Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas!

Wishing All of you a Very Merry Christmas and a peaceful, Happy New Year.

Thank you for reading my ramblings and commenting. I really appreciate the support.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

You know you're a mom when...

You know you are a Mom when...

You pick a booger out of your second son's nose because:
a) He tried to blow it out, but it was still there and visible.
b) It was blocking his whole right nostril and you felt bad for him.
c) You were worried you would be one of "those" moms who are labeled as lazy with gross kids.
d) All of the above.

Yes, I admit I did it. Don't worry, being a bit germaphobic, I thoroughly washed my hands.

(Hey, I would NOT pick any other persons' nose other than my little kids and mine)

You know you are a Mom when...

You find your son playing "artist" and painting his poo ALL OVER his crib! Yep, fun stuff. You find yourself gagging while scrubbing, no sand blasting the poop off his little body and giving him two baths. *All salvageable items were placed in hot water in the washer or scoured with tons of bleach.

When you share most of your meal with them.
You say,"I have to go potty" to your mother-in-law.
You act like a fool to get your kid to do something. will read one more book, hug one more time, all in the name of loving a child whose very existence makes you wonder what you did before they came into your world!

To my two, precious boys! Mommy loves you so much.


Tripping on Christmas Ribbon

Six more days til' Christmas!!

I finally finished all of my shopping. I stood in a long line at the Post Office to send off final packages. Done?

Nopers...I still have to hide and wrap presents. Anyone else struggle with this task?

Don't get me wrong, I really like to do both.
However, I am running out of places to hide the gifts. The bigger the gift, the harder it is to conceal. Under my bed is full, and the closet is no longer an option. I am thinking of using the garage or trunk of the car for my newest alternative.

Then, there are my final wrapping attempts. They would not win any wrapped gift contests. I think even Martha Stewart would gasp.

Ya know those blue or marked lines on the inner side of the wrapping paper?
Yep, those are for fools like me. I am artistic, but I can't draw much less cut a straight line!

Every one of my wrapping undertaking ends with wrinkles, bubbles, uneven folds, too much tape, sometimes tears or holes, but always with a bows, ribbons or both.

Did my grandmother or mom struggle with this affliction? No, as a matter of fact I used to stare with awe (and envy) as they so crisply folded and taped gifts. The perfect creases with no wrinkles. Tight, neat, inspiring. How did they do it?

In my defense, I am really good at dragging the scissors across the paper (as I carefully follow the marked lines) to cut it. It looks really suave.

When I venture wrapping gifts, the room is littered with ribbons, tissue, boxes and bows. If I don't trip on the Christmas ribbon, then I am busy curling it with the edge of the scissors' blade so my packages at least look a tad fancy. My hubby actually rubbed off the metallic shine of the ribbon as he about tore it when he tried to curl it. Yes, I was in stitches and smirked with satisfaction. I wasn't alone in my trimming disasters.

The worst part of my wrapping endeavor is when I get the tape stuck on itself or even worse, I unintentionally stick it to the can't take it off or you'll tear the decoration (and paper). At this point, I should surrender to my wrapping malady. I don't. I have to wrap the gifts. I don't want to pay someone else to do it!

Yeah...I think I should re-wrap this gift! Notice the elegant wrinkling and folding at the top.

Okay, okay...I know. Does it really matter if my gift looks like it stepped out of Martha Stewart's hand? How many people receiving my gifts really look it over and say, "I can't accept this. It is wrapped so terribly."

I try so hard. I guess it does matter to me. Honestly?
I put Christmas music on, drink hot cocoa, and do it anyway.

It is fun to give imperfectly clothed gifts!

Monday, December 19, 2011

A spoonful of courage to write this now

I love this time of year. Really, what's not to like?

Okay, not everyone has the perfect situation, family, or wealth to make this a "Pottery Barn" extravaganza. However, isn't it all in your head or heart?

I feel like this time of year brings out the worst and best of me.

