Thoughts on F Words

I warn you that if you do not know me, I use humor to often tackle difficult subjects like this post...

The background 
This coming January, a few women and I have been asked to give a testimony on forgiveness at one of the MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) groups where I live. Of course, I've been praying and pondering on how to approach such a sensitive topic.
 Well, my thinking led to how strong emotions erupt when speaking about forgiving and my mind wondered to other "f" words who conjure similar reactions...

The point hopefully
See if this list of F-words make you wince or evoke a bad memory (If you feel nothing, you might be a psychopath. Just saying).

Flab
Fear
Feminine (ugh, right)
Flaw
Frumpy
Failure
Fat
Forgive
Fashion (I grew up wearing 80's clothes)
Fungus
Family
Father
Filthy
Fatigue
Fever
Fumble (including the football term)
Fight
Feeble
Foreign or Foreigner

So how did you do? 

Oh, there's more annoying or negative "f" words. Perhaps you even thought of one I missed, but you get my point. Some of those words are just downright painful for me. See the words in bold.

So this got me wondering if these words alone bother me, does it mean I need work on forgiveness?

No, actually that is a terrible myth. Forgiveness rarely leads to instant restoration of a relationship. Sometimes a relationship has to be severed for safety, but sometimes it is only temporarily. Forgiveness never means that the emotions disappear or even the memories. 

I am no expert so how can I write this to you as truth? I grew up in a hard family with a lot of different kinds of abuse, and that is only the beginning of my journey of extending mercy, forgiveness and grace. I could write a year of blog posts on who or what I have forgiven, but that isn't what I need to share today.

God wants me to share this...forgiveness never ends. It runs deep and overflows daily. It is a choice. And without meaning to sound cliche...it truly frees us of hurt. Frees us from bitterness and resentment. It liberates us to focus on healing, on moving onto what God wants to do in and for us. Yes, sometimes forgiving is super easy, other times near impossible, but only happens when we surrender the hurt, the unfairness, the person or circumstance to God, our Father...the ONLY one who truly understands and experienced the greatest act of pardoning. 

He knows what happened, he has seen what was done, he knows if we were at fault (which leads to natural consequences) and he allowed it to happen whether we were a victim or a perpetrator. 

Yet, the Lord promises deliverance and restoring if we trust him. 

It is worth it, I promise!

Happily linking up today with wonderful sisters in Christ here:

When your the key that doesn't fit

(Story by Dionne Adkison)

  The story and art idea owned by me. Please don't copy, share or distribute without permission.

    Shaking hands with the locks they were created for, all of the keys matched their counterpart except for one. A slender, silver key-without fancy and void of its pair. There it lay, all alone and without purpose.

What could one do with a key that didn't have a lock to open? Toss it, I suppose. Well, now that would be unkind wouldn't it?  After all, whoever heard of making a key just to make one?

Yet, why keep something so out of place and useless?

The caring owner of all the keys, out of compassion I guess, kept the silver key. Inside an abandon drawer, it sat. And sat. And SAT. Unused, ignored, and forgotten. 

Alas, a young woman found her grandfather's junk drawer. She discovered the antique key and gently moved it back and forth in her dainty hands. With no lock to open, the key became a piece in the art work the young woman created. She smiled that her art was complete.

In a tiny, modern gallery, people pointed and pondered the silver key among the golden-laced earring, a red high heel, a black and white die, half a heart, and a salt shaker. Until a hunched over older woman purchased the work and put it in her tea room. Each day she smiled at the unpaired pieces that the artist so perfectly matched.

 ******************************************************

Often, I struggle to NOT feel like this key...out of place and abandoned. The reality is, I was abandoned often in my childhood. As an adult, on many occasions, I feel awkward among my peers.
Sure, it is easier to blame myself. To speak lies into my head, "I am the weird one. I need to be different." At times, I have made it the other person or group's fault. They are insecure. They have issues. Only God really knows the truth of the matter. I just wish he would let me in on it.

Perhaps, that's the point-I am not supposed to be in on it. Seems cruel. At least to me. Yet, I know my being in the dark is a way God keeps me dependent on him. I need to be dependent on him in this life. After all, he is my defender, my healer, and the one who saves me from my own false perceptions. Thank goodness!

If I have learned anything in my 20 year relationship with the Lord...

Sometimes the very purpose 

of our hurt or alienated feelings are simply to bless others.

This is what I need to remember: it isn't all about me!

