Thoughts on F Words

I warn you that if you do not know me, I use humor to often tackle difficult subjects like this post...

The background 
This coming January, a few women and I have been asked to give a testimony on forgiveness at one of the MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) groups where I live. Of course, I've been praying and pondering on how to approach such a sensitive topic.
 Well, my thinking led to how strong emotions erupt when speaking about forgiving and my mind wondered to other "f" words who conjure similar reactions...

The point hopefully
See if this list of F-words make you wince or evoke a bad memory (If you feel nothing, you might be a psychopath. Just saying).

Flab
Fear
Feminine (ugh, right)
Flaw
Frumpy
Failure
Fat
Forgive
Fashion (I grew up wearing 80's clothes)
Fungus
Family
Father
Filthy
Fatigue
Fever
Fumble (including the football term)
Fight
Feeble
Foreign or Foreigner

So how did you do? 

Oh, there's more annoying or negative "f" words. Perhaps you even thought of one I missed, but you get my point. Some of those words are just downright painful for me. See the words in bold.

So this got me wondering if these words alone bother me, does it mean I need work on forgiveness?

No, actually that is a terrible myth. Forgiveness rarely leads to instant restoration of a relationship. Sometimes a relationship has to be severed for safety, but sometimes it is only temporarily. Forgiveness never means that the emotions disappear or even the memories. 

I am no expert so how can I write this to you as truth? I grew up in a hard family with a lot of different kinds of abuse, and that is only the beginning of my journey of extending mercy, forgiveness and grace. I could write a year of blog posts on who or what I have forgiven, but that isn't what I need to share today.

God wants me to share this...forgiveness never ends. It runs deep and overflows daily. It is a choice. And without meaning to sound cliche...it truly frees us of hurt. Frees us from bitterness and resentment. It liberates us to focus on healing, on moving onto what God wants to do in and for us. Yes, sometimes forgiving is super easy, other times near impossible, but only happens when we surrender the hurt, the unfairness, the person or circumstance to God, our Father...the ONLY one who truly understands and experienced the greatest act of pardoning. 

He knows what happened, he has seen what was done, he knows if we were at fault (which leads to natural consequences) and he allowed it to happen whether we were a victim or a perpetrator. 

Yet, the Lord promises deliverance and restoring if we trust him. 

It is worth it, I promise!

Happily linking up today with wonderful sisters in Christ here:

This Post says I love you in a whole new way!

 

Just when you think you are truly alone or no one notices you,

when you believe no one understands your struggle or hurts,

perhaps, you think no one is listening...

And then:

He paints this picture for you.

You hear, "Bring me your heart. Commit your way to me and trust me and I will make your righteousness reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.

I see you and I know your struggles." Psalm 37:5-6

There IS a God who sees us- El Roi (El Raw-ee) 

the name Hagar the slave gave to him.

Happy Valentine's Day. May we see it differently today!

Wild Horses-keep dragging me away AND setting me free

The family and I recently hiked a special land set aside for the few remaining herds of wild horses. And on our way back, after silent and spoken prayers to the Lord, we got to see two of these unbridled equine species. One coal colored and the other a coppery brown. We could see their long, uncared for manes and tails. They peacefully foraged the cliffs for grass since they somehow know winter is coming soon. And we were in awe at the view from our binoculars.

Here is a picture of the brown horse.

 And my sensitive, albeit quirky self (awareness) kicked in and I heard the Lord speak to my heart once again from his creation. It seems to be a thing with God and I. Maybe it is one of the easier ways God can get my attention.

Moving on...while admiring the horses' freedom and wildness it came to me:

We are all wild and free at the same time.

Okay, some of us have crazier manes or need a brushing more often (wink) yet, don't we all struggle with control? In some way? I desire to live free, but often my own unruliness places a saddle on me. One that God didn't create.

 And then, well this is hard to admit, but just as I am sure those wild horses would have bucked and kicked if we had attempted to ride them I know that I throw fits and kick when I feel controlled. 

Sometimes I like to rebel (against norms and people, not purposely against God). 

Yet, there's a certain freedom in the untamed life and I am not talking about disobedience, but living 

free, unhindered in Christ.  Where we relinquish ourselves from rules, and have-to's and pretenses...where realness & honesty are unhidden and it is safe to boldly go to God with every part of ourselves.

