This Post says I love you in a whole new way!

 

Just when you think you are truly alone or no one notices you,

when you believe no one understands your struggle or hurts,

perhaps, you think no one is listening...

And then:

He paints this picture for you.

You hear, "Bring me your heart. Commit your way to me and trust me and I will make your righteousness reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.

I see you and I know your struggles." Psalm 37:5-6

There IS a God who sees us- El Roi (El Raw-ee) 

the name Hagar the slave gave to him.

Happy Valentine's Day. May we see it differently today!

Too pooped to party-encouraging all those tired mommas!

Okay, anyone else ever feel like the Tasmanian Devil? Yet, when the spit noises and twirling fast like a mad woman are over, you feel dizzy and too pooped to party? My heart is full of a serving attitude and deep in me-this calling to lead, to sacrifice, to use my artistic gifts is a twisting tornado that begs to leave a loving imprint behind, but this momma needs to rest.

As much as I would love to convince you that I am Wonder Woman, I don't think you would buy it!
     There are just times in life when you really can't stop. You have said no to all you can, but little ones can't be neglected or feed themselves. Injured hubbies can't do the work. Laundry eventually has to be washed AND two birthdays of two precious sons beg to be celebrated.

Ever wonder how we do it? Where the energy or strength comes from?  It HAS to be the Lord. We must rely on him all times so we can do more than survive life...where we surf our Lord's "Energy and Love Wave as he guides us to his shore of rest.

Let us memorize the verse below and recite it each day!

 "O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress." -Isaiah 33:2

FMF: How I want to fly

The unrealistic me wishes for one day I could fly. 

Not in an airplane. 

I want to put my arms up like Superman and hang out with the clouds. And like this super hero, I would just circle the earth over and over to turn back time...embrace my mam-maw and mom one more time.

Then, back to present time, take off and speed along to satisfy my desperate longing to see my sister

and my other sister 

(who isn't blood, but knows more about me than most.) 

and

because I need laughter and biblical wisdom from 

Heather over chocolate as her cat finds my lap irresistible. 

And before the day is done, I want to fly above Mount Everest, see the Northern lights and end the day watching God create another brilliant pink/purple dusk.

This is how I want to fly.

Linking up today at Lisa-Jo's for another Five Minute Friday inspiration. Come  and join us here

Sad, where I am strong is where I am weak too.

I am not sure what the problem is I just know that I feel sad. Okay, I know a little...

Change. I feel it coming. See this is where I am strong and yet, where I am weak at the same time. Does this not contradict? If you don't know me well, this is typical. I tend to clash myself. I am a Gemini. No, I don't believe in that literally, but I seriously am divided in certain areas of my life.

Change=weak=strong.

Here's why:

I like change because it makes life interesting. It keeps me from 

feeling bored. It can be exciting and adventurous. It means God is about to reveal a piece of his plan or use me.

Then, the other side of me loathes it. Words such as transition, new, waiting, loneliness,

unfamiliarity, and out-of-your-comfort zone come to mind and I want to run away 

with fingers in ears.

That last line seriously shows my bratty, scared kid side. Oh, well, my blog is all about being real and raw so at least I am keeping up with that huh?

I am sad because one of the changes that is coming isn't actually about me, but it affects me. It hurts.

Then, there is the change I can't stop or hold onto that is dangling in front of my face and taunting me. There's change that is about sacrifice and it is necessary, but it doesn't make it easy.

I need the Father to really hold my head and heart. I ask the Father to hold those whom the change is affecting far greater than me. I am praying for God sized courage and enthusiasm as I fasten my seat belt once again for this ride called, life.

What about you? What do you do with change that is inevitable? What changes do you feel weakest? Where do you feel strong?

Linking up at Soli Deo Gloria

My past One Word and not a new word I want...

Last year, my one word was:









It wasn't a new word to me, but my season of life last year was all about letting go of possessions, ideas, and patterns that were master over me. In other words, change needed to take place. I had also truly handed over portions of my life that I didn't even realize I was controlling or hanging onto. I worship the only true Master of my life, the Lord Jesus, and that worship deepened as well as my relationship with Him the more I focused on that word. 

My new word? Let's just say I'm not thrilled about this one. I think you'll understand when you see it.

Okay so our one word doesn't necessarily describe our character, but any seasoned Christian knows what comes with this word: stretching, trials, growth...all good really, but not easy. NO, I am not new to this, unfortunately I know how weak I really am, but it isn't like I want to write about it.
Yet, over and over God uses the weak. I believe that when we are not feeling capable and confident, then God can mold and change us. His power is far more evident. My humanness won't get in the way or take the glory as easily (and hopefully not at all). Pride is unholy and God detests it. So if I really want to be God's servant, finding joy in being a part of his purposes, I have to be willing to heed and trust the Master. I choose to not make this life of mine well, mine...