I give more, I dwell in the past more, I cherish more, want more (greedy girl), and I have more gratitude for what I do possess.

Why am I like a good and evil twin all wrapped up? (sorry for the pun).

Is it the pressure of the holiday? Is it the expectations? The need to bake perfectly frosted cookies?
The fact that I know I am present wrapping challenged?
(I seriously cannot keep the paper tight and unwrinkled)

Although, I am sure some of those reasons affect my psyche in a harmful way...well, a lot of it is just plain silly...not worth getting all worked up about it.

This year is different. I actually faced a few pieces of the problems that have been causing me anxiety and bringing out some of my ugly side.

I am lonely. I need connections that don't happen in 4 months. I need patience. I have friends. They just don't live in the same town. I am also full of what if's and how comes?

It is my relationship with my father.

All of my life I have felt invisible when I am around my father. I can be in the same room as him and still feel like a ghost. It injures self-worth.

How does one person have so much power over me?

I am no perfect daughter. There's no such thing as a flawless father.

All I really want my dad to do is be interested in me. Like me. Notice how different I am now as a 30 something adult. I want him to be in love with his grandchildren.

I have forgiven him. I just want a relationship.
A child shouldn't have to beg for a relationship. Is our relationship that indispensable to him?

He is my only remaining parent on earth. I don't want to feel like an orphan.

I have tried everything. Kindness, space, forgiveness, amends, respect, pictures, cards, phone calls. All in vain. I have OFFICIALLY moved to the label of a stalker.

God says to honor thy mother and father. Is it more honoring to leave him be?

Should I quit? Give up? Let it go?

I haven't made my decision yet. I should probably ask a counselor their thoughts...?

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Thoughts on the Nativity:Inn Crowd verses the Stable Few

Writer's Workshop: .3 Your Nativity

My husband and I created it with our own hands. It is definitely no accurate portrayal of the more than 2,000 yr. old event that took place. But it is special. We made it. Every time we display it, I remember the love and respect that went into making it.

A friend quoted this saying, "Are you with the Inn Crowd or the Stable Few?"

I've never intentionally joined the Inn Crowd and it took a while to be able to hang with the Stable Few.


When I think of the Nativity, I think of a man, who wasn't technically the Father choose a child over disbelief.

I wish my father had chosen me instead of his job, his selfish desires, or another woman's children.

I think of a young mother who chose faith over ridicule and shame.

I think of two parents who risked everything for a child. Who were brave enough to face a long journey only to have a child in the most inconvenient place.

Shepherd's, whose religion saved their lives. They got to see angels in all their glory singing what I am sure was an amazing song.

Wise men who accepted the prediction in scriptures, followed a star and brought gifts to a baby they said, "...who has been born king of the Jews?" (NIV)


A man (Herod) so disturbed and threatened that he would declare that all boys in Bethlehem under two be killed.

I think of all the people who mocked and hated this baby when he became a man. The people who do this now.

I remember that when I put myself first, when I am unkind, or (insert ugly behavior here) that I might as well join the Inn crowd.

Then, I remember why this baby came in the first place. This unique circumstance.

The beauty of the Nativity is the gift behind it:

NO MATTER whether I am with the Inn crowd or the Stable few,
His birth was a gift to humanity, to me:
I am forgiven.
I am loved anyway.
He came for me.
He is for me.
I will be with him for eternity.

I remember that a baby made such an impact that a huge portion of the world celebrates a great holiday called, Christmas.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Hard Questions: Part 3: The final installment of the Adkison Sagas

Above: the house we sold in Ft. Collins.

you like my title?

Sarcasm and silliness is my kind of humor.

In case you missed the first two in the trio or you are lost, here is a synopsis:

On August 3rd, we drove the curvy, steep, but beautiful Interstate 70 from Fort Collins to Grand Junction, Colorado. We were leaving a placed we really like because Chris got a full-time teaching job at a middle school. We believed and still do that the Lord wants us to be in Grand Junction. I am struggling because I am lonely and I am a Stay-at-Home mom for the first time. I am still unsure about this new label and my place in life right now. Chris and I miss Ft. Collins A LOT!
From the second part of the story...