What if we did that?

Not just believing, but living truly free?    

Today. 

Where freedom is trusting God that we can dwell tangled and unkempt with him

and still be considered righteous.

We can forage peacefully, rest in His shelter (the cliff).

He wants us to.

 

Tripping Women (3 ways we do and how to stop)

I don't intentionally stick my foot out to trip other women, but it happens. Not on purpose.  Sometimes I am just being me and sometimes it is literally who I am physically that causes another woman to stumble. Or when they brag or I brag or when they share or I share-just a tiny too much...our insecurities and emotions collide until what's leftover is one colossal mess.  Where's the love, huh?
AND we say men are competitive? Um, well, this is hard to admit, but us ladies like to strut
our peacock feathers too (yes, I went there)!

So I write this message today because the more I open myself up to other women, the more I find bruised hearts and elbows needing bandaging. I am discovering how painful it is sometimes to be friends with women and that if we choose, one by one, we can stop tripping each other. We always have a choice.

So here are three ways I think we trip others and what to do instead:

1. Our voice. Ugh, our comments leave much to be desired don't they? Our statements can make another woman feel compelled to duck and cover to survive the verbal vomiting.  Okay, I have been known to let the motor mouth run way, way too much. We need "think before you speak tape" that magically appears when we need to keep our statements to ourselves. It is absolutely okay to not express our opinion and to not tell someone something you shouldn't. Gossip is a killer tripper.

2. Our false and negative assumptions- ANY time we believe something about someone without proof, or getting to know them...well, we've made something true that probably isn't. When we peg people as this way or that, we take away their freedom and ours to be ourselves. For example, we assume a mom is a terrible parent because her child is choosing to have a melt down in the middle of the store. When we assume, we judge and we destroy the essence of relationship. I find that almost 99.9 percent of the time, my beliefs about another person's intentions, what they do or don't eat, lifestyle, parenting, etc. is dead wrong!

3. Comparing- You know the stare down she gives you. You know the "this is how I do it" tone. You know the comments on how little or how much food is on your plate or the "you must exercise everyday" statements. Us women (including me, gulp) are horrible at feeling insecure when a thinner, tighter bummed, perfectly flowing hair woman crosses our path...we can either not let it bother us, or we feel bad about ourselves. We know our man noticed because if he didn't than he must have had something in his eye! This is just a problem ladies. And pretty, thin women are not to blame. Okay, now if you are fortunate to be a "looker" I would kindly appreciate it if you wouldn't display so boldly your uh-hums so that my hubby would trip on them too. Modesty doesn't have to mean old-fashioned moth-ball living.

-Where's the grace and love that this insecure, broken and imperfect world needs? That is the solution to this tripping we all keep doing to one another. My closest friends are my closest friends because they give me SO much grace and love. They let me be me and I let them be them.
   We don't let any green-eyed monsters stand in the way of honest to awesome friendship. Let's face it, us women NEED each other. God created us to love and if we aren't careful about tucking our feet in more often, then we are just hurting others daily-on purpose or not.
     So practicing the art of loving others to me is the best cure for the stumbling we create with each other.

Your thoughts?
What has someone done to cause you to trip? How can you show love today, right now?


Linking up today with Jen and other SDG awesome women at SDG

Easter food for thought...

As different people do different activities on this day, my mind and heart went here:

We are a people who believe in nothing or something. Humanity can choose

devotion to one God or many Gods or no God.

Yet...

the God I am devoted to is the most loyal, loving God I know. How?

He is the only God who ever endured humiliation, betrayal, mocking 

and beating to demonstrate that we are THAT important

to him. Love's a sacrifice and he did that because he wants us to be with him-forever

HAPPY EASTER!

One Word 365 "Weak" update

My word for this year is weak. Mostly a negative word in our society. A label to run away from unless you are choosing humility and obedience to God.
 
Just look at the different meanings for weak...not desirable, huh?

