Thursday, January 31, 2013

When a hallelujah is inappropriate

I read Amy Sullivan's most recent blog (click on her name) and read that someone wrote about not wanting to read about so many Kumbaya moments on blog after blog (I have thought the same thing, but I didn't write it).
      There are times when life doesn't promote joy, a hallelujah and thankfulness in the initial reaction. When my brother shared the sad news of my Papaw's suicide let's just say it took awhile to give the pain to God. Life just isn't always full of profound, deep lessons. Sometimes just breathing is an act of faith and praise to God. Yes, God is always with us, but it isn't a sin to write about everyday occurrences that are not "spiritual" in and of themselves.

 Disclaimer: I am in no way condemning giving God glory, praise or the like. He so deserves it, however, God is also the one whose son wept over Lazarus even though he knew he could and would raise him from the dead. Jesus wasn't like "Now he is heaven and not in pain. Just trust God and things will get better soon."
 Sometimes a hallelujah is inappropriate.

Yes, the above has been said by that good intention 
person whose good intentions were no good 
at all. 
When we give someone this attitude especially in the beginning of their loss, struggle or other trial it is downright cruel. Sometimes people are just insensitive and dismiss your hurt so they don't have to feel the pain with you. Or they want to help you get over it sooner. Ya know "fix" it.

However, it is God who says his power is made perfect in our weakness which means that when we try to push someone out of their weakness, our action could be communicating that God is powerless to work in us. That we should only suffer in the timing and terms of someone else.
 Not okay. Ever.

My point? Even if your blog is to encourage others in Christ, it is okay to be honest about how hard it is to follow God sometimes. This is just as encouraging especially if what your writing is not hopeless, just honest about the struggle. I read a blog that talked about the person wishing the testing and trials would end. The pain in their words made me feel closer to God because there are times when no matter how faithful you are, the trials seem to keep coming almost on top of each other. Even Paul asked God three times to take the thorn (i.e. struggle, weakness, etc.) to be removed. I don't know if God ever removed it. It seems in scripture that it never was.

In the midst of hardships, we need to give each other respect and grace as we grieve and work out our feelings and thoughts.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Again, oh, again.

The gist? 5 minutes of no editing, raw writing. One word. 5 minutes. Click here to join.
Word: Again

My boys both wanted Hulk literally coming out of their cake. Here's my best attempt at that (fondant for hulk was used).

Again, oh again I am celebrating their aging. Their yearly movement toward independence from me. Celebrating? Well, yes, and no. I feel my self push and pull in sync. I can't let go, but again, I have to...eventually. 

I hold him and he wraps his sweet monkey legs around my waist and plays with my hair. These moments will end someday. I tell myself to savor it, but I know it is coming. It is normal. It is life. I tell my reality to shoosh it. 

3 and 5 are glorious ages. Silly, amazing, precious even profound.  And everyone tells you it goes by fast and they are right and I wonder why they feel the need to tell me that. Maybe they want to spare me from the pain they know is coming. The pain of change and letting go of a part of life that you want to relive...AGAIN and AGAIN.

Friday, January 18, 2013

I do cherish

Linking up today with FMF...go here. Five minutes to write unabashedly. The Prompt?
Cherished. GO...

I haven't felt cherished by many in my life, but he does. He cherishes me. I saw it last night. He has a headache and feels lousy and he still helped me wrap the cake layers that will go into the freezer until I decorate them today. We cherish our little boys and want them to have a fun birthday complete with a delicious cake (come back later to see pictures).

I am cherished...enough so that when it really matters, he shows me. Sometimes it is in the way he worries about me. Sometimes it is in the coffee he so lovely made for me to resemble the closest version I have ever tasted to Starbucks!

I need to practice the art of cherishing him more...not just when he is cherishing me, but because he is someone I do cherish.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Real Sisterhood...a Tribute.

 You don't have to be "blood" sisters to have a sister. Just follow my recipe and you are guaranteed success in experiencing a one of a kind relationship into a club called, REAL SISTERS.
Recipe: Real Sisterhood

A group of women 

If you have a small group...that works just fine in a pinch:

Someone who is willing to try new things with you, but gives you grace when it well, goes awry.
Someone who is honest with you and gently tells you that it failed!

The big, beautiful Oak tree where we scattered my mother's ashes.
MANY, many cups of being there in your saddest moments...who is willing to wipe your snotty nose when the tears come. And who understands when you say, "I am so tired."

3 Tablespoons of dessert-ANYTIME (especially involving chocolate).

As many dashes of celebrating happy moments with you!
(And who will be there on a moment's notice when the baby comes).

A pinch of silliness/laughter (essential ingredient)

A teaspoon of "getting" why this is funny!

1 Cup (forever) of supporting you through your struggles.
(idea is published and copy-protected)
A smidgen of willingness to do a little egg therapy.  

 Infinity Tablespoons of friendship and support.

A gallon (and hours) of love, listening, forgiveness and encouragement. 

Mix all ingredients daily and voila, enjoy a wonderful sisterhood that makes life rich
This glorious gift of sisterhood is an invaluable gift from God.

 YOUR TURN...give me your take on sisterhood.

*Linking up today with a sisterhood via blog style at

Friday, January 11, 2013

I don't have it all together

5 Minutes on the word: Dive

 I see women dive right into judging me before they even get to know me. We are really hard on each other ya know. I say I am cold and their phrase, "It's because you are so skinny." I don't think that was a compliment. How do respond to that comment? I usually just grin and change the subject after feeling uncomfortable. These are sisters in Christ too.

I don't have it all together. Maybe you know this, but maybe you don't. I can't say I know what you see when you look at me whether in person or in photos. And I don't know how I come across to you in words, actions...I bet most of the time I haven't a clue.
Sure, I have some things together as a wife, a mom, a friend, a sister, etc. but, maybe I would shock you if ya knew what I didn't, BUT that requires getting to know me.

Plunging headlong into taking a risk that who I let you see on the outside has insecurities on the inside (like should I be wearing a bikini in my post-babies body)?
Yes, I still get an occasional zit on my face.
I have wrinkles (Hey, I am 38).
I have cellulite even though I am thin.
I yell at my kids and hubby (not that I like it).
I trip over words. 
I DON'T think I am a great writer!

I listen to lies in my head too and sometimes I believe someone else has it all together, but that is a lie as well.

Linking up today with one of my favorite writers and the 5MF crew at Lisa-Jo's 

Monday, January 7, 2013

Thank You and My Well Received Posts from 2012

It is fun to look back and see what I chose to write. However, the best part of 2012 was that so many of you gave me such encouragement and comment love. Thank you!
          Blogging has been more fun because of you...And thank you to my new found blog friends...Jan, Jen, Glenda, Jess, Alicia, Helen, Amy S. and Twisted Domestic Goddess...I hope to meet ya'll this side of heaven. Thank you Morgan, for your constant support and fun spirit. I am glad I've met you here in GJ, Colorado! And a big thank you to those who follow me and read when they can. It helps me feel like I am not just typing words to myself. Wink,wink!

So here are the top 6 posts in no particular order:
    How to kill significance. Okay, just kidding, but I put it out there.
     Not the story you think it is...I accidentally deleted all the comments, but was
truly surprised at how kind all of ya'll were with your thoughts. Thank you.
   A bit of my silly side and some good Ol' fashioned RAWness.
  Being "loud" for God and Lisa-Jo Baker from 5-Minute Friday was kind enough
to put it as a favorite. What an honor. :)
    A beautiful tribute to all whom have passed in my life (7 total).
 A fun Birthday and summer post.

Curious to see how my writing will change this year!  Happy 2013!

HUGS,  -Dionne

 Gladly linking up with a real sisterhood...Soli Deo Gloria  (Come join us).

Sunday, January 6, 2013

My past One Word and not a new word I want...

Last year, my one word was:

It wasn't a new word to me, but my season of life last year was all about letting go of possessions, ideas, and patterns that were master over me. In other words, change needed to take place. I had also truly handed over portions of my life that I didn't even realize I was controlling or hanging onto. I worship the only true Master of my life, the Lord Jesus, and that worship deepened as well as my relationship with Him the more I focused on that word. 

My new word? Let's just say I'm not thrilled about this one. I think you'll understand when you see it.

Okay so our one word doesn't necessarily describe our character, but any seasoned Christian knows what comes with this word: stretching, trials, growth...all good really, but not easy. NO, I am not new to this, unfortunately I know how weak I really am, but it isn't like I want to write about it.
Yet, over and over God uses the weak. I believe that when we are not feeling capable and confident, then God can mold and change us. His power is far more evident. My humanness won't get in the way or take the glory as easily (and hopefully not at all). Pride is unholy and God detests it. So if I really want to be God's servant, finding joy in being a part of his purposes, I have to be willing to heed and trust the Master. I choose to not make this life of mine well, mine...
And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. 2 Corinthians 5:15 NIV

As NickelBack's line says, "each day's a gift and not a given right..." And I wonder how different the world would be everyone followed that way of thinking (NOT Nickelback's, but that each day is a gift and can be more abundant with a true savior who loves us...Christ).
Okay, so the weak part? I've already seen it. I have been sick since Dec. 22nd with a cold turned ear infection/perforated eardrum to a full blown bacterial sinus infection. Not fun, ya know. However, I discovered how hard it is to be physically weak; I was forced to give up control of it. There was nothing I could do. Days were spent on the couch literally. I gave into the thinking that life wouldn't fall apart if I chose to truly rest my body and my head and heart. To not let the world dictate anything. To focus on getting well and enjoying my family. Thank goodness for antibiotics (I have been feeling well since Jan. 4th), but I have missed this non-agenda, s-l-o-w-e-r life with my family!

So, although weakness can mean many things, I admit that this word made me wince in light of past trials and such. But, if I am to be all that God wants me to be (and I desire that), I have to expect and welcome growth. Welcome the learning.

So I will focus on this verse to bring encouragement...
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness..." That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Happy New Year! and what I learned/will miss from 2012

It is a new year, 2013 and already I want to climb back into 2012. To hang onto my children. Let me just say that I miss them. I mean the 2 and 4 year old. They will both be 5 and 3 in 14/20 sweet January babies. No matter how much you purposely soak them into every part of your head and heart, you just can't halt the shedding of innocence, teeth, small shoes, and dependence.

I just want to cover my eyes so I don't have to watch. Don't have to watch them stop racing around my house in their super hero capes yelling, "Dah, dum, DUM!"

He lost his first tooth the day before Christmas and then the second one on New Year's Eve. The holes. Two deep holes have pierced my heart and made his laugh. "It feels funny." Yes, yes it does. But not the kind of ha, ha funny to me. The type that makes you nauseous...makes you want to run from reality. I feel it as I write this and tears want to come. On one hand, I am proud for him. He likes getting the money under his pillow just for losing teeth. Yet, letting go...I don't think I can do it.

How do parents do it? Or do they, really? I would like to skip this chapter, thank you.  Wait, I have to do it twice? And I seriously am about to admit to you that I want to add another sweet babe. Only the roadblock is massive. I don't even know if it is God's plan or just my desire.

Okay, I need to move on. In 2012, I learned how deeply I love my children. How grateful I am to be home with them. How this time last year I was still a little unsure if I was truly accepting of the stay-at-home-mom title (I've worked since I was 16). How nothing on paper adds up in God's workings, but my heart obeys and trusts in the impossible and the results have been incredible. The growth hard to explain even now.

Money and possessions don't hold the same place in me anymore and have been replaced with better: more of God and more of others. How I realize to never say never because God likes to prove us wrong. Honestly, I don't mind in this case. 
That serving is one of the best cures to restlessness, boredom or the blues. 

That if I say yes, take a step into that raging river, He will stop its raging. He will be faithful to what he calls me to. I am and have been amazed at what I thought I could not do or accomplish. I did. It was okay to be confident yet, when I am/was lacking He used others to pick up the slack.

I saw God so much. In the one night a week, temporary job teaching sweet kids sculpture. How we didn't gain debt because he provided. Then there is His grace. I wrote about it for 31 days and my heart understands and accepts it differently than before. Grace in my complete imperfection.
      How sometimes the best answer is to go for it and then God will gently whisper no or not yet. And if I am still stubborn, I can reach out my hand and say, "God, save me." and there's His grace again. 

Lastly, how sometimes looking forward to something takes away from the present. We didn't have an ideal Christmas (we are all still sick, had to end a visit with extended family short and well REST)... no, not that word! Who wants to do that kind of resting when there is snow to play in and new presents to enjoy? Yet, although we are all sick and have been forced to rest, we've spent more time together than planned and created some sweet memories.  And most importantly...
We didn't miss each other.

Okay, I will admit that I am ready to be well and not sick in 2013. Linking up with a beautiful group of women at Soli Deo Gloria: Jen's sight
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