Linking up today with Jen at SOli Deo Gloria. Join us here

Wild Horses-keep dragging me away AND setting me free

The family and I recently hiked a special land set aside for the few remaining herds of wild horses. And on our way back, after silent and spoken prayers to the Lord, we got to see two of these unbridled equine species. One coal colored and the other a coppery brown. We could see their long, uncared for manes and tails. They peacefully foraged the cliffs for grass since they somehow know winter is coming soon. And we were in awe at the view from our binoculars.

Here is a picture of the brown horse.

 And my sensitive, albeit quirky self (awareness) kicked in and I heard the Lord speak to my heart once again from his creation. It seems to be a thing with God and I. Maybe it is one of the easier ways God can get my attention.

Moving on...while admiring the horses' freedom and wildness it came to me:

We are all wild and free at the same time.

Okay, some of us have crazier manes or need a brushing more often (wink) yet, don't we all struggle with control? In some way? I desire to live free, but often my own unruliness places a saddle on me. One that God didn't create.

 And then, well this is hard to admit, but just as I am sure those wild horses would have bucked and kicked if we had attempted to ride them I know that I throw fits and kick when I feel controlled. 

Sometimes I like to rebel (against norms and people, not purposely against God). 

Yet, there's a certain freedom in the untamed life and I am not talking about disobedience, but living 

free, unhindered in Christ.  Where we relinquish ourselves from rules, and have-to's and pretenses...where realness & honesty are unhidden and it is safe to boldly go to God with every part of ourselves.

What if we did that?

Not just believing, but living truly free?    

Today. 

Where freedom is trusting God that we can dwell tangled and unkempt with him

and still be considered righteous.

We can forage peacefully, rest in His shelter (the cliff).

He wants us to.

 

The Tiny Guard (365 Word: Weak)

As I sat outside on a cool summer morn, I was reminded that little doesn't mean weak and wimpy.
 I know because I was entertained for 20 minutes as I gazed at a fierce, miniature watchmen.

Scarcely a true guard I know...three inches but courageous and tenacious. He is a David among giants; standing up to creatures even 10 times as large as him. I don't even know if this Rufous Hummingbird realizes his potential, or if he has faith or even needs to, but he fights for a  nourishment he deems precious.

Then, he returns over and over to a skinny limb after chasing his adversaries. 

The pint-sized soldier I am talking about.

 And I giggle, not out of disrespect, but out of admiration and with affection...and the fact that I actually doubted (with pride, yuck) that this copper-colored, burnt-orange hummer could teach me anything. I listened with my heart though as God used this little bird to pop my bubble:

1. Before a battle, and in order to endure the battle, one must refresh and fill up on nectar (God's word).

2. During and after a battle, I need to rest in a consistently safe place (In the arms of my Lord, Jesus). Even when I am weak...

3. No matter what God asks me to do, size or talent or strength or weakness won't matter...what matters is fulfilling the purpose God has created me for. God can do what he says he can do. His plans will succeed and I will find satisfaction doing his will.

4.That standing up for what I know to be true and valuable is worth any discomfort or waiting I am experiencing because I know that it won't last forever. I know what awaits me in forever.

Can you relate to any of the above? Do you ever feel too weak, or little or ill-equipped?

      

  Linking up here. Join the storytelling!

Always room for one more...

Want to do something different on your blog? Try the exercise below and go here to learn more and join Lisa-Jo's fun community!

Writing five minutes on the word: Friend

There's always room for one more friend...at least in my heart. I don't believe one more is just too much. I just know this me needs a variety of personalities to stretch me, love me, "get me", encourage me and be okay with this definition of me. 

I met and made a friend, finally after being in this Colorado city for two years and now God is moving her family 4 hours away to Denver. Her name is Morgan. She so gets me.

I want to throw...okay I have thrown a bit of a fit because I am going to miss my new friend. But, instead of writing to pout, I am going to tell you why I will miss having her here in my life daily.

Morgan writes a blog (go here http://snapshots-morgan.blogspot.com/) and she writes pre-teen stories and well, she just writes well. She understands why I write. She kept me accountable when I didn't want to send my children's stories that I wrote in...

           Morgan knows how to encourage and you feel that she cares about you.

You feel that momma love that she so readily displays to her four beautiful children.

She inspires me to be that kind of momma.

Morgan GETS my humor...no, really, I-don't-have-to-explain my self and she doesn't shift uncomfortably at my odd way of seeing things because she sees them and she plays right along. Sometimes she is the one cracking me up.

Morgan knows God and her family, her husband do too. And they are moving because God wants them too and he is providing a career shift for hubby...and they trust God, they pray to him, and they know him. And I get that because that is why we are here on the west side of Colorado instead of on the east...

I trust God for my friend, but I am going to miss her!

I hope God brings me another friend like Morgan soon...there's always room for one more.