1. Lacking physical strength, energy, or vigor; feeble.

2. Likely to fail under pressure, stress, or strain; lacking resistance: a weak link in a chain.

3. Lacking firmness of character or strength of will.

4. Lacking the proper strength or amount of ingredients: weak coffee.

5. Lacking the ability to function normally or fully: a weak heart.

6. Lacking aptitude or skill: a weak student; weak in math.

7. Lacking or resulting from a lack of intelligence.

8. Lacking persuasiveness; unconvincing: a weak argument.

9. Lacking authority or the power to govern.

10. Lacking potency or intensity: weak sunlight.

Other than #4 or #10...at some point in my life, I have exhibited each of those. I find it easy to admit I am weak when I want hubby or some male to use his God-given-more-muscle-mass for times where I am hard put to open the pickle jar.  

Yet-

Right now, I am weak...defeated in areas where I am needing victory. Areas I can't pour out here because it is too private...areas where I need God's divine intervention-NOW. Okay, I know that sounded demanding, but I can't help it. Is there anything wrong with wanting to see God change you radically sooner rather than later?  And I wonder when or how the victory will come. 

Yes, I feel His grace even as I type these words. And maybe, just maybe, one of these areas is like the thorn that Paul agonized over...the thorn to keep me dependent-no matter what, on God. My brain deliberates this and my heart receives comfort as the Lord delicately reminds me of his unconditional love. Weak in Him is a warm nest under a large wing.

A humilated king: #5 (A different story and Merry Christmas)

First, let me say, "Merry Christmas!" This will be my last post until the new year. I hope each of you have a wonderful time with family.

My first ever "Cookie Nativity"

A Humiliated King

Bethlehem was busy and crowded, but only a few people knew our King and Savior was born. The barn stunk, it was cold, scratchy, itchy, raw, but it was a place to lay down and give birth. And Immanuel (God with us) was born and God was physically with us like never before. But, nothing about this "king" fit anyone's understanding of how a king should come into the world. His birthplace, his heritage, well, nothing was right. According to whom?

In my honest opinion, if Jesus had come into the world the way the world expected, then where would faith come in? Without faith, we would just follow whatever seems good and comes easy.

The fact that Jesus is so contrary is what makes me believe in him even more. His humble beginnings shows us a humble God. And Jesus did not come the way he fully deserved.  Oh, how much Jesus really sacrificed. He came with nothing and left with nothing, but our sins.

Christians are the only people who serve a God whose Son endured complete humiliation, mockery and cruelness...

ALL to say, "I love you, I forgive you, and I will sacrifice my life just to be with you." 

Merry CHRISTmas!

 

Not a "Holy" blood line: A Different Christmas Story #1

Ever wish you didn't have to read that one story The Gruffalo over and over to your child? Your child loves it though so you do...unless you are like me and you try to persuade them with a shorter, easier to read or funnier story (think Green Hat, Blue Hat, If you give a Mouse a Cookie, or Goodnight Gorilla).
                   Yet, honestly, there is one story I never tire of reading each year. A story that continues to unravel layers and rich details. The Christmas story that tells of Jesus' birth. I've heard it again and again and there is always something new revealed to my head and heart. There is something so pure, truthful and even comforting to me to say these verses out loud every year, "...You (Mary) will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign...forever; his kingdom will never end." Luke 1:31-33 NIV

-

This month, I am writing a short series (to be read like a devotional) to share what God has shown me with you. My hope is that the Lord will use this month to speak to our hearts as he changes our perspectives on the Christmas story. Hope you can join me. 

NOT a Holy Blood Line

(Matthew 1:1-17)

     When I think of kings I think of royalty, riches, honorable and noble qualities. Perhaps, my perspective of them as deserving or born into greatness comes from the fact that one is expected to worship or at least show loyalty and reverence to the king lest they get their head chopped off.

    History has shown how imperfect kings and their ancestry has been, but at the time I am sure that was not for the general public's knowledge. So why does it surprise me that Jesus' earthly blood line was so tainted?

     Maybe, like the Israelites, my version of a king comes from a misunderstood belief that a king would come from a dignified family, raised in a respectable manner and from a noble birth place.

     But, Jesus didn't. His earthly heritage was chalk full of sinners! 

Many of Jesus' great grandfathers were kings that did evil in the eyes of the Lord: Rehoboam, Abijah, Jehoram, Ahaz, Mannasseh, and Amon. Three of the four women named in the genealogy in Matthew were quite imperfect. Tamar pretended to be a prostitute and seduced her father-in-law, Rahab worked as a prostitute before her life was spared because she helped and listened to Joshua's spies before Jericho was conquered and Bathsheba committed adultery with King David.

