She used to hide in the closet and wait for moments to scare me. It worked every time. My heart would palpate differently and for a minute the flight response was activated. I loathed these humorous moments for her as much as haunted houses. I didn't want to be afraid of either one, but how could I not? Someone or some thing lurking in shadows to entertain self or supposedly me.
She taught me to be afraid. Sometimes that saved my life, but I am not grateful. That fear tied to my worth and keeping my low self-esteem company. Manifesting into a me that didn't take risks or believe that I could do it. All lies. A generation passed on a lie in my heart.
Now, the self-confidence is stronger and my risks are ever widening, but I face a new kind of fear. Fear of success. What if all my risk-taking and striving actually works?
They still won't celebrate me. They are toxic and I am afraid to truly let them go. But I am wondering why I hang on.
And the devious side (although I am still afraid) wants to tell them what I really think...to say, "It's not me, it's you...
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