Friday, February 1, 2013

She taught me fear (FMF: Afraid)

She used to hide in the closet and wait for moments to scare me. It worked every time. My heart would palpate differently and for a minute the flight response was activated. I loathed these humorous moments for her as much as haunted houses. I didn't want to be afraid of either one, but how could I not? Someone or some thing lurking in shadows to entertain self or supposedly me.

She taught me to be afraid. Sometimes that saved my life, but I am not grateful. That fear tied to my worth and keeping my low self-esteem company. Manifesting into a me that didn't take risks or believe that I could do it. All lies. A generation passed on a lie in my heart.

Now, the self-confidence is stronger and my risks are ever widening, but I face a new kind of fear. Fear of success. What if all my risk-taking and striving actually works?

They still won't celebrate me. They are toxic and I am afraid to truly let them go. But I am wondering why I hang on.

And the devious side (although I am still afraid) wants to tell them what I really think...to say, "It's not me, it's you...

Linking up for 5 minutes of real, not perfect writing at Tales from a Gypsy Mama


8 comments:

  1. Stopped in from 5 Minute Friday from thejourneyofone.com Remember that God goes before you and defends you. Take a leap of faith, even in the fear, and God will meet you there. You and God can do it!

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    1. Oh, your words about our awesome Father is like a refreshing spring...Thank you!

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  2. I love the insight and realness! Thanks for sharing your story!

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  3. What a horrible "lesson"! Some fear is healthy, and that was your normal response. Who's not going to have the fright reaction when someone jumps unexpectedly out of a