The Tiny Guard (365 Word: Weak)

As I sat outside on a cool summer morn, I was reminded that little doesn't mean weak and wimpy.
 I know because I was entertained for 20 minutes as I gazed at a fierce, miniature watchmen.

Scarcely a true guard I know...three inches but courageous and tenacious. He is a David among giants; standing up to creatures even 10 times as large as him. I don't even know if this Rufous Hummingbird realizes his potential, or if he has faith or even needs to, but he fights for a  nourishment he deems precious.

Then, he returns over and over to a skinny limb after chasing his adversaries. 

The pint-sized soldier I am talking about.

 And I giggle, not out of disrespect, but out of admiration and with affection...and the fact that I actually doubted (with pride, yuck) that this copper-colored, burnt-orange hummer could teach me anything. I listened with my heart though as God used this little bird to pop my bubble:

1. Before a battle, and in order to endure the battle, one must refresh and fill up on nectar (God's word).

2. During and after a battle, I need to rest in a consistently safe place (In the arms of my Lord, Jesus). Even when I am weak...

3. No matter what God asks me to do, size or talent or strength or weakness won't matter...what matters is fulfilling the purpose God has created me for. God can do what he says he can do. His plans will succeed and I will find satisfaction doing his will.

4.That standing up for what I know to be true and valuable is worth any discomfort or waiting I am experiencing because I know that it won't last forever. I know what awaits me in forever.

Can you relate to any of the above? Do you ever feel too weak, or little or ill-equipped?

      

  Linking up here. Join the storytelling!

In which I think I am ready to jump

My palms are sweaty, my heart's racing, while fear courses thru my heart and veins. There's never a moment that I think of jumping out into the sky...of letting it all go. He has strapped me to him. He has a parachute and so do I. He's got my life literally in his hands and well, he knows it is okay if we jump. Gulp. I don't desire it. I can't do it. He says I can. I don't want to, thank you.

Instead, I would rather be strapped to my chair until I touch ground. It's safer on the ground. My feet can touch and I have some control. 

To make matters worse, I have to jump twice. Um, yeah. Twice!

What if's run through my head. I ache. I am torn. What if I am hearing it all wrong? What if the jumping leads to injury that's permanent? One that I feel for sure I can't recover from. At least that's how it feels right now.

My first jump involves my first born child. He's five. School is looming. Decisions, deadlines, meetings, paperwork and defining choices hang in the air. Every inch I move toward the inevitable makes me ache. Like pushing through deep snow with a layer of ice on top each step stings. I've entertained home schooling, half-day kindergarten and we are signed up for popular schools with lottery systems.  I am not sure what is best for my child. Not entirely anyway. Some of of this I can't control and this is good. No control means God is in complete control.

This is what I really want.

 For God to be in control. Complete control. Here's my recent conversation, "God, you can go ahead and do all the work. You can go ahead and make the decisions for me. I will just sit back and be the chicken, wimpy mommy I am. Okay? Great."

        I also realize that not being ready to send my child off into the world without my hovering, without my protection isn't wrong. In my opinion, it is great. It makes me a loving mom. Okay, yes, I know eventually I have to let him grow up and grow away from me, but how long can I hold that off cause I only think I am ready to jump.

MY SECOND JUMP? It has more consequences than the first. Really!

It involves letting go of relationships where the two involved don't respect me. Where their selfishness gets in the way. They are volatile, unsafe and toxic. I mentioned in a post recently that I don't know why I hang on. This jump feels raw. It feels severe and yet, necessary. There is no point in keeping relationships with family or anyone where there is no reciprocating. Where investing only leads to more hurt, more agony. I haven't even spoken to one in over two years. 

I think I am ready to jump. I hold on tight as the wind of fear slaps me in all directions. God holds me close and whispers, "I know what is best for you and for your family. I hold a parachute of truth you can trust. Hold onto me, jump and I will catch you, always."

I close my eyes...

Your turn, is there some area of your life where you need to jump?

