Monday, November 24, 2014

When 1 Thessalonians 5:18 resonates...

We all know it's that time of year where Turkeys have no idea their fate and families cook gobs of food and regret the leftovers. However, I am NOT going to write another T-day blog post or tell you the thousandth thing I am thankful for...besides that would be way too obvious and easy.
I have a rebellious streak anyways.
Right now, I am suspended between feeling grateful and feeling grumpy to the point that writing about this is the safest way to deal with this dangling dilemma. And I need to face it.

Here's the story:
    Over the past 3 years, I have grown in my gratitude, become more mindful of when I am taking something or someone for granted and making sure I check my heart for sincerity here. I don't want to live with ingratitude for what God did and has done for me and not be thankful for the generosity of Him and other people. I want to be a woman who understands/acknowledges the blessings, grace and goodness she has received and to cherish those.

This would be easier if I weren't human and could be content in all situations...
So guess what happens to sneak itself into my life recently?
 1Thessalonians 5:18. 
"Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you."

I'll admit that the first time I read this (a few plus years back) that I stumbled,
but I am not desiring to take this verse out of context. I don't believe that God is asking us to be thankful for bad being in the middle of a stomach bug or miscarriage or some horrific news and to be honest, I don't think I have 100% sincerely given thanks in these past circumstances: A suicide, my mom's sudden death, and some abuse.  
I see this verse as personal to each individual. Gratefulness just can't be bought or forced. We have to get there through God working in our hearts in the situations that are his "will for" us.

Am I alone though in wanting a break from the molding, the shaping...the metamorphosis of thy heart?
See, two in my family are waiting for a diagnosis.  Probably not life threatening as long as they have the right type, but nonetheless a syndrome that has affected and will affect their lives.
One half of my heart is grateful because a diagnosis is an answer! It reveals, clarifies, and explains so much. Unfortunately, depending on the diagnosis, it could be downright scary and well, waiting is part of the game and I ain't so grateful for that...waiting is stressful. Yet, in the waiting, we continue to grow in the patience arena. However, this syndrome is a change in our family with limitations, proneness to not so fun stuff and well it will be our fifth major transition since we moved to Grand Junction 3 years ago! Ugh, transitions are just plain tough.

Do you see my conundrum? My heart swings back and forth from thank you and no thank you.
Well, I never said I wasn't a work in progress!

When all of this comes to light, I do believe we will see healing, I have faith we will make it through.
In the meantime, would you pray for our family?  

Happily linking up here:

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Sometimes remembering is the best gift to give...

He came home with a fall-colored plant of Gerbera Daisies and mint-chocolate ice cream. His gifts a gesture that He remembered. One simple act practically overshadowing the years (eight thus far) of grief that still plague my heart every time October 29th comes around. I will always miss my mom.

I know I cannot really explain thoroughly how just remembering is the best gift to give. Sure, listening is supportive and kind words are too, but just the acknowledgement itself speaks life into my soul; communicating love and selfless care.

She lives in Oregon and her schedule is full, yet she still managed to text me and tell me she was thinking of me. She was praying for my heart today.  Again...remembering.

If you haven't experienced great loss and grief, then what I am writing will be hard to understand. However, I can tell you that a day will come (unfortunately) when a loss of some kind will knock your heart out of your chest. I only hope you have someone to love you amidst your pain. 

I pray someone will remember for you too.

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