And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. 2 Corinthians 5:15 NIV

                                  

As NickelBack's line says, "each day's a gift and not a given right..." And I wonder how different the world would be everyone followed that way of thinking (NOT Nickelback's, but that each day is a gift and can be more abundant with a true savior who loves us...Christ).
       
Okay, so the weak part? I've already seen it. I have been sick since Dec. 22nd with a cold turned ear infection/perforated eardrum to a full blown bacterial sinus infection. Not fun, ya know. However, I discovered how hard it is to be physically weak; I was forced to give up control of it. There was nothing I could do. Days were spent on the couch literally. I gave into the thinking that life wouldn't fall apart if I chose to truly rest my body and my head and heart. To not let the world dictate anything. To focus on getting well and enjoying my family. Thank goodness for antibiotics (I have been feeling well since Jan. 4th), but I have missed this non-agenda, s-l-o-w-e-r life with my family!

So, although weakness can mean many things, I admit that this word made me wince in light of past trials and such. But, if I am to be all that God wants me to be (and I desire that), I have to expect and welcome growth. Welcome the learning.

So I will focus on this verse to bring encouragement...

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness..." That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV

A humilated king: #5 (A different story and Merry Christmas)

First, let me say, "Merry Christmas!" This will be my last post until the new year. I hope each of you have a wonderful time with family.

My first ever "Cookie Nativity"

A Humiliated King

Bethlehem was busy and crowded, but only a few people knew our King and Savior was born. The barn stunk, it was cold, scratchy, itchy, raw, but it was a place to lay down and give birth. And Immanuel (God with us) was born and God was physically with us like never before. But, nothing about this "king" fit anyone's understanding of how a king should come into the world. His birthplace, his heritage, well, nothing was right. According to whom?

In my honest opinion, if Jesus had come into the world the way the world expected, then where would faith come in? Without faith, we would just follow whatever seems good and comes easy.

The fact that Jesus is so contrary is what makes me believe in him even more. His humble beginnings shows us a humble God. And Jesus did not come the way he fully deserved.  Oh, how much Jesus really sacrificed. He came with nothing and left with nothing, but our sins.

Christians are the only people who serve a God whose Son endured complete humiliation, mockery and cruelness...

ALL to say, "I love you, I forgive you, and I will sacrifice my life just to be with you." 

Merry CHRISTmas!

 

Floss expires, hope doesn't, and Christmas

Standing above my bathroom sink, I attempt ridding my face of the last bit of make-up. Ya know, the mascara that isn't waterproof, but still taunts you with its never-ending streaks of black? I'm not exaggerating, really.
     I begin my not so routine of brushing the yucky of today off my teeth. In the middle of brushing, I just happen to glance over at the floss and read, expires (see below). Wait a minute. Seriously?

I get how milk, meat, veggies, even medicine loses its effectiveness after awhile, but floss?
Someone please explain how floss expires? It's just flat rope that dislodges food and plaque.
What could go bad? Okay, some floss are mint or cinnamon flavored? Do those spices spoil therefore creating an oxymoron here?
   
I think of Wile Coyote and the Road Runner and a frayed rope, unraveling to one tiny string. I laugh as I picture Wile Coyote using it to get to his desired prey when the Road Runner happens to have a pair of scissors and cuts the rope sending the Coyote to his "cartoon" demise.

And I think of the unraveling of the world due to sin and how Satan pulls out his handy scissors to snip hope from others. How different Christmas will be for the families facing such grief in Connecticut. I recoil when I think of sending my child to public school and online schooling is suddenly more attractive.

How the belief meter dwindled quickly for some when they asked,"How can you believe in a God that allowed those innocent children to die? Such a senseless act."  I understand their question, but it hurts to not have an answer. I feel a coldness and it isn't the winter air and my heart aches with compassion. And my prayers sometimes seem feeble, but I still pray because...

Floss may expire, but hope doesn't. God doesn't even if we don't understand what he allows. He gave us all a freedom to choose and we mock that freedom when it causes us pain.
Please don't unfriend (or hate) me for saying that...I've been there. I've mocked it too.

And this is where I will leave this heavy topic alone now.

#

One tradition we have created since our sons were born almost 5 years ago, is to get a new ornament for them, or make one. I usually buy a very inexpensive one for hubby and I, but I just love the idea of having ornaments for my sons and giving it to them on their wedding day. Here are some pictures:

White Glue snowman. Easy and fun.