Monday, December 12, 2011

12 Arduous, Amazing Years

Hubby and I celebrated 12 years on 12-11-11.

12 years ago this day, we made a choice to be committed to each other for life.

8 years were especially arduous.
All have been really amazing.

Arduous times:
Four deaths in one year, losing a job because of the economy just AFTER agreeing to buy a home, changing jobs, changing careers twice, going back to college, moving to a new state or city, family frustrations, finding another great church, a child in a hospital, being a charity case or dependent on others for help, going without to do the right thing, surgeries, injuries, a Peeping Tom, the invasion of mice, severe allergic reaction to mean Yellow Jackets, rejection and letting go of things you hold dear.

Amazing times:
Experiencing forgiveness, round pregnant bellies, the birth of two, healthy boys, newborn cries, being closer (mentally, emotionally and now physically) to family, aging, seeing beautiful places and being in nature together, climbing rocks, climbing spiritual mountains, giving anonymously, laughing, learning to be parents, working as a team, seeing the Sequoia Trees, playing in mountain rivers, supporting each other through disappointments, with health goals, with sugar challenges (smile).

It is easier to focus on the difficulties of marriage and life. The world in general doesn't seem to be for healthy marriages, but I am.

We've never had a perfect marriage. We've both hurt each other, but we have both loved each other through those hurts.

I want another 12 years and more of all of it. I would do it all again.

I married my best friend!

(Which is why I can get a way with making a silly face and in tricking my husband into thinking my face was normal...haha!)

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Writer's Workshop: Flakes of Wrath

Flakes of Wrath hit hard.

A blizzard predicted perfectly.

Stuck at work with panicked students.
Spanish phone calls to frightened parents.

Cars stalled, slipping, stuck.

Digging mounds of pure white,
an attempt to remove all evidence.

Headline reads: Hubby hero
saves teens;
He helps them push bus out of a huge snow drift.

After snow chains applied to tires,
freedom to move occurs slowly, slippery.

An abandoned car sits outside my home.
Lonely, frozen in time.

Furious flakes accumulate and threaten to bury it.

Knee deep with snowmen as my goal, I wait patiently for the end of the pure fury.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Hard Questions: Part 2

So my newest, hard question from my son is, "How come your mommy passed away?" Good question. The best I could come up with is that our bodies get old and stop working. The Lord wanted my mom to be with him in heaven.

He seemed pretty okay with that answer, but still had a baffled look on his face because he wanted more why and I really didn't know what to say.

I want more why too! I can be quiet frustrated and pained by less why. My patience is strained when I don't have a clue to what the answer is to my question(s).

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

From traditions to fun activities for Christmas

I did not grow up with a ton of neat, heart-warming Christmas traditions. My family celebrated C-mas and we usually had some festive food and opened one gift on C-mas Eve. I believed in Santa so I always had a few unwrapped presents under the tree. I had a stuffed stocking as well.

The best tradition that sticks out in my mind is how we always went to look at Christmas lights as a family (before my parents divorced). People's homes morphed from ho-hum to magical displays. Some houses had mechanical or robotic "moving" Santas, reindeer, and the like. There was often even live Christmas music! These beautiful, fantasy scenes always left me wide-eyed, awed and excited for the big day.

Now, I am a married mom to two wide-eyed sons. I haven't opened a gift on Christmas Eve since 2004. However, I have continued stuffing stockings, looking at C-mas lights and making festive food. One year my hubby and I made a Nativity scene out of clay. (See picture below)

I will take orders if anyone would like one of these for their home next Christmas. $30-80 plus shipping. (wink, smile)

Along with the old customs remaining, I have added and will continue to add new ones.
Presently, I bake Christmas cookies (I always try a new recipe), decorate them, eat them and also share them with neighbors. Also, I buy a new ornament every year. Since both of my sons were born, I have purchased ornaments for them. I also like to make fancy, paper snowflakes.