Happily linking up at Jen's Soli Deo Gloria

31 Days to Grace (Day 28): in disobedience

Grace is deep. Grace is amazing...amazing that God helps us even though we are a sorry lot. God has gone and still goes to great lengths to bring us to him, to forgive, protect, encourage, provide and love us...this is one obvious reason I am not God nor could I ever be: I would have given up on us at the Garden of Eden. 

Today, in Sunday school, my oldest son learned about Balaam and his disobedience. Where God used an angel and a donkey to get Balaam's attention. The story comes out of Numbers 22:1-38. The main idea they learned was, God helps us obey him!

Wait-I have to ponder that a moment...

Even when I don't feel like obeying or like Balaam, I choose to disobey our loving God will help me obey.

     He will use what he needs to (be it a talking animal which would freak me out first and then I would certainly take notice) as a means of steering me in the right direction and getting me back to his purposes.

I still can't get over the fact that Balaam's donkey starts talking and Balaam is all cool with it? Really? He is said to be a prophet and could supposedly curse people so maybe a talking donkey was not so surprising or weird?

  I am starting to digress...sorry.

God favors us tremendously! We are so loved and so important that our God will help us do what he asks.

He is perfect, but he knows I am not...what grace.

 

  

 

31 Days to Grace (Day 26): Shut. Up.

 Today is Five Minute Friday where Lisa-Jo 
challenges us to not edit, but just write and not worry about it being perfect.  Go!

Shut Up! Not a nice phrase, but straight to the point.

It is what you say to the voice that doesn't deserve credit or any response. The one that needs to be ignored when you are trying so hard to do your best. When your serving with love and you wonder if only God notices because there isn't much return on the investment.

The voice that lies and creates furrows in your heart as it convinces you that you will never be loved like you want to by your earthly father. That you are the problem.

Whispers of deceit float in your brain and remind you of how your voice isn't heard and does anyone really need to read another blog? Your blog?

The flesh says cruel things. And the enemy even crueler.  And the only way to pop this hallucination of untruth is to tell it,  "SHUT UP" and to kill it with God's truth about you:

- (On serving)
...Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Matthew 25:31-46 NIV

-(We have a heavenly Father)
   "I have cared for you since you were born. Yes, I carried you before you were born. I will be your God throughout your lifetime-until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you..." Isaiah 46: 3-4 NLT 

(On my blog and who I really am...)

-For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast. Eph. 2:8-9

I am fearfully and wonderfully made and whatever I do, I do it all for the Lord!

 So Ka-pow to the liar!   :)

(5 minutes to write, 5 minutes to make sure scripture was all legit...a lifetime with the Lord Jesus Christ)! 

Trapped in Parent Land

Parent Land: (Noun) 1.When Someone whom is a parent gets caught up in thinking that their young children daily plot new ways to offend them. 2. Someone caught up in perpetual parent guilt. 3. A place where parents meet to hopefully find camaraderie and to show battle scars.

This is where I am at. Trapped in reruns. I often don't enjoy reruns of some shows. And honestly, who in the world wants to watch mine? Not I, thank you very much.

I seriously find my self offended by and sensitive with my children. Daily I am experiencing a feeling that they really don't like me, enjoy dissing and not listening to me. In one word: I feel disrespected by my children. They are only 2 and 4.  Really?

DON'T you dare say it to impose some self-righteousness, "Welcome to parenting." 

Instead, I am writing this to share my struggle. To voice out what I am feeling in hopes to understand and (see #3 in the definition of Parent Land).

I have always been labeled a sensitive person. I like to call myself compassionate and conscientious if you don't mind.  So I possess a very uncanny sense of the motivation of others, but this is usually better executed with older children and adults. This can be a curse as I find myself questioning people more than I probably ever should. I do this with my children. Yes, sometimes it bores itself out of my insecurities. Out of my need for approval.

But, what if I am wrong? I am wrong at times. What if my children are just well, being children? Here comes the parent guilt! See, I am feeling like my children and I are butting heads more than I want. That I fail more at parenting then succeed. I am afraid they will grow up carrying my baggage or have the issues I still face as an adult. 

I want to protect them. 

Protect them from me...from my sins. I want them to see this woman after God's own heart and not think, hypocrite.