Your turn.Share a your Christmas traditions with me.

Sharing my heart today with the Soli sisterhood @http://findingheaventoday.blogspot.com/

When you can't see the fruit...(in leadership)

Here I go again...admitting something in writing.
          I can't see the fruit. I know what God has asked of me. I have obeyed. It has been 6 months. I don't see apples falling down all around me. 

So what do ya do when you can't see the fruit? My first thought? Quit. Yeah, cause that would be easy, but then it isn't obeying. It's Jonah thinking. Run away...because that will make the apples happen. Please tell me you caught my sarcasm. 

I can't quit. I don't want to. I know better. I want a fruit smoothie adventure, but I am impatient. There, I said it. I despise that word.

I am in a voluntary administrative position...something I believe does NOT fit me and yet, I was called to it? Just for the record, NO personality test or spiritual gift test has ever put administrative high on my list.  The Lord thinks otherwise. I better go with him lest I forget the last "God spanking" I had. It wasn't pretty.
No, I am not making light of any of this or on obeying God. This is just hard. It is hard being the one to delegate and sort of be in charge humanly speaking. It is difficult to be the one up there wondering if the eyes looking back at you are judging, frustrated or if the smile is genuine. Am I meeting at least some of their needs with the choices I have made? Is that even my job?

Then, I remember what it is like to be on the other side of the fence. How much easier it is to do nothing and to wonder what the "leader" was thinking when they chose to do something one way. To be the one who has NO clue how hard it is to lead.

All I really want to do is love and minister to other women in similar seasons of life. I want all that God has done for me to NOT be in vain. I want to share what the Lord has done, but honestly, this particular role in my life just doesn't seem to do that. I don't get to share much of me with anyone.
Instead, it is decisions, decisions, speakers, watch the time, do this, do that, chop, chop.

I gotta be me...I am suffocating here. Okay, yes, a piece of me exist in this position. I have had a chance to be silly. I've made others smile. If only they knew how much I care about them, this MOPS ministry, and how much I want them to belong and love it like I do.
Am I doing it for them, for me or for God? I think all three.

SO...When you can't see the fruit and you know you are doing God's will and you are walking daily with Him, then all that is left is to honor Him...show reverence and love through faith and obedience.

Yahweh Yireh...I need to keep my heart and head focused on you. Help me to know that I don't have to see the fruit to know that you are producing it.

Happily linking up with:



http://www.findingheaventoday.com/

A week of Noah (Day 3): Why Noah didn't worry about voting.

Every four years, someone loses, someone is disappointed and a country is divided between two candidates. Luckily, Noah didn't have to worry about voting.

In his day, it was follow your own laws, yourself, or your own god. Even "fallen angels" chose their own will and married human daughters. It seems like this might be the first example of anarchy. But Noah did none of those things.  While almost everyone disobeyed and disrespected God, Noah and his family did not.

 In a way, Noah "voted" for God.

Let me explain...

Noah was given specific instructions on how to build a huge boat or "Ark"...VERY specific blueprints down to a particular wood to use called, Cypress or some translations say Gopher. The only vessel that would save his family and him.

Noah could have laughed, or decided to ignore God and build it his way, but he didn't. Sure, it would have been foolish for Noah to not believe God since drowning was the consequence, but I believe Noah wasn't just creating flood insurance for himself.

Noah didn't put his faith in humans or himself.
He put his faith in the only living God. And so should we.

We must trust God with our country and not place our hope in the government or a president. I am not saying to not vote nor am I advocating not standing up for your personal beliefs, but one must never rely on humans to make all the right decisions.

One man or Congress will not make everything as it should be...only God can do that.

Noah knew and believed that and was blessed for it.



 

31 Days to Grace (Day 25): Past post called: Grace came Through

I didn't know that when I wrote this...that I would write about grace for 31 days. Enjoy a little blast from the past.

 
Today I am writing for 5 minutes. No editing. Just pure, raw writing. Come join us at http://lisajobaker.com Here I go:

Yesterday was my first time to lead a MOPS (Mothers Of Preschoolers) group where I live. I am the Coordinator.

The thing is...this hasn't been your typical MOPS year and let's just say I wasn't all graceful and sometimes I wondered where the grace was hiding. I have 5 people including me on my team and there is supposed to be 8. I could feel the affects of this at the meeting. Some of my team showed up late. We were not 100% prepared. None of us were entirely graceful in our speech, but at least we didn't stutter or say "um" a lot.

Yet, despite less team, less than perfect or eloquent speech, and oh, my paper that explains a game I didn't memorize is in a folder that I have to get at the back of the room GRACE came through. GOD came through.

