Nidus (NYE-dus) and what's missing in October /One word 365

I knew it was coming; holes that proved to be a nidus for his baby teeth. He lost the upper two and in an instant his face grew up. His speech sprinkled with a slight lisp. His parent's hearts sentimental and proud. We miss the baby, but we adore the five year old. Our humanity unable to halt divided loyalty once again. Hubby, him and I are all learning to let go together and it stings a bit.

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 I always know it is coming, but somehow October sneaks up on me like my three yr. old and I jump. No, I wince. My mother's death (7 years ago this day) proving to be a nidus for that something-is- missing-in-October-feeling. I realize my five year old's teeth and Fall somehow triggered it. I walk around with a open hole that only hubby and I seem to notice.
Some insensitively think, "Get over it already, or why aren't you over it?" "It has been seven years."

And here's my rebuttal...

 

I wanted to call my mommy when he lost his teeth and share that milestone with her.
I want to hear her laugh when she sees my three year old put his hand on his hips with his furrowed brow and serious face as he expresses something important to him. SHE HAS MISSED so much. The newborn cries, the giggles, the firsts in general, and the silly, livelihood of toddlers and preschoolers.

I want her instead of my sister to say, "You have changed, I can hear it and I am proud of you."

It hurts, it still burns and she can't be replaced. And if it weren't for being held by God Almighty, I know I alone, am too weak to make it each October.

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Nidus: noun A place where something originates or develops.

 

Proudly linking up with Jen@Soli Deo Gloria

The Tiny Guard (365 Word: Weak)

As I sat outside on a cool summer morn, I was reminded that little doesn't mean weak and wimpy.
 I know because I was entertained for 20 minutes as I gazed at a fierce, miniature watchmen.

Scarcely a true guard I know...three inches but courageous and tenacious. He is a David among giants; standing up to creatures even 10 times as large as him. I don't even know if this Rufous Hummingbird realizes his potential, or if he has faith or even needs to, but he fights for a  nourishment he deems precious.

Then, he returns over and over to a skinny limb after chasing his adversaries. 

The pint-sized soldier I am talking about.

 And I giggle, not out of disrespect, but out of admiration and with affection...and the fact that I actually doubted (with pride, yuck) that this copper-colored, burnt-orange hummer could teach me anything. I listened with my heart though as God used this little bird to pop my bubble:

1. Before a battle, and in order to endure the battle, one must refresh and fill up on nectar (God's word).

2. During and after a battle, I need to rest in a consistently safe place (In the arms of my Lord, Jesus). Even when I am weak...

3. No matter what God asks me to do, size or talent or strength or weakness won't matter...what matters is fulfilling the purpose God has created me for. God can do what he says he can do. His plans will succeed and I will find satisfaction doing his will.

4.That standing up for what I know to be true and valuable is worth any discomfort or waiting I am experiencing because I know that it won't last forever. I know what awaits me in forever.

Can you relate to any of the above? Do you ever feel too weak, or little or ill-equipped?

      

  Linking up here. Join the storytelling!

One Word 365 "Weak" update

My word for this year is weak. Mostly a negative word in our society. A label to run away from unless you are choosing humility and obedience to God.
 
Just look at the different meanings for weak...not desirable, huh?

1. Lacking physical strength, energy, or vigor; feeble.

2. Likely to fail under pressure, stress, or strain; lacking resistance: a weak link in a chain.

3. Lacking firmness of character or strength of will.

4. Lacking the proper strength or amount of ingredients: weak coffee.

5. Lacking the ability to function normally or fully: a weak heart.

6. Lacking aptitude or skill: a weak student; weak in math.

7. Lacking or resulting from a lack of intelligence.

8. Lacking persuasiveness; unconvincing: a weak argument.

9. Lacking authority or the power to govern.

10. Lacking potency or intensity: weak sunlight.

Other than #4 or #10...at some point in my life, I have exhibited each of those. I find it easy to admit I am weak when I want hubby or some male to use his God-given-more-muscle-mass for times where I am hard put to open the pickle jar.  

Yet-

Right now, I am weak...defeated in areas where I am needing victory. Areas I can't pour out here because it is too private...areas where I need God's divine intervention-NOW. Okay, I know that sounded demanding, but I can't help it. Is there anything wrong with wanting to see God change you radically sooner rather than later?  And I wonder when or how the victory will come. 

Yes, I feel His grace even as I type these words. And maybe, just maybe, one of these areas is like the thorn that Paul agonized over...the thorn to keep me dependent-no matter what, on God. My brain deliberates this and my heart receives comfort as the Lord delicately reminds me of his unconditional love. Weak in Him is a warm nest under a large wing.