To understand  and clearly see my faith, my love for the Lord...how much I CANNOT and REFUSE to do life without the Lord. He is my hero...my Savior.

YET...I will never do it perfectly. What if I have already crossed the line? What if the yelling, impatience or harshness has already ruined things? What if the hugs, kisses, pats on the back, loving discipline, saying, "I am sorry for..." and open heart and arms is not enough?

What then? 

God steps in and tells my heart, "I've got this, so hand it over."

      AND...

I am reminded, "...The world and all its people belong to Him." Psalm 24:1 

Alright, your turn. Share your battle scars with me...


Linking up with: http://www.findingheaventoday.com/ 
 

The Clues are everywhere...

Ever notice that when God is trying to get you to listen or a change is coming that he uses all kinds of signs? In my case, it seems to be books, random-out-of-the-blue You Tube videos, a true story from a wise lady I had lunch with a few days ago, a picture on a friend's Facebook page, well, I think you get the point.

Dumbo here (that's me) though isn't EXACTLY sure what the Lord is telling me, but somehow I have a sneaky suspicion that it will smack me in the face soon and all near me will hear, "Ohhhh, now I get it." 

I really am clueless even though the clues are surrounding me. Okay, so I should explain. The main idea or reoccurring theme all has to do with what I am holding onto and the true meaning of being a servant. Before I get to that...here are the messages blinking on the neon sign:

              

1. I see a picture of a man giving away his shoes to a very poor young man (I have never done that). 

2. I hear a story of a man with his two daughters (both under the age of 5) stopping by at the only sanctuary he knows, a church and asking for help. His oldest tells the church woman, "My mother tried to kill herself." This amazing church paid to get his car fixed and served him. All because this wise church lady who is my friend opened the church door!

3. I am currently reading 7 by Jen Hatmaker...a book about excess, wonderfully written and so convicting and the chapter/month about possessions has really touched a nerve. We can still park our cars in our garage, but I still own more shoes than the majority of the world. 

4. I read a blog about a husband and wife duo who bring food and bibles to the homeless and I am thinking of the few times I have given my lunch away, but never with a bible. 

5. I see a YouTube video that talks about serving...random, seriously!

6. I hear a sermon at church from the book of Ruth and how Naomi and her had a Kings-man Redeemer who served them, stood up for them and did not abandon them. Widows were cared for and I think about how I don't really know a widow to help, but somehow there is a message for me in there about how God is our Redeemer who stands up for us, has served us (think Jesus) and does not abandon us.

My children have at least four pairs of shoes and then I see this photo and my maternal instinct says, "Time to find a ministry where I can give away shoes!"

Really, serving and what I hold on to go hand and hand. If I hold on to security, pride, reputation, possessions, and my time than serving has no place. To truly serve, I have to be willing to love God and people more.  More than myself.

Serving isn't about looking good or getting rid of unnecessary clutter. That's easy. Serving should be difficult so that we can only do it with God. Serving is saying to God, "I will do this for you. I will obey you." To serve simply because God is worth it. We may not get a chance to see the outcome of our choice, but it doesn't matter since we know that God is whom we are yielding to.

So what does that look like in my life?

   I have some inkling, but all in all I have not arrived at full understanding. I know that God asked me to be the Coordinator for MOPS and as he is preparing me to see how serving is such a HUGE component of this role. An honor. I cannot (nor should I) do this without him. 

There is a large homeless population in my community. There is a large population of people here who live in poverty even if they are not homeless. There are plenty of needs that surround me, but where do I start? I have a total of 8 purses and I really could give away 6, but to whom? Goodwill isn't free for the poor and again too easy. I rely too much on my stuff, on thinking that fear is an excuse not to love on some people.

These are the thoughts that plague surround me. Really, as an American I am a bit ashamed to admit what I have, what I keep, and that even though hubby and I are considered poor on the tax forms we really are rich. Yes, we tithe and it is uncomfortable, but where else could I give and feel uncomfortable? 

I am seeking to serve the Lord in the way he really wants me to...I am willing, but I know there is more than just my willingness...and I can't wait to share this.

How has God asked you to serve? Are you giving/serving until it is a least bit uncomfortable?

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

She lied to me again. 

Whispered deceitfully in my ear, "You don't deserve to do anything great and you might as well quit now save embarrassment. Who do you think you are anyway?"

And for most of my life I have listened to HER: my own voice deny me this truth: You are deeply significant because God created you.

  Then God leads me to this book where the quote above came from: 

Designing a Woman's Life by Judith Couchman. And I know He is speaking to me in a way I understand. He knows I will read this and I will listen and it will dislodge another thorn from my lying flesh. He knows that Judith's purpose fulfilled in her will influence and inspire me to want to fulfill mine.

My curious-loves-to-learn-and-read self isn't going to ignore the summary on the back of the book. It draws me in and it is meant to...at least at this point in my life.

So I begin to learn again that I am worthy. It helps me to revisit my talents and my gifts. To remember how they were used and how aspects of dreams happened. I understand that God can provide many visions, but they all stem from my one purpose (who I am or perhaps why God made me). 

 Yet, I have allowed fear of success AND fear of failure rule.

 The flesh fights what it really wants: worth. 

I wince, no, nervously laugh at the contradiction.

On one hand, I fear failure with its' cliches of looking like a fool, breaking a promise, or multitudes of rejection proving me a loser.

Then, there's the fear of success and I almost can't write about this, but if I don't then I only exacerbate my affliction.

Fearing success? Yep. Seriously how can one be afraid of success? Who does this? Oh, me...right. Are we not supposed to be overjoyed when things go well? 

I actually believe that achieving a dream or getting something I desire is a truly bad thing. I don't deserve it. I worry that the success will go to my head. I know this isn't entirely correct. God will get the glory.  

And as I type this...He speaks this to my heart:

...To obey is better than sacrifice. 1 Samuel 15:22 NIV

Yes, to obey is to ignore my low self-esteem (a form of pride). To obey is to abandon my human misunderstandings and doubt.

Today I am choosing to believe. Believe Him when he says, I have plans for you...a future. Jeremiah 29:11NIV

I am going to find my purpose and I smile.  

What is worth the effort and what I wish was easier too.

He said, "Ya know it would be nice if some things in life just came more naturally. So many things take work."
It is true. I am not sure if there is really something that doesn't. Even if physical is not involved there's always mental or emotional to consider.
But what I want to tell him, I don't. It will only come across as a lecture.  

There are a few things really worth the effort!
 In no certain order 


1. Relationships
Yes, I wish sometimes they were not so complicated and that some of mine were less strained, but investing in others is a great gift. We learn to be less selfish. I am understood. Tremendous pain, anger, forgiveness and joy come from these connections. My head is filled with memories, laughter where your side hurts and your face aches. Where who I am is stretched. Challenged. Changed forever.
  Those I call family and friends are irreplaceable treasures. In my most difficult circumstances, a few of the above have provided great comfort and support...even cheering or encouragement. It is better to not be alone. We might be tempted to paint a volleyball and call it Wilson.

2. Fulfilling your purpose...or dream or passion...
   Not much of an explanation is needed here...no matter what you do if you love it than you feel fulfilled. A sense of significance. Where passion and desire meet. Maybe you have to trudge through impossible feats like numerous college degrees or grueling training or better yet the dreaded waiting, but in the end if you are doing something that fits you then it will be worth the sweat. I love this quote...it sums it up:

“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
― Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC

 

3. Getting to know God (and living out my faith)
My most important achievement. One that actually doesn't require pulling my hair out or a ton of exertion. I am free to be me with the Lord and there isn't a heavy burden of condition placed on me.  There's only grace, love, mercy, deep delight. I am unique and created to do something only I can do in God's name. Trusting Him with my life. With everything. Not knowing, often waiting, but still resting in hope and in the understanding that He will never abandon me.

So switching gears...here is what I wish was easier... 