Despite what the team knew was not flawless, the women laughed. They were smiling. The atmosphere was warm, calm, relaxed. Human. Like me, like them. 

Grace came through and I am smiling (this is how it was supposed to go in God's eyes and I am more than lucky to serve these women!

This is one of our decorations for this year's MOPS theme: PLUNGE. My heart felt as calm as this scene because of God's grace.

31 Days to Grace (Day 24): When you let go

There is a peace and even empowerment when you hand over all that plagues, bombards, concerns or hurts. Yet, there is grace still when you clutch what seems hardest to relinquish.
Our gracious Lord won't nag or plead, pinch or tickle or pry it roughly from your hands. He will simply say, "I know what is best for you. Trust me with it. I will give you the best."  

 And He does.

And He did.

And He has.

 And He will.

He did at the cross with his only son. We got the best. Jesus received our worst. 

When the Israelite people messed up again and again, wandered in the desert for 40 years, God was just, but he still promised them the Promise Land. He gave them the best land. (GRACE).

In my own life, I have a roof over my head, food (at least 3 times a day), a loving husband, my health, two, sweet little boys, cars that run and freedom. Really, don't I have portions of God's best?

When I have let go and trusted God it didn't mean I always got what I desired or that the outcome was how I thought it would go...in the handing over of control, my experience has been one of desiring God's ways and plans. And I joyfully accept! 

It is rarely easy, but always worth it!

Share your "letting go" with me. I would love to hear some of your story...

 (thank you MAA for your story).

Am I wide enough?

Sometimes  I wonder how wide my world really is...my influence. Not just my obvious "besties" and family and a stranger I know I've encountered and encouraged. But beyond what shows up in a label. How wide is my impact or my love?

Sometimes I know I am keeping me to myself...with each hurt or subtle jab, I flinch and withdraw. I can be good at withdrawing. I scare myself with how well I know I could let go of someone or 
something.

This year, I reached a pivotal point in my relationship with God. A point where I looked back and saw how he stripped me. Not through death or others, but a different kind of loss. A loss of self. And I realize I like the ripping and removing and thirst for more. How I crave for His presence every second. How much more serving Him goes beyond the me that cries and pleads, "You are being persecuted. How can you stand it? What about how you feel?" And I tell me to shush it.

Now, I understand. My influence is only important if it influences for Him. And I want THAT to grow so wide that there's little room for me.


 Linking up with Five-Minute Friday at Lisa-Jo's...http://lisajobaker.com

Tuesday's Twice blogged: The Gift of Obedience is like rockclimbing...

I decided to post this blog again because it speaks about what I am currently learning in my life at the moment.

 When you choose to rock climb you can't just start climbing. It takes special tools and devices, practice, expertise, and a guide to help you learn how to top-rope or do what is called, trad climbing. All of that takes someone with experience to put cams, or what I call safety insurance, etc. into the rock...you can't safely climb a rock without any of the above.  Then, there is the person below you who belays you...that means they hold the rope tight so when or if you fall, the belayer in a sense stops you from falling (or dying, yikes). 


To me...this what obedience means...saying yes to God and then relying on Him to catch you from falling, to provide when you choose His way. It is giving up control and trusting the "Belayer."

Yes, that is me on the rock! This isn't the risk I am necessarily referring too later, but being obedient to the Lord is a lot like this picture: rocky, where when we are in the dark, uncertain of where and when we will find the next foothold or handhold to continue our obedience  is when we must realize that the Lord is trustworthy. When He calls us He is holding us (ropes, helmets, harness). We are NEVER alone...We have a personal, amazing belayer! We will eventually see victory...a view we could never imagine or accomplish on our own.

 I said, "Yes." You blessed us again. You showed me because I watched and listened. I said, "Master, here I am. I want to serve you."

Here are things I have said yes too...what I am trying to be obedient in:
  I accepted the Coordinator position for the MOPS (Mother's Of Preschoolers) program here in Grand Junction. I am waiting for approval from the Pastor who holds the ministry at his church. I will help run meetings and support all involved (teachers, table leaders, etc.).


I know it is what the Lord called me to do because it wasn't my idea, it is my heart to minister to other Christian women, AND...it is beyond me. I haven't led like this before. I am nervous, but He will provide what I don't have. I am excited...standing in the trenches ready to serve.


Yes, to staying home for another year. Homeschooling my under 5 sons for now. It looks like God is providing the same job for hubby. He likes his job. God provided some extra money to help us as well.
Yes, to an amazing Bible Study about saying yes to God and doing it online on Skype with my best friend.