Jesus really did come from humans full of folly, but he still came to forgive and save them and us! His imperfect genealogy shows how humbly he came into the world..."Who being in very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness..." Philippians 2:6-7

There is just something so freeing to know that if God would use a band of misfits to be Jesus' relatives then, he will certainly use us for his plans too.

 

             

Being super honest today

Today is a hard post because of how honest I am about to be. 
    Hubby has to ride his bike today in 19 degree weather and I feel sorry for him. Our Jeep's radiator is cracked and the water pump is out and this will cost us almost a thousand dollars to fix. Money we have, but money we really need-at least from our perspective. And I went on a hike last Saturday and somehow lost my driver's license. Then, there are the emotional issues and relationship struggles and terrible reactions. It was ugly last week and this week thus far. 
   Comical too. So I will be illegally driving to pick up said hubby this afternoon so he can drop me off at the local DMV and get our four year old to the dentist and hopefully pick-up the cash gouger that should be ready. Ugh! Life, huh?

So I wince and shift uncomfortably to admit that my deep seated feelings/actions toward this past week were less than ideal. I was fearful, prideful, critical, and dare say it, fleshly (oooooh).

I thought I was over faithless reactions.

Ya know the kind where you get all fearful, say stupid things, believe lies or come up with your own action plan? Striving instead of trusting God in other words.

  For a moment, I am like, um...did I seriously just do that? Hello? Where did the faithful me go?

I am so tired of the old me showing up when it feels like it.  

I wish I was scratch-art where I could use a wooden stick and scrape off the "blackness" and reveal  gold and it would stay and the flesh wouldn't mucky it up. But that job belongs to our Lord Jesus. 

THEN, the new me and the faith does come (after I smashed our decaying Jack O'Lantern with a baseball bat. Ahem, call it cheap therapy).

I read my devotional this morning. Read God's word. At first, I feel convicted, but not better.

Genesis 15:1, 17:1, 18:14 and 22:14 about whack my eyeballs and certainly pierce my heart.

    "Do not be afraid , Abram[Dionne], for I will protect you, and your reward will be great...I am El Shaddai-'God Almighty.' Serve me faithfully and live a blameless life...Is anything too hard for the Lord?...Abraham named the place Yahweh-Yireh (which means "the Lord will provide").

The Lord will provide.

My 80's childhood returns saying, "Oooh, burn." I chuckle, feel bad, but quickly realize the truth, the freedom springing forth from God's words spoken so clearly to me.

And despite my tail between my legs or the miniscule pity party...there is hope! And I want to memorize the above to fend off the humanness. But, God isn't asking me to be less human. He is asking me to trust Him when he is testing my family and me. To trust me with Him. The Lord will provide.

Your turn to be honest. Share your heart, I will treat it with care.

Gladly linking up today with:

A week of Noah (Day 4): Remembered

Answering a thoughtful question from studying Noah in The Women's Devotional Guide to the Bible by Jean E. Syswerda.

The question: "God remembered Noah" (Gen. 8:1)...Do you think God actually forgot Noah, then remembered him? If not, what other meaning could this have? 

No, our all powerful, holy God doesn't forget anyone. But, I wonder if at times Noah was beginning to wonder if the rain would ever stop. I don't know if Noah ever doubted about his situation.

I believe that when the word says, "God remembered Noah" that this was/is all the proof that our Lord keeps his promises! God did not send Noah on a boat and say, "Good luck with that and don't get eaten by any of the animals." Yes, Noah had to be super patient, but eventually the dove came back with signs that the water was receding (an olive branch). The rains did stop.
God remembered...

Just like God didn't ask my family and me to move to our current city and then abandon us. The Lord has held us, walked ahead of us and we have seen his plans unfold day to day and month to month. 

God does not forsake us. In the midst of the greatest suffering I have endured, I have been remembered. So have you. 
I have heard his word, felt his comfort, and seen his mercy. 

When we are His...we are His forever.

A little something to make you smile:

31 Days to Grace (Day 28): in disobedience

Grace is deep. Grace is amazing...amazing that God helps us even though we are a sorry lot. God has gone and still goes to great lengths to bring us to him, to forgive, protect, encourage, provide and love us...this is one obvious reason I am not God nor could I ever be: I would have given up on us at the Garden of Eden. 