When a hallelujah is inappropriate

I read Amy Sullivan's most recent blog (click on her name) and read that someone wrote about not wanting to read about so many Kumbaya moments on blog after blog (I have thought the same thing, but I didn't write it).

      There are times when life doesn't promote joy, a hallelujah and thankfulness in the initial reaction. When my brother shared the sad news of my Papaw's suicide let's just say it took awhile to give the pain to God. Life just isn't always full of profound, deep lessons. Sometimes just breathing is an act of faith and praise to God. Yes, God is always with us, but it isn't a sin to write about everyday occurrences that are not "spiritual" in and of themselves.

 Disclaimer: I am in no way condemning giving God glory, praise or the like. He so deserves it, however, God is also the one whose son wept over Lazarus even though he knew he could and would raise him from the dead. Jesus wasn't like "Now he is heaven and not in pain. Just trust God and things will get better soon."

 Sometimes a hallelujah is inappropriate.

Yes, the above has been said by that good intention 

person whose good intentions were no good 

at all. 

When we give someone this attitude especially in the beginning of their loss, struggle or other trial it is downright cruel. Sometimes people are just insensitive and dismiss your hurt so they don't have to feel the pain with you. Or they want to help you get over it sooner. Ya know "fix" it.

However, it is God who says his power is made perfect in our weakness which means that when we try to push someone out of their weakness, our action could be communicating that God is powerless to work in us. That we should only suffer in the timing and terms of someone else.

 

 Not okay. Ever.

My point? Even if your blog is to encourage others in Christ, it is okay to be honest about how hard it is to follow God sometimes. This is just as encouraging especially if what your writing is not hopeless, just honest about the struggle. I read a blog that talked about the person wishing the testing and trials would end. The pain in their words made me feel closer to God because there are times when no matter how faithful you are, the trials seem to keep coming almost on top of each other. Even Paul asked God three times to take the thorn (i.e. struggle, weakness, etc.) to be removed. I don't know if God ever removed it. It seems in scripture that it never was.

In the midst of hardships, we need to give each other respect and grace as we grieve and work out our feelings and thoughts.

My past One Word and not a new word I want...

Last year, my one word was:









It wasn't a new word to me, but my season of life last year was all about letting go of possessions, ideas, and patterns that were master over me. In other words, change needed to take place. I had also truly handed over portions of my life that I didn't even realize I was controlling or hanging onto. I worship the only true Master of my life, the Lord Jesus, and that worship deepened as well as my relationship with Him the more I focused on that word. 

My new word? Let's just say I'm not thrilled about this one. I think you'll understand when you see it.

Okay so our one word doesn't necessarily describe our character, but any seasoned Christian knows what comes with this word: stretching, trials, growth...all good really, but not easy. NO, I am not new to this, unfortunately I know how weak I really am, but it isn't like I want to write about it.
Yet, over and over God uses the weak. I believe that when we are not feeling capable and confident, then God can mold and change us. His power is far more evident. My humanness won't get in the way or take the glory as easily (and hopefully not at all). Pride is unholy and God detests it. So if I really want to be God's servant, finding joy in being a part of his purposes, I have to be willing to heed and trust the Master. I choose to not make this life of mine well, mine...

And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. 2 Corinthians 5:15 NIV

                                  

As NickelBack's line says, "each day's a gift and not a given right..." And I wonder how different the world would be everyone followed that way of thinking (NOT Nickelback's, but that each day is a gift and can be more abundant with a true savior who loves us...Christ).
       
Okay, so the weak part? I've already seen it. I have been sick since Dec. 22nd with a cold turned ear infection/perforated eardrum to a full blown bacterial sinus infection. Not fun, ya know. However, I discovered how hard it is to be physically weak; I was forced to give up control of it. There was nothing I could do. Days were spent on the couch literally. I gave into the thinking that life wouldn't fall apart if I chose to truly rest my body and my head and heart. To not let the world dictate anything. To focus on getting well and enjoying my family. Thank goodness for antibiotics (I have been feeling well since Jan. 4th), but I have missed this non-agenda, s-l-o-w-e-r life with my family!

So, although weakness can mean many things, I admit that this word made me wince in light of past trials and such. But, if I am to be all that God wants me to be (and I desire that), I have to expect and welcome growth. Welcome the learning.

So I will focus on this verse to bring encouragement...

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness..." That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV