When 1 Thessalonians 5:18 resonates...

We all know it's that time of year where Turkeys have no idea their fate and families cook gobs of food and regret the leftovers. However, I am NOT going to write another T-day blog post or tell you the thousandth thing I am thankful for...besides that would be way too obvious and easy.

I have a rebellious streak anyways.

Right now, I am suspended between feeling grateful and feeling grumpy to the point that writing about this is the safest way to deal with this dangling dilemma. And I need to face it.

Here's the story:
    Over the past 3 years, I have grown in my gratitude, become more mindful of when I am taking something or someone for granted and making sure I check my heart for sincerity here. I don't want to live with ingratitude for what God did and has done for me and not be thankful for the generosity of Him and other people. I want to be a woman who understands/acknowledges the blessings, grace and goodness she has received and to cherish those.

This would be easier if I weren't human and could be content in all situations...

So guess what happens to sneak itself into my life recently?

 1Thessalonians 5:18. 

"Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you."

I'll admit that the first time I read this (a few plus years back) that I stumbled,
but I am not desiring to take this verse out of context. I don't believe that God is asking us to be thankful for bad things...like being in the middle of a stomach bug or miscarriage or some horrific news and to be honest, I don't think I have 100% sincerely given thanks in these past circumstances: A suicide, my mom's sudden death, and some abuse.  

I see this verse as personal to each individual. Gratefulness just can't be bought or forced. We have to get there through God working in our hearts in the situations that are his "will for" us.

Am I alone though in wanting a break from the molding, the shaping...the metamorphosis of thy heart?

See, two in my family are waiting for a diagnosis.  Probably not life threatening as long as they have the right type, but nonetheless a syndrome that has affected and will affect their lives.

One half of my heart is grateful because a diagnosis is an answer! It reveals, clarifies, and explains so much. Unfortunately, depending on the diagnosis, it could be downright scary and well, waiting is part of the game and I ain't so grateful for that...waiting is stressful. Yet, in the waiting, we continue to grow in the patience arena. However, this syndrome is a change in our family with limitations, proneness to not so fun stuff and well it will be our fifth major transition since we moved to Grand Junction 3 years ago! Ugh, transitions are just plain tough.

Do you see my conundrum? My heart swings back and forth from thank you and no thank you.
Well, I never said I wasn't a work in progress!

When all of this comes to light, I do believe we will see healing, I have faith we will make it through.

In the meantime, would you pray for our family?  

Happily linking up here:

The problems of defining Christianity...

I find it difficult to define Christianity. I get why those not of the faith get confused and or how we get on their nerves or worse they hate us. Actually, many Christians get on my nerves or shock me.
     Below is my best attempt at defining today's Christianity. My attempt can happen in stages as well. Disclaimer: I am in no way trying to insult anyone or be ugly here. Just wanting to get people thinking. I am sure someone will not enjoy reading this, but sometimes truth hurts.
I have been all of the below at some point in my life. I have been number 4 since around my 25th birthday (I am 38), thank goodness, but hopefully I haven't done too much of what is past that (see below) because that makes me sad and mad at me. So where do you rate?


1. The Seeker: Someone who is neither against God nor for him, but they are still curious and looking for something in life that is different from what they have now. They are at least partially open to checking out the Christian faith.
                                    A. I have to add "Semi-believer" here: Someone who hasn't accepted Christ with some kind of official prayer or coming out or anything, but believes in Christ and likes him, but doesn't understand him, the bible, etc.

2. The Newbie: (some call them Baby Christians, but I think that sounds insulting): Someone who has accepted the Christian faith and accepted Christ in their hearts (numerous reasons why they may choose this) for the first time.

3. Either the Sponge and or instead is the Fire Insurance Agent: Someone who has chosen to go deeper into understanding Christianity, the Lord and such and is more than interested in NOT leaving it at the newbie stage. Often this person chooses and or feels the tug of the Holy Spirit to establish and move into a relationship rather than a religious situation with our God Almighty.  OR...they remain saved by grace and have acquired salvation based on the gospel, but are merely in to avoid what we all call Hell.

A. Again I feel the need to add the "In-Limbo" here: Someone who is almost to number 4 and whom is in-between the two. Kind of a fan of Christ and perhaps afraid or not ready to commit, but not someone who is in it just for fire insurance.

4. Disciple or Follower of Christ: Okay, here is where it can get sticky and one has be careful and not get all judgmental or too into the law (legalistic).
                   This is a difficult stage to write about because unless you get to know someone well, they can claim to be a follower, but really are not. They can be following ideas, theology and rules that are not Biblically correct or sound. PLUS...Christians are not perfect so I feel there is immense pressure on Christians to never mess up or otherwise they really aren't a follower of Christ. With that said, yes, if we know someone well enough and we never see any growth or change in their lives...any, well, we might make assumptions, but if we are followers than like every other human, we are broken and in need of a savior.
    One definition: One who has acknowledged that they sin (make mistakes/bad choices), need a savior, has chosen to accept Christ into their heart, and chooses to daily walk, talk and learn about the Lord...in other words has an authentic relationship with a loving, forgiving, grace-giving,  just and trustworthy God. They usually believe that the Lord loves us as we are (really), but works in us to change us and prepares us to do good works on earth.

Sometimes we have the above and here is where we get into trouble:
      1. We act like Pharisees and get all holier-than-thou and think we have all the answers.
      2. We act like we are God (all-omnipresent and omniscient).
      3. We give horrible answers to others about their questions about God and such.
      4. We give platitudes and quick fixes  (see the three above as to why).
     

And my  LEAST favorite:

5. We push rules and ways of living on others (esp. seekers) rather than loving them where they are!!! Ya know the cliche of love the sinner and hate the sin. We need to practice that hard!

Okay, your turn, what do you think of the above? Be honest, but be kind. 

Floss expires, hope doesn't, and Christmas

Standing above my bathroom sink, I attempt ridding my face of the last bit of make-up. Ya know, the mascara that isn't waterproof, but still taunts you with its never-ending streaks of black? I'm not exaggerating, really.
     I begin my not so routine of brushing the yucky of today off my teeth. In the middle of brushing, I just happen to glance over at the floss and read, expires (see below). Wait a minute. Seriously?

I get how milk, meat, veggies, even medicine loses its effectiveness after awhile, but floss?
Someone please explain how floss expires? It's just flat rope that dislodges food and plaque.
What could go bad? Okay, some floss are mint or cinnamon flavored? Do those spices spoil therefore creating an oxymoron here?
   
I think of Wile Coyote and the Road Runner and a frayed rope, unraveling to one tiny string. I laugh as I picture Wile Coyote using it to get to his desired prey when the Road Runner happens to have a pair of scissors and cuts the rope sending the Coyote to his "cartoon" demise.

And I think of the unraveling of the world due to sin and how Satan pulls out his handy scissors to snip hope from others. How different Christmas will be for the families facing such grief in Connecticut. I recoil when I think of sending my child to public school and online schooling is suddenly more attractive.

How the belief meter dwindled quickly for some when they asked,"How can you believe in a God that allowed those innocent children to die? Such a senseless act."  I understand their question, but it hurts to not have an answer. I feel a coldness and it isn't the winter air and my heart aches with compassion. And my prayers sometimes seem feeble, but I still pray because...

Floss may expire, but hope doesn't. God doesn't even if we don't understand what he allows. He gave us all a freedom to choose and we mock that freedom when it causes us pain.
Please don't unfriend (or hate) me for saying that...I've been there. I've mocked it too.

And this is where I will leave this heavy topic alone now.

#

One tradition we have created since our sons were born almost 5 years ago, is to get a new ornament for them, or make one. I usually buy a very inexpensive one for hubby and I, but I just love the idea of having ornaments for my sons and giving it to them on their wedding day. Here are some pictures:

White Glue snowman. Easy and fun.

Your turn.Share a your Christmas traditions with me.

Sharing my heart today with the Soli sisterhood @http://findingheaventoday.blogspot.com/

31 Days to Grace (Day 5): Remembering

 

I was four. This was as far back as I could remember God. Laying in my bed one night, I cried out to the Lord for the first time for understanding. The day had been rough, cruel and unfair. I was an easy target: shy, meek, and sensitive.

I didn't have eloquent words or even big girl words. Just a tear-stained face and heart begging for answers. "Why God? Why me?" Perhaps, this is the first time I questioned God. Not in an unkind way...more of a innocent request for mercy. 

I didn't have or understand salvation, but I believed in God and in his son, Jesus.  I somehow knew that talking to him was not crazy...my four year old self had faith that conversing could lead to help.

It did. I know God was with me that night. There was a peace there...God was already working in my life.  His grace was happening and I had know idea then.

34 years later...again, I am remembering.

 

A gentle breeze

Yesterday, I really wanted to hear God. I feel like lately the harder I try, the more I fail at it. Like my human effort is null and void.

Why is God silent with us sometimes? Or is he?

Yesterday, I took a walk to get the mail. It was a surprisingly warm, breezy day for February. I was taking advantage for some fresh air and to get out of the house (other than for business or errands).

I was conversing to God. NO, crying out. Okay, there was some why's and groaning. But, In Exodus 15:20-27, Moses cried out when the Israelites complained because the water they found after 3 days in the wilderness was bitter and everyone was thirsty. God delivered. 

Like when my two year old cries from his toddler bed, "daaaadee" because he has lost his binkies. And, dad delivers.

A storm was brewing from the the West and so the temperature dropped, the sun hidden by looming clouds, and as I approached the house I just stayed in the garage and wept. 

A gentle breeze touched my cheek and pushed my hair out of my face. 

I just listened. I enjoyed the silence.

I didn't hear God's audible voice, but somehow I felt His presence. 

And that was enough.

Last night during a bible study with hubby, we learned a name for God I haven't heard of, Yahweh Rophe (yah-WEH ro-FEH) or the Lord Who Heals.

We could use some of His healing in our household right now. Not just physical either. I believe I experienced that yesterday. A bit of healing as I wept to Him in the silent storm that was brewing.

Yahweh Rophe, thank you.

Hard Questions: Part 1

My son, Schafer has recently been asking hard questions. For example, he has asked, "How come I can't see Jesus?" "Does all of our family have God in their hearts?" And cute ones like, "What toys does Jesus have in his house in heaven, Can you ask him for me?"
The most difficult part of his questions are trying to answer him in a way that he can understand. Sometimes I don't know the answer or I find that there isn't an easy way to explain it to him.

What amazes me is his ability to be okay with what I do tell him.

He trusts me.

What about me? Can I be okay with what God tells me?
I want God to say, "She trusts me."

I won't pretend that I trust Him entirely. Heck, I'm human and would be a liar if I said I never worried or doubted what God was doing. I won't deny that I like to have a bit of control and am tempted to do things my way (human foolishness).

BUT...His word clearly states,

My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,

and my ways are far beyond anything you can imagine.

Isaiah 55:8 (NLT)

Yep, ain't that the truth!

I want to begin to share my current story. I have been putting off sharing it with others because it has involved so much faith, patience, perseverance and well, it is still ongoing in my life as I write this so it is quite difficult to express properly in words. Maybe it is the timing as well.

Although, I have been through trials and transitions before, this particular event has truly changed my life and is changing how I view myself and God.

It started last Fall of 2010 when I held a bible study by Priscilla Shirer called, Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted. Two other women joined me. The premise of the study is that when life's disruptions happen as they always do, that you can change your perspective on them. Sometimes those interruptions are from the Lord. Shirer states, "A life interrupted by a holy God is a privilege."

I'll admit that the statement is true, but it is not easy to accept when you are feeling like the poster child. The bible study was the precursor to what lied ahead for me. Even in the first week of the study, the Lord pressed on my heart that I was to let go of my current job and stay home with my children.

I am going to start backwards today. Start at the current end instead of the beginning. I think it will make more sense this way.
Disclaimer: If you live in Grand Junction and are reading this, you might get offended and I am sorry, but I need to speak the truth.

I live in Grand Junction, CO. About 4 months ago, I lived in Fort Collins, CO. My husband got a teaching job here and this is the main reason we had to move.

The hard question I've been asking is, "Lord, why did you bring us here?" This place is so different than Ft. Collins. Ft. Collins is lush, progressive, clean. Grand Junction is more like a desert. Many people walk around with beaver faces, shaved heads and camo for everyday attire. There are a lot of old, broken down homes, fifthly warehouses and junk. There are different values here and the culture is different.
I am used to city or suburban life. Used to an abundance of natural areas, clean, safe parks, and an amazing bike trail that runs through the town of F.C.

I am probably not being fair. I know I sound judgmental. I really am not. I've just experienced a sense of culture shock. I am trying to accept this place as my new home, really.