Today, in Sunday school, my oldest son learned about Balaam and his disobedience. Where God used an angel and a donkey to get Balaam's attention. The story comes out of Numbers 22:1-38. The main idea they learned was, God helps us obey him!

Wait-I have to ponder that a moment...

Even when I don't feel like obeying or like Balaam, I choose to disobey our loving God will help me obey.

     He will use what he needs to (be it a talking animal which would freak me out first and then I would certainly take notice) as a means of steering me in the right direction and getting me back to his purposes.

I still can't get over the fact that Balaam's donkey starts talking and Balaam is all cool with it? Really? He is said to be a prophet and could supposedly curse people so maybe a talking donkey was not so surprising or weird?

  I am starting to digress...sorry.

God favors us tremendously! We are so loved and so important that our God will help us do what he asks.

He is perfect, but he knows I am not...what grace.

 

  

 

31 Days to Grace (Day 27): When your tired...

It is Day 27 right? The days are meshing together and this writing 31 days straight is not only a challenge, but it is making me tired. Whew!

Well, hang in there, right? I mean after today, only four more days. This is what I am telling myself. Really I am grateful for being able to write here for 31 days, but I would be lying if I didn't say sometimes it has been a pain.

So here is what God gave me today:

John 15:5

New International Version (NIV)

⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

 Oh, the beautiful symbol of grace this is...I can't write without Him. And when I am tired from striving and doing life on my own or when I am just tired from life, the Lord Jesus assures me that I must remain in Him and if I do I will bear fruit.

We can do no thing without Him. It is his grace that allows us to take our next breath. He sustains us even when we are not aware of it. 

And I've never thought of his grace like that until now. Maybe that is the point of this challenge...to go deeper with God and understand grace on a whole new level. I smile because it is true.

And now, I am going to relish these last five days.

31 Days to Grace (Day 24): When you let go

There is a peace and even empowerment when you hand over all that plagues, bombards, concerns or hurts. Yet, there is grace still when you clutch what seems hardest to relinquish.
Our gracious Lord won't nag or plead, pinch or tickle or pry it roughly from your hands. He will simply say, "I know what is best for you. Trust me with it. I will give you the best."  

 And He does.

And He did.

And He has.

 And He will.

He did at the cross with his only son. We got the best. Jesus received our worst. 

When the Israelite people messed up again and again, wandered in the desert for 40 years, God was just, but he still promised them the Promise Land. He gave them the best land. (GRACE).

In my own life, I have a roof over my head, food (at least 3 times a day), a loving husband, my health, two, sweet little boys, cars that run and freedom. Really, don't I have portions of God's best?

When I have let go and trusted God it didn't mean I always got what I desired or that the outcome was how I thought it would go...in the handing over of control, my experience has been one of desiring God's ways and plans. And I joyfully accept! 

It is rarely easy, but always worth it!

Share your "letting go" with me. I would love to hear some of your story...

 (thank you MAA for your story).

31 Days to Grace (Day 17): What Children Teach Us About Grace

I truly believe I didn't grasp how God really sees me until I had children. There is a unique understanding of grace that occurs when they come into your life. A miracle unfolds even the minute you are told you are pregnant. At least for me it did. I instantly bonded with my children in this capacity. I fell in love before they were even here. Every little movement inside my belly was a reminder of the life that was to come...of a grace I didn't understand, yet.

It is hard to explain the love you have for your children to anyone because you can't really capture it in words. You just know that these little humans stole your heart and you don't want it back.  Yes, there have been times when my sons drive me crazy, when I have felt selfish and wanted a break from raising a toddler and preschooler, but I could never imagine my life without them. No matter what those boys do, it just doesn't change how I feel about them. Nothing can diminish my love for them because they don't have to earn my love. I would practically do anything to preserve our relationship.

Sound familiar? 

If you love and know God, if Jesus is your savior, then it should. My love for my sons and the desire for a relationship with them is the closest understanding I have to how God feels about me.  There is a distinct parallel between how I love and see my children with how the Lord loves and sees me. I don't have to earn his love. Nothing I have done today, did or will do can separate me from God. 

 These boys are teaching me an aspect of grace!

God sacrificed his child, Jesus to preserve a relationship with us.  

Now that is ultimate grace!

 What have your children taught you about grace?