1. Parenting
   I love my boys, but sometimes I just don't know how to stop a behavior they are doing that is so not okay. Sometimes hubby and I try strategies that fail and then we are at a lost. Often they drive us crazy with their choices. We try so hard to not be too permissive or military dictators, but we tend to do more barking of orders.  I just wish for one day that I would wake up and magically my children would be sane and under control at the store, pick up their toys when there done playing with them, sleep in late and I wouldn't have to say, "Please don't _______ your brother." 

2. Relationships 
  I know what I said earlier, but yeah to receive what I said above, it takes considerable patience, a daily choice to forgive, clarify and communicate. Exhausting. Sacrificial too. Sometimes you have to end a relationship and that is just plain uncomfortable or heartbreaking. Some prove dangerous and leave us scarred and hesitant towards future ones. A dream relationship would go like this...I am completely understood all the time, listened to, never betrayed, I feel secure in it and both parties needs are met.

3.  Hodge Podge  
The following are items that need no defining, but I wish they were easier and or perhaps more convenient?
   Exercise, math, looking younger, losing loved ones, juggling, not repeating bad habits, changing, cooking healthy, gourmet meals, memorizing scripture and toy packaging. Just to name a few.

So what about you? What do you think is worth the effort and what do you wish was easier?  

Challenge: If I could tell the whole world right now this one message:

Recently on a radio station, I overheard a discussion about some college students that were given an interesting assignment. They were asked to post one message for the whole world assuming the world was listening at that very moment. Just one.
Of course, as you can imagine, this assignment created quite a following and a greater response than expected.

You can check it out here. http://www.experienceproject.com/question-answer/What-Would-Be-Your-One-Message-If-The-Whole-World-Listen-To-You-Right-Now/86694

The responses were all VERY different of course. Some making no sense and some a bit harsh.

I know why this question is so popular. It's because we all have something to say, don't we? Most people want to be heard. Want to be understood. 

Isn't that why we utilize Twitter? Facebook? Isn't it why we blog or write anything? To feel that our thoughts, ourselves matter? I am not unique here. It is the human condition to seek significance.

This Thursday, May 24 will be my 38th birthday and I am feeling okay with my age, but I still struggle with full acceptance of myself. I don't mean accepting all flaws and never working to change self. I mean living out more often than not the belief that I am a work in progress. Loving all parts of me and not berating myself as much.

And well, do I have something that I would like to tell the whole world?

Sure.

A lot of things. But, if my message is too long, I am going to lose people's interest.

Would the world receive it well?

Unsure.

 I would like to tell the whole world this...

                    
In my short lifespan I've come to learn that what really matters is relationships. 

 Genuine, messy, terrible and beautiful all wrapped up. A connection that doesn't dry up when distance separates. One soul extending grace to another when the imperfect shines brightly. Where kinship meets acceptance at the door and feels free to walk through.

Where I give and you give, I mess up and you mess up, where I listen and you listen and somehow no matter what we both come out feeling visible, loved, and known.

And that is what really matters...

        

It is the very basis of my faith. So simple, yet so profound. All that I believe hangs on to the one truth: That I was created by such a loving maker that not only am I loved and significant, but my creator, God, actually wants a relationship with me!

No matter what you believe, don't we all just want to be liked, or loved, or cared about? 

Linking up with:

In the Eye of the Beholder

 

Today's word is Perspective....I am thinking I could definitely write a book on this word alone, but I am going to try and restrain myself to 5 minutes. 

I am lonely.

Two and four year old conversation from 7am to 4pm doesn't fulfill my need as an adult striving to connect to other adults. It's been a year and I still don't have a friend here...

Yet, 

my hubby is my a wonderful friend and distance hasn't kept three friends from listening to my ramblings on the phone or through a text. Viviane, whom I've known for 24 years, Heather and Andrea all find ways to connect, sometimes even  through visits.  They all pray for me. I feel loved by them all.

We aren't even middle class these days. We used to be. We have had a ton of help just to make it this past year.  We made a choice for me to be home with my sons and so less money is pouring in...

Nevertheless,

We are not hungry, we can pay our bills, God has blessed us with just enough. Really. I find myself needing and wanting less. The possessions I want to hold onto are breathing, real, and full of memories. My priorities are adjusting and moving to their rightful places. 

