Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Hard Questions: Part 2

So my newest, hard question from my son is, "How come your mommy passed away?" Good question. The best I could come up with is that our bodies get old and stop working. The Lord wanted my mom to be with him in heaven.

He seemed pretty okay with that answer, but still had a baffled look on his face because he wanted more why and I really didn't know what to say.

I want more why too! I can be quiet frustrated and pained by less why. My patience is strained when I don't have a clue to what the answer is to my question(s).

So...back in April (2011) up to now has been lots of whys, and an occasional, "Okay, but now what?"
FOR THE RECORD: We had every intention of staying in Ft. Collins.
It all began when my Hubby started applying that Spring for math teaching jobs in Ft. Collins. Now, something you need to know is that Fort Collins isn't a huge city and there is only ONE school district. Getting a job there is practically impossible because it is so competitive. Did I mention there are two colleges (one in the town itself and one in Greeley, CO) that have teaching programs?

Now the reality for me was that NO matter where Chris got a job it was definitely going to affect my job status. Why? There's that word again...because I was working part-time as a teacher and unless I found full-time work my job was a wash job. I would be paying money to a daycare provider and making chump change for a profit. It just wouldn't have made sense to keep my current job.

No, I didn't exactly bow down gracefully to this reality. In fact, I wrote in my journal of how I felt resentment that I had to choose letting go of my job, changing jobs or staying home. I KNEW God was asking me to let go of my job. I consistently contemplated this thought, "What if I really am forced to let go?...What if I don't like the change?" This is where trusting God is so huge.

It is one thing to know clearly what God is asking you to do and then choosing to respond in obedience (like Jonah), but WE didn't fully know or understand at the time what God was doing or asking us to do. Our ONLY obedience was to trust, pray and look for Him working in the situation.

After many rejections, we decided that we should consider moving. So we looked at Grand Junction because: 1. It was still in Colorado. 2. It was the closest to some family (Chris' parents and grandparents).
After 12 interviews...On June 8th, Chris landed a job at a middles school in Grand Junction.

YOU KNOW that moment when you want something so bad and you are tired of waiting-then you get it and it turns out to not entirely be what you want? Well, that is exactly the punch in the stomach I felt when I knew that we were going to have to leave Ft. Collins.

***To pull this off, we were going to have to sell our home, pack, say goodbye to our friends, say goodbye to 7 years of memories, leave a job, leave students, co-workers, and a boss who were incredible to work with, miss our church, DRIVE a moving truck ACROSS I-70, unpack, and do ALL OF THIS by Aug. 11th!!

Are you kidding me God? Oh, the stress of it all!!

Above is a picture of one of my favorite spots in Ft. Collins. We always enjoyed treats like good coffee, milkshakes or smoothies here as a family. The boys loved to play with all the wonderful things "nature" has to offer.

Stay tuned for the real juicy bits of the story. Miracles and blessings included!


  1. Dionne, this is a hard question. I don't know the answer too. It is one of the mysteries that God has for us. We only can seek God and get the answer.
    I pray for you and for your son. One day you will get "the more" you wanna know.


  2. I was going to comment on today's post, but got stalled when I saw this one. You commented on my post from last year, when my mom was sick. This year, we lost her in June, and we didn't sing The Night Before Christmas. I know that Mom truly has loosed her earthly bonds (and she's darn happy to be out of that wheelchair) and is singing in the angel choir. I have to be happy for her and try to get over my own grief. Blessings for Christmas, and I hope you come back to visit me again.

  3. Oh boy. This is tough. I lost my Mom not long ago and have to admit I've asked myself that question more than few times. I have also learned that sometimes we don't really know the answers and it took me way too long to decide that that was going to have to be OK. Sometimes we just have to trust Him. I've also moved around a bit with the military and it was hard leaving places I loved behind. God bless you in your new adventure!


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