Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Being super honest today

Today is a hard post because of how honest I am about to be. 
    Hubby has to ride his bike today in 19 degree weather and I feel sorry for him. Our Jeep's radiator is cracked and the water pump is out and this will cost us almost a thousand dollars to fix. Money we have, but money we really need-at least from our perspective. And I went on a hike last Saturday and somehow lost my driver's license. Then, there are the emotional issues and relationship struggles and terrible reactions. It was ugly last week and this week thus far. 
   Comical too. So I will be illegally driving to pick up said hubby this afternoon so he can drop me off at the local DMV and get our four year old to the dentist and hopefully pick-up the cash gouger that should be ready. Ugh! Life, huh?

So I wince and shift uncomfortably to admit that my deep seated feelings/actions toward this past week were less than ideal. I was fearful, prideful, critical, and dare say it, fleshly (oooooh).

I thought I was over faithless reactions.

Ya know the kind where you get all fearful, say stupid things, believe lies or come up with your own action plan? Striving instead of trusting God in other words.
  For a moment, I am like, um...did I seriously just do that? Hello? Where did the faithful me go?
I am so tired of the old me showing up when it feels like it.  
I wish I was scratch-art where I could use a wooden stick and scrape off the "blackness" and reveal  gold and it would stay and the flesh wouldn't mucky it up. But that job belongs to our Lord Jesus. 

THEN, the new me and the faith does come (after I smashed our decaying Jack O'Lantern with a baseball bat. Ahem, call it cheap therapy).
I read my devotional this morning. Read God's word. At first, I feel convicted, but not better.
Genesis 15:1, 17:1, 18:14 and 22:14 about whack my eyeballs and certainly pierce my heart.
    "Do not be afraid , Abram[Dionne], for I will protect you, and your reward will be great...I am El Shaddai-'God Almighty.' Serve me faithfully and live a blameless life...Is anything too hard for the Lord?...Abraham named the place Yahweh-Yireh (which means "the Lord will provide").

The Lord will provide.

My 80's childhood returns saying, "Oooh, burn." I chuckle, feel bad, but quickly realize the truth, the freedom springing forth from God's words spoken so clearly to me.

And despite my tail between my legs or the miniscule pity party...there is hope! And I want to memorize the above to fend off the humanness. But, God isn't asking me to be less human. He is asking me to trust Him when he is testing my family and me. To trust me with Him. The Lord will provide.

Your turn to be honest. Share your heart, I will treat it with care.

Gladly linking up today with:


  1. Oh, sweet friend, I could have written a similar post about forgetting God's faithfulness and giving into worry. I think of how far, though, we have come -- even if our first reaction is not trust, we get there much faster than we did before!

    1. Yes, we have come far...such encouraging words...because I do get there faster now. Thank goodness! :)

  2. Love your honesty! Oh how easily we all slip and take back the control we thought we had handed over. I, too, find myself not trusting when life gets tough. The old fear nature creeps back in, but I am learning to loosen my grip and fall fully into His strength and grace.

  3. :) This makes me feel like laughing a little. It's so easy when life is going well to sit back and be proud of yourself for being so faithful... but as soon as the going gets tough, the tough goes and hides in a cave and cries like Elijah. Good transparency! Good reminder!

    1. Oh my goodness...you are so right, I so acted like Elijah! Yes, we do get too prideful when all is well.

  4. I have felt the same way many times. So thankful for God's grace. Trusting in His provision for you.

    1. Debbie, I don't know where I would be if I didn't have God's grace. So glad to not feel alone in my struggle. We all do it if we are honest. Thank you for stopping by! P.s. Debbie is my mom's name.

  5. It's easy for me to say it to you, be gentle with yourself, but I know I don't always follow my own advice. We've struggled the past few years with layoffs. My husband started a new job this week, and it's good, but instead of staying in that happy place, I've already started asking questions about this or that. How irritating I can't just sit in gratitude for more than a day. Ugh.

  6. Oh, I can so relate to your post this week! You touched my heart and made me laugh and pointed my eyes in the right direction. Thank you! I love your blog. I'm you're newest follower, too. :)

  7. I feel like you sometimes...wishing I was scratch art...and could scrape away the yuck. Wishing you a beautiful Thursday....

  8. God knows our struggles and he accepts us the way we are. Ah to be human,all those human emotions that get the better of us all at times. I think we are the hardest on ourselves, the most critical of ourselves. God loves us and is gracious. Thank you for being so open the rest of us nod as we too are human. Smiles.

  9. I love your honest heart! Sometimes it seems I've lived a lifetime in the place you describe...but God is always faithful! Blessings on your day!


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