I had to laugh when I heard my son sing his own version of Are you sleeping? Some of you know it as Frere Jacques (Brother John).
Ya know, "Are you sleeping, Are you sleeping?
Brother John, Brother John?
Morning Bells are ringing, Morning Bells are ringing.
Well, Schafer's version is:
Where is Jesus? Where is Jesus?
In the air, in the air...
That was all he sang, but his made-up version made me realize that I am guilty of singing the first line in the tune.
Where is Jesus?
Sometimes I wonder especially when I am struggling. When I find myself going back and forth like a bell (back and forth from one emotion to the next). Ding-Dong-Ding (or just a ding-dong, ha-ha).
Where is that voice, the clarity or hope? Silence. Why silence?
Is it wrong to want to experience a "burning bush" or a Damascus moment?
Sometimes I think the people in the Bible were privileged and lucky. They saw angels and knew they were angels, they experienced the parting of the Red Sea, God spoke directly to them by calling out their name or spoke from the clouds in a clear, audible voice.
Why can't I hear God's booming voice from the clouds?
Naturally, I blame myself. I have tried hard to listen. Cleared my mind, sat in silence alone. But, it seems that God's voice is hoarse that day or He is busy.
I tell myself that my faith is just not strong enough or maybe when heaven was handing out the hearing devices to help one hear God's voice I received a defective one?
Lies, Lies, I believe.
In my desperate trials, confusion and questioning, I will often sit alone and cry out, no it is more like BEG God to talk to me. I am not saying that God has not used His word or some other person to speak to me, but what gives me grief is how little in my life I have truly heard him. I can only confidently say that I believe and know I have heard him twice. NOT booming, but a whisper.
I wonder why? Why does it seem so hard to hear God? I always feel like listening for His voice is one of the hardest aspects of my relationship with Him. And discerning His will comes in at a tie for the other difficult part of the relationship.
Christianity is NOT for wimps. What I am learning is that it is really about having faith even when I don't hear him. Believing the Lord has my back. He really is on my side. His will WILL BE done(even if I am spiritually deaf).
It comes down to trusting that He loves me enough to speak to me even if it isn't audible. Oh, that is hard to accept.
He loves ME enough. His love IS enough.
Where is Jesus? In the air? Sort of. In my life, my soul? Always.