Staying home with my children is not only great for them, but it has changed my life. I feel so lucky to do this again this next fall. If I had worked I wouldn't have attended MOPS (Mothers Of Preschoolers) and made a connection that was the Lord's purpose for me ALL along.

My time is up and I am going over a minute now, but let me just say that if you see life through God's eyes, your perspective will change.

The Lord asked me to be the Coordinator for MOPS this coming fall...never saw that from my limited view, but I am honored to be a part of that great ministry AND...

Bet I will make a friend there!

As long as the pain is productive...

This Mother's Day,  I couldn't help but think about what it took to get my sons here. The true 10 months of anticipation and hope that I would get to meet them. Hold their sweet, tiny little selves in my arms.

 But it wasn't all easy or all so simple. There was plenty of heartburn, nausea,  and other people's insensitive comments to go around.

And then the labor.  After my oldest was five days past my estimated due date, well, I was done and the romance of it all had faded. I wanted to meet him. I wanted him out. 

He was sunny-side up and back labor was terrible.  I wanted the pain to end. With an unplanned Epidural, it did. The pain was gone, but it wasn't over. I still had to get the little guy out. What a gift to have him lay on my tummy. 

The pain was productive. There was a gift, a blessing for the hard work: A cute, baby boy.

And then this morning, I finished my latest Bible Study on patience. It is about waiting both eagerly and patiently. I will admit with the pregnancies that I was eager, but not as patient. 

What struck me the most was how I was able to endure all of the highs and lows of pregnancy because of the hope in meeting my child when it was all done.

But pain doesn't always feel productive. Hope is barely there sometimes. But without it, doesn't that cancel life? How can you push through anything without it? 

I have found myself stuck in believing that no good thing can come from the pain. That the Kidney stone I passed or the surgery to get it out in 2005 couldn't offer any good to me or anyone. Yet, I hoped for it to all be over. Knowing that it was temporary...helped.

I mean pain just because well, it just sucks. Pain with purpose is far more bearable.

***I find myself still concerned, still confused at how the death of my mother could bring about good.

Then, today it hit me. 

                 When my hope is placed in the only one who brings hope, then I can believe that all pain is productive.

I can believe that no trial, circumstance or hard time is forever. I can believe that God will use it to help someone, to serve someone, to offer hope to someone else. The pain will change me and I will know that He is working.

I want to remember that there is also the very essence of faith for all of those who follow Jesus, the greatest hope is in knowing that one day we will experience this:

We will be released, freed from sin and suffering.  

 Thank you Father God for the hope we have in your Son, Jesus. 

How have you seen God work through or in your pain?

 

Sacrifice isn't sacrifice if no thing is sacrificed...

In less than two weeks I understood something. Not really for the first time, but with deeper, stick to your ribs or head finally kind of knowledge. A tug on my heart and a wincing reaction I can't shake. This is not bad. No, this is stretching, challenging and what my heart desires. Don't get me wrong, it is uncomfortable. I feel guilt and conviction and I am torn. Let me explain...

It started with running into stories, seeing faces, seeing the reality of others. I compare their trials to mine and mine is pale in comparison. Yet, I can learn from their hurts, but I don't know if they could learn from mine. 

     The family whose 5 year old daughter is battling cancer. I hush about the stupid garbage disposal breaking. 

     The pastor in a country who has been imprisoned because of his faith. I rejoice that I can go to church. I fasted a meal for this man's freedom and ran an extra 10 minutes even though I wanted to stop. It was the LEAST I could do. Thank you River of Life Alliance Church for informing me of this man's plight.

    Then, the girl named Lauren, who had heart surgery and she isn't even 30 yet. I am silent about the less severe health problems and surgeries I have endured. She is brave, she struggles, she writes and I am inspired, grateful, and encouraged. I have to share her blog with you...http://aruffledheart.blogspot.com/  
    Then there is sweet Benjamin. Born too early. Whom has a 9/14 chromosomal trans-location. He is the first documented case. He is unique in a different way. He is over one and has just rolled over recently. He is amazing, a miracle and has impacted my life even though I have never met him. I only know his grandparents. Here is his blog: benwriteshisownstory.blogspot.com


Oh the sacrifices these families have endured. I understand that I have not persevered this way. I know there is always someone who will have a more horrific or harder story than me. But this is no excuse to not learn from them. No excuse to not share mine either!