This year is full of firsts: A ginger bread house, creating pretend stained-glass ornaments, a Santa Advent calendar, A made-of-glue Snowman ornament, answering hard questions about Santa and Jesus, teaching my children that December is the 12th month and all about its secular as well as religious customs, and making C-mas crafts using your hand or foot! (Reindeer and Santas are too cute this way, believe me)!

Here are some samples:

I will gladly share how to do any of these activities if you are interested.

I appreciate these new traditions and keeping the old. I realize that my inner kid gets to shine.

Please share your traditions and fun activities with me.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Hard Questions: Part 1

My son, Schafer has recently been asking hard questions. For example, he has asked, "How come I can't see Jesus?" "Does all of our family have God in their hearts?" And cute ones like, "What toys does Jesus have in his house in heaven, Can you ask him for me?"
The most difficult part of his questions are trying to answer him in a way that he can understand. Sometimes I don't know the answer or I find that there isn't an easy way to explain it to him.

What amazes me is his ability to be okay with what I do tell him.

He trusts me.

What about me? Can I be okay with what God tells me?
I want God to say, "She trusts me."

I won't pretend that I trust Him entirely. Heck, I'm human and would be a liar if I said I never worried or doubted what God was doing. I won't deny that I like to have a bit of control and am tempted to do things my way (human foolishness).
BUT...His word clearly states,
My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,
and my ways are far beyond anything you can imagine.
Isaiah 55:8 (NLT)

Yep, ain't that the truth!

I want to begin to share my current story. I have been putting off sharing it with others because it has involved so much faith, patience, perseverance and well, it is still ongoing in my life as I write this so it is quite difficult to express properly in words. Maybe it is the timing as well.

Although, I have been through trials and transitions before, this particular event has truly changed my life and is changing how I view myself and God.

It started last Fall of 2010 when I held a bible study by Priscilla Shirer called, Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted. Two other women joined me. The premise of the study is that when life's disruptions happen as they always do, that you can change your perspective on them. Sometimes those interruptions are from the Lord. Shirer states, "A life interrupted by a holy God is a privilege."

I'll admit that the statement is true, but it is not easy to accept when you are feeling like the poster child. The bible study was the precursor to what lied ahead for me. Even in the first week of the study, the Lord pressed on my heart that I was to let go of my current job and stay home with my children.

I am going to start backwards today. Start at the current end instead of the beginning. I think it will make more sense this way.
Disclaimer: If you live in Grand Junction and are reading this, you might get offended and I am sorry, but I need to speak the truth.

I live in Grand Junction, CO. About 4 months ago, I lived in Fort Collins, CO. My husband got a teaching job here and this is the main reason we had to move.

The hard question I've been asking is, "Lord, why did you bring us here?" This place is so different than Ft. Collins. Ft. Collins is lush, progressive, clean. Grand Junction is more like a desert. Many people walk around with beaver faces, shaved heads and
camo for everyday attire. There are a lot of old, broken down homes, fifthly warehouses and junk. There are different values here and the culture is different.
I am used to city or suburban life. Used to an abundance of natural areas, clean, safe parks, and an amazing bike trail that runs through the town of F.C.

I am probably not being fair. I know I sound judgmental. I really am not. I've just experienced a sense of culture shock. I am trying to accept this place as my new home, really.

The hope I am clinging to right now is that the Lord has a plan and purpose for my family. That maybe it is LESS about me and more about the people of GJ.

I know that I have changed. Moving to GJ forced me to make the changes that God is requiring of me: quit your job, stay home, write, teach your little ones, enjoy the lack of stress a job outside the home can bring, and love those I bring to you.

This is my hope. At least I have hope!

Stay tuned (wink, wink) for me to explain more of my story of how we got to GJ. I will do my best to not disappoint...
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