and into a new day. Ughhh!

Tap, tap, tap. "Huh?" "Hi Mom!" "Oh, Bean (nickname for 4 yr. old boy), you scare me when you do that!"

"I'm awake now. Can I come in your bed with you?" "I don't have poopy in my diaper." (we are still working on nighttime potty training)

So he crawls in and lays on my hubbies' pillow. He faces me and pretends to sleep. He twitches, and I can feel his little body's heat. I pretend to sleep, but I can't help but peek to see that sweet face. I can't believe how lucky I am to have this little, sweet person in my life.

He decides he is done pretending to sleep and asks,"Can you scratch my back?"
I do, and I smile. I have to hug him. I don't want this precious moment to end. Before I know it, he will not do this one day. It will be weird for all of us then.

I don't want to get out of bed. He wants to play. I really don't want to be awake, but I am glad I didn't miss this memory I will treasure, keep in my heart forever.

Better than any alarm ever!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I miss Dionne, the Kid

I miss my kid self. No, I don't miss all things childhood, but as I was showing my children the few toys I've made a point to hang onto, I felt myself wince with a bit of pain. Somewhere along the way to adolescence, I was forced to give up "playing." And it hurts even still.
I just miss the child me. I was shy, a giggler, kind, naive, playful, not bossy and VERY girlie. I liked looking pretty, twirling my dresses and curling my hair. I loved to play!

I can think of two reasons why this is bothering me. My sons. The absence of my mother. My sons will be celebrating their birthdays soon which means they are growing up. My mom won't be there to celebrate. I miss her. She loved birthdays and always made mine special. I think letting go of childhood means we let go of that part of our mother's mothering too! That sucks...for lack of a better word.

I am really not sure why seeing my toys recently has caused me a weird round of grief. Maybe trying to remember how to play (mind you with boys...okay I have a brother which helps) again has triggered something? Maybe because sometimes being a grown-up isn't fun? I would like to relive the day when the only worry in life was deciding which trinkets were going to occupy my imaginary world.

Here are some of my greatest treasures:

My oldest toy is a Mickey Mouse doll whose legs move when you squeeze his hands. Still works!

My absolute favorite doll, Sea Wees Mermaid who came with a foam, blue lily pad, and a matching mermaid baby (I still have that too, but the tail was bit off by one of my childhood dogs). Talk about the BEST bathtub toy!

Cabbage Patch Premie doll. I named him, Ian Samuel.

Chewbacca. Okay, I loved Star Wars...I am an 80's child. They didn't have a life-sized Princess Leia! I liked him because he was a monster that was friendly and different from my other dolls.

My Little Pony. This was around the time that I was starting to grow out of playing, but I did manage to collect quite a few. Parasol is the pony on the right with rainbow colored hair. The Seahorse's name I can't remember or find. Both came with combs for their hair.

I don't think there is a soul that doesn't have a beloved toy. Whether it kept one feeling safe or was just beyond the word fun, toys have some emotion or memory attached to them. Like Mickey Mouse above, I loved all things Disney and this doll was a unique toy that I was given during my 4th yr. of life. I don't remember much from that time, but I hung onto this toy for some reason. The mermaid above was my favorite bath toy and I remember wanting hair like hers (when I am 80 I get to relish that my hair will be like hers)! Ha Ha! My mermaid had many adventures and a run in with my brother's JAWS toy! Don't worry, as you can see she survived the attack.

One of the best parts of motherhood is reliving the toy phase. Only I have boys. I have to buy boy toys. I did buy an age appropriate action figure from the Rescue Heroes series named, Billy Blazes (he is a fireman). Today, one of my Barbies and him had a conversation about finding her lost dog! Hehehe...I am playing.

I think letting go of our childhood is a loss. One that isn't spoken on or at least I haven't seen much written on it in grief articles, books, etc. Maybe it is time to face the truth that this loss is significant and
be okay with it. Maybe I have secretly looked forward to motherhood and being a grandparent because I have an excuse to truly play as I did when I was young.

Either way, it's a loss that I don't think I have "moved thru."

Somehow I just can't free my mind the way my kids do, but it is still fun to be apart of that world again.

What about you? What was your most beloved toy? How do you feel about letting go of childhood?

Monday, January 9, 2012

Twilight Zone at the bookstore

Ever have one of those moments or days that is so weird or random? Hubby coined it as a Twilight Zone experience.

This past Sunday, Hubby and I with kids in tow decided to shop at Barnes and Noble with a gift card we received from my best friend.
What harm or weirdness could occur at a bookstore right? Not like you expect someone to rob the place..."give me all your books or else"...okay I probably went to far.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Want some punch?

Writing Prompt: Tell us about something you punched:


Okay, Where do I start? I'm kidding.

I am NOT bragging below nor claiming I am proud, but I will admit that...

I have punched, no obliterated a pillow. Yes, after punching, I tore it to shreds pillow. (Post-part em makes you do crazy stuff man).

I have punched "punching" bags, my high school locker (metal and an ugly pastel yellow, but that is not why I punched it), the air, and two people. One girl and one male college student.

The locker and the male college student COMPLETELY deserved it. I punched the male college student to save myself from him. He was beginning to be an abusive boyfriend. Not that one should ever have to justify defending ones self.

Well, the locker incident was instead of saying or doing something I would regret. Surprisingly, I didn't break or hurt my hand really.

All in all, I don't go around punching things. These have been rare occasions when my anger or grief or the need to protect myself overcame turning the other cheek or escaping the situation in a different manner.

Well, what have you punched? C'mon, no one is judging.
If they do...well, you know. Just kidding

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


Two pairs of pants. Three layers of shirts. One heavy down jacket. Thick gloves, hat, binoculars...30 degrees isn't going to stop me from finding some birds!

Yes, this past Monday I went to look for birds. What? Did you just say, "Look outside your window, dummy and you're bound to find them." Ha, ha, cute. True, noted and ignored.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

New Post for the New Year...Reflections, Fortitudes, and Resolutions???

A family tradition: Black-eyed Peas for good luck.

Hmmm, what to write for a New post in a New Year?
Well, of course one might expect me to write about my New Year's resolution. Obviously New Year's resolutions set us up for disappointment. We should set healthy goals all year round.

So what will be my rambling (in royal purple text...oooh) subject for today? Read more...
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