Yes, to less of me and more of the Lord. Yes, to taking risks with God.
Yes to trying new activities, or refining the old activities or desires I have always had. 

BUT...

asking God, what should I do with my time? What about this? Should I do it?

I really want Him to be in every part of my life. Desiring strongly that He gets the glory. Fine-tuning my listening abilities and obedience. Trying to let go of being too hard on myself when I   fail to do any of the above.

So the gifts are the joy that is coming, the changes I have experienced and the freedom of not always getting it right but receiving mercy and forgiveness. Then, there is the opportunity to serve the most amazing God...

that is the greatest gift: That He wants me to do something for Him.

***Please share your story of the gift of obedience...What gifts have you seen?

What is worth the effort and what I wish was easier too.

He said, "Ya know it would be nice if some things in life just came more naturally. So many things take work."
It is true. I am not sure if there is really something that doesn't. Even if physical is not involved there's always mental or emotional to consider.
But what I want to tell him, I don't. It will only come across as a lecture.  

There are a few things really worth the effort!
 In no certain order 


1. Relationships
Yes, I wish sometimes they were not so complicated and that some of mine were less strained, but investing in others is a great gift. We learn to be less selfish. I am understood. Tremendous pain, anger, forgiveness and joy come from these connections. My head is filled with memories, laughter where your side hurts and your face aches. Where who I am is stretched. Challenged. Changed forever.
  Those I call family and friends are irreplaceable treasures. In my most difficult circumstances, a few of the above have provided great comfort and support...even cheering or encouragement. It is better to not be alone. We might be tempted to paint a volleyball and call it Wilson.

2. Fulfilling your purpose...or dream or passion...
   Not much of an explanation is needed here...no matter what you do if you love it than you feel fulfilled. A sense of significance. Where passion and desire meet. Maybe you have to trudge through impossible feats like numerous college degrees or grueling training or better yet the dreaded waiting, but in the end if you are doing something that fits you then it will be worth the sweat. I love this quote...it sums it up:

“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
― Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC

 

3. Getting to know God (and living out my faith)
My most important achievement. One that actually doesn't require pulling my hair out or a ton of exertion. I am free to be me with the Lord and there isn't a heavy burden of condition placed on me.  There's only grace, love, mercy, deep delight. I am unique and created to do something only I can do in God's name. Trusting Him with my life. With everything. Not knowing, often waiting, but still resting in hope and in the understanding that He will never abandon me.

So switching gears...here is what I wish was easier... 

1. Parenting
   I love my boys, but sometimes I just don't know how to stop a behavior they are doing that is so not okay. Sometimes hubby and I try strategies that fail and then we are at a lost. Often they drive us crazy with their choices. We try so hard to not be too permissive or military dictators, but we tend to do more barking of orders.  I just wish for one day that I would wake up and magically my children would be sane and under control at the store, pick up their toys when there done playing with them, sleep in late and I wouldn't have to say, "Please don't _______ your brother." 

2. Relationships 
  I know what I said earlier, but yeah to receive what I said above, it takes considerable patience, a daily choice to forgive, clarify and communicate. Exhausting. Sacrificial too. Sometimes you have to end a relationship and that is just plain uncomfortable or heartbreaking. Some prove dangerous and leave us scarred and hesitant towards future ones. A dream relationship would go like this...I am completely understood all the time, listened to, never betrayed, I feel secure in it and both parties needs are met.

3.  Hodge Podge  
The following are items that need no defining, but I wish they were easier and or perhaps more convenient?
   Exercise, math, looking younger, losing loved ones, juggling, not repeating bad habits, changing, cooking healthy, gourmet meals, memorizing scripture and toy packaging. Just to name a few.

So what about you? What do you think is worth the effort and what do you wish was easier?  

What's so good about Friday?

How do you tell the world that today really is a "Good" Friday? 

  

How a man, beaten and bruised...treated in the cruelest of ways is good? That a man with thorns in His head was given one main purpose in life: to take everyone's imperfectness from them and die on a cross.

How can that be good? Today I celebrate that event that happened 2,000 years ago. Celebrate it? Yes!

The greatest Light of the world...brighter than our sun...did something good: With great anguish, He obeyed and sacrificed His life to show us that the Lord Almighty wants to be with us forever.

WE are the MOST beloved creatures!


His death gave us this (and so much more): we are forgiven of all that we do wrong, freedom from condemnation, life "forever" with a wonderful God and mercy coupled with undeserved grace.

Lord Jesus, Master...thank you for your sacrifice.


Today...we write for five minutes...I happen to take a bit longer...but I am with a community that understands.