Friday, September 20, 2013

Five-Minutes on She

On Fridays a bunch of brave writers gather at Lisa-Jo's blog to all spend 5 collective minutes writing on a single prompt.    Go here to join .

             The prompt? She.

She came from the same family as me, but she is different. Her story is different. Her choices and the words of hurt she heard.

I heard some of those stinging words said to her and I wish I could make dad take them back.
SHE still thinks those words are true of her, but they are not. God's words say something else. I say something else to encourage and speak love into her life. I hear it helping. She is in a terribly hard place where the man she married hurls hurtful words like dad at her and money is tight. She feels like there is no escape, yet she believes and clings to God's hope and redemption for her. 

It really is the best and worst place to be in life.

To be completely dependent on God because circumstances are impossible is where God wants her, but she is tired. I feel her exhaustion and sadness. And my merciful heart cries, "Abba, please."

I haven't seen her for over 5 years, but we talk and we write and we dream about a "safe" place to see each other again. And she ends our recent phone call sick, but with some laughter. 

SHE is being prayed for and whether she understands it fully, 
SHE is heard.

...The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer.
Psalm 6: 6-9, Psalm 40:1 NIV

Monday, September 9, 2013

I am a beautiful mess (Part two)

Today, I am feeling more beautiful than messy.
This is good, right?  I can't house and portions of my life to a degree are a mess. I seriously need to get floor cleaner and mop. At least I vacuumed, but I swear that the laundry and groceries have it out for me. I. Can. Never. Seem. To. Catch up!

BUT...I had a great morning with the Lord...he is the author of my beauty. And I am grateful.

I also have been trying to figure out how to embrace the story of who I am-past, present, future. How I am to share that this year with others and at MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers).

I tend to think of beauty in outside terms and I believe most people do too. However, I don't want that to ever be my message. For the record, I am not talking about ditching sunscreen or lotion, or bathing (good hygiene and no skin cancer is a good thing), but if we are "ugly" on the inside than no amount of beauty or taking care of our outside selves will win us friends...and it will not shine Christ.

I came across a random article and reflection paper among some old MOPS materials and realized that embracing my story is embracing God's purpose for me, embracing how he sees me. I am not who I am randomly. Oh, how beautifully orchestrated we all are.
  Then, I realized that to do this I have to understand both the human and spiritual side of my story. I need to understand aspects of my personality, my natural tendencies, how I was raised, understanding my God given spiritual gift(s) and looking at specific experiences and circumstances mixed with what God was doing in that moment.
UM, this is not at all easy. Okay, I have been doing this for the
past 10 years as I have taken a plethora of tests, read books, deepened my 
relationship with God, etc., but it is painful and time-consuming. Yet
it is freeing and has been worth it. 

The most interesting discovery? My personality exists in only 3 percent of the population...this explains a lot for me. 
 So where does one start?

Go  Here to learn more about my personality type and Visit here 
to learn about your personality type. (I promise I am not endorsing or receiving any form of compensation for the links I am providing...this website and test, to me is the most specific and accurate of all the tests I have taken sans the spiritual gifts test).

Friday, September 6, 2013

I am a beautiful mess: Part one

I am a mess. I don't always feel beautiful. In fact, if I have no place to go, I don't go out of my way to look beautiful. Ya know, no make-up, hair unwashed or if washed-tucked behind the ears or in a pony tail.

I am a mess-right now! Always, but I don't show it to everyone. Isn't that human? We can't be vulnerable with everyone. Can you imagine how interesting or bizzaro (I know, not a word) our world would be if we walked around being vulnerable with everyone?

IF we shared our REAL story. Chose a little more rawness over reserved? 

I have been trying this for so long now and let me tell you that generally most people DON'T welcome it. They want the abridged version. They don't have time. I can relate.
We really can't hear everyone's deeper story. 

Honestly, I WANT to hear everyone's deeper stories. I am intrigued, inspired
and well, curious. I just don't have time.

AND, God didn't create all of us to be counselors 24/7 and we can't be everything to everyone...though I have been guilty of trying. You know you have tried it too.

So how do we solve this? How do we discern when we should encourage others to share or when we  should go beyond being informed to being more hearing and responding with action to those around us?

What came to my heart was this answer: Are you being selfish or self-less or serving? Hmmm...

I doubt God ever wants us to be selfish. And it isn't about being self-less. It is about less self and serving. I hear this as it coming down to discernment. Praying and listening and trusting God in every relationship and circumstance. It is being hyper-aware of what God is doing in our lives. Is this relationship in our life one where God is asking us to serve Him and them and not ourselves? Or is it one where we need to take caution and NOT share much or only listen?

Oh, you should see the inside of me right now. These thoughts above mixed with my human self look like a bunch of tangled up wires. It is a mess. I don't have it all figured out...this is where the messy part comes you missed it. 

I truly crave deeper is how I was made. Okay, yes, being a woman is part of the deal. 
Anyways, would love to hear your thoughts! So please share.

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