The hope I am clinging to right now is that the Lord has a plan and purpose for my family. That maybe it is LESS about me and more about the people of GJ.

I know that I have changed. Moving to GJ forced me to make the changes that God is requiring of me: quit your job, stay home, write, teach your little ones, enjoy the lack of stress a job outside the home can bring, and love those I bring to you.

This is my hope. At least I have hope!

Stay tuned (wink, wink) for me to explain more of my story of how we got to GJ. I will do my best to not disappoint...

Where is Jesus?

I had to laugh when I heard my son sing his own version of Are you sleeping? Some of you know it as Frere Jacques (Brother John).
Ya know, "Are you sleeping, Are you sleeping?
Brother John, Brother John?
Morning Bells are ringing, Morning Bells are ringing.
Ding-Dong-Ding, Ding-Dong-Ding."

Well, Schafer's version is:
Where is Jesus? Where is Jesus?
In the air, in the air...

That was all he sang, but his made-up version made me realize that I am guilty of singing the first line in the tune.

Where is Jesus?

Sometimes I wonder especially when I am struggling. When I find myself going back and forth like a bell (back and forth from one emotion to the next). Ding-Dong-Ding (or just a ding-dong, ha-ha).

Where is that voice, the clarity or hope? Silence. Why silence?

Is it wrong to want to experience a "burning bush" or a Damascus moment?

Sometimes I think the people in the Bible were privileged and lucky. They saw angels and knew they were angels, they experienced the parting of the Red Sea, God spoke directly to them by calling out their name or spoke from the clouds in a clear, audible voice.

Why can't I hear God's booming voice from the clouds?

Naturally, I blame myself. I have tried hard to listen. Cleared my mind, sat in silence alone. But, it seems that God's voice is hoarse that day or He is busy.
I tell myself that my faith is just not strong enough or maybe when heaven was handing out the hearing devices to help one hear God's voice I received a defective one?

Lies, Lies, I believe.

In my desperate trials, confusion and questioning, I will often sit alone and cry out, no it is more like BEG God to talk to me. I am not saying that God has not used His word or some other person to speak to me, but what gives me grief is how little in my life I have truly heard him. I can only confidently say that I believe and know I have heard him twice. NOT booming, but a whisper.

I wonder why? Why does it seem so hard to hear God? I always feel like listening for His voice is one of the hardest aspects of my relationship with Him. And discerning His will comes in at a tie for the other difficult part of the relationship.

Christianity is NOT for wimps. What I am learning is that it is really about having faith even when I don't hear him. Believing the Lord has my back. He really is on my side. His will WILL BE done(even if I am spiritually deaf).

It comes down to trusting that He loves me enough to speak to me even if it isn't audible. Oh, that is hard to accept.

He loves ME enough. His love IS enough.

Where is Jesus? In the air? Sort of. In my life, my soul? Always.

Are you a fire starter or a fire extinguisher?

It's an honest question. Which do you tend to be? A person who starts fires or puts them out?
I would rather be a fire extinguisher most of the time. I don't enjoy conflict and I certainly am not the type to go around and look for fires to start. It baffles me how some individuals choose to start fires. I guess they are bored? Miserable, insecure? I can't say for sure, but I think some actually enjoy watching others burn up.
I have a person in my life who is like this and I am not close to them, but they still manage to light me on fire when they get the chance. This person really does this when they are feeling put out, inconvenienced, or think they are being treated unfairly. So when this happens, said person jumps to conclusions and immediately ignites me with a fire breathing mouth. He/She doesn't stop to think, request, clarify or ask. This person just assumes the victim role.
It takes A LOT for me NOT to burn them right back. Yes, I am guilty of defending myself (I have my fire uniform on). I do sometimes need to apologize to fire starters when I fanned the flame so to speak. Sometimes I am wrong and although the fire wasn't the best approach well I have to take responsibility for my part.

However, when all is said and I am trying to put out the last little ember, I grow as a fire extinguisher. I choose peace...because this is what the Lord asks of me, of all of us.
Do I like this person much? Nope, that is why we are not close, but I choose to extend forgiveness and grace.
I don't know how much coal reaping on said person's head happens, but to be right before the Lord is more important. I model my fire extinguishing to this person and hopefully others bear witness to it.
I choose to get the water hose out, douse the flames, and be peaceful.
Which one are you and what will you choose?