So to me, the greatest way to stomp the selfishness in me is to sacrifice something with no reward, blessing, etc. for me in return. Where the sacrifice is purely for someone else to be blessed. Where my reaction turns to action toward a hurt not my own.


So for these four families I will sacrifice a meal, sacrifice my time by praying for a week straight, and I will praise the Lord with a grateful heart for the what I have, the health of my family, the freedom to believe without imprisonment.

Grateful for these healthy, precious gifts from God!

Somehow, through these situations the Lord placed in my lap, grew a greater understanding that sacrifice leads to freedom. To let go of what my heart and hands want to covet makes room for God's treasures. That you are really blessed when you give than when you receive.

Tomorrow, will mark the 5th month of 6th of my sugar challenge. It started out with a dangling carrot as the main keeper of my will (money), but now...now, I am glad to mostly give up the sweet nectar...it has shown me that I CAN do without and still be content. I can rest in God's provision and strength.


Please share your story with me...I want to know it.

The Canyon that I am...

 Heading back to Grand Junction after a short overnight trip to Denver, I see it. Perhaps for the first time? I have driven or been on this blacktop many, many times. It isn't new, really. Yet, in this moment it is more captivating than my iced coffee. My eyes can't escape the view. It is Glenwood Canyon. It is gorgeous. Dabbles of sunlight touch the textured layers of rock meshed and rearranged by the Colorado River. I am in awe. Again.

       I swear there's at least 4 different shades of green. Tall, chubby pines tease me as they balance precariously on the canyon's edges.  There's life. A small hawk peering down into the smooth as glass river. It isn't running rough here. Yet, there is evidence of destruction, danger and death. Erosion has afflicted the canyon. Stripping the past and revealing a brick like structure. No control. No, this canyon couldn't prevent it. I'm not even sure it wanted to.

    Parts are uneven, untamed, and the winding around is dizzying, but it's grandeur presence is speaking to me. 

I didn't take this great picture, but it does capture the river, the trees and the textured layers of rock really well.

    

There's the canyon that I am...The deep spots in the river that are uncomfortable more so for others when they dip a foot into it.  But, I won't hide it. I won't lie. With some discretion, I refuse to only expose the clean, safe parts so I don't offend. All layers are me. If you drive within the paths that lead to my head and heart you will find comfort, understanding, belonging, familiarity. At some point, you won't be alone. Our humaness shines through and then we take our battered selves to Him.

There's the canyon that I am...Proof of who I was and now layers of life to be told. This canyon didn't endure weathering for nothing. Life only happens when I allow the wearing down of self, allow the outer dead surface to be removed. The beauty of this process is meant to be shared among others to encourage, relate, understand, and teach. 

There's the canyon that I am...The MOST important part. The ever widening, growing piece that can't be contained: A vibrant, flourishing, existing relationship between God and I.  
 A loving bond where with faith and trust, I lay down each slab of me without so much hesitation.

Let the river widen the canyon...there's freedom in the abrasion.

What's so good about Friday?

How do you tell the world that today really is a "Good" Friday? 

  

How a man, beaten and bruised...treated in the cruelest of ways is good? That a man with thorns in His head was given one main purpose in life: to take everyone's imperfectness from them and die on a cross.

How can that be good? Today I celebrate that event that happened 2,000 years ago. Celebrate it? Yes!

The greatest Light of the world...brighter than our sun...did something good: With great anguish, He obeyed and sacrificed His life to show us that the Lord Almighty wants to be with us forever.

WE are the MOST beloved creatures!


His death gave us this (and so much more): we are forgiven of all that we do wrong, freedom from condemnation, life "forever" with a wonderful God and mercy coupled with undeserved grace.

Lord Jesus, Master...thank you for your sacrifice.


Today...we write for five minutes...I happen to take a bit longer...but I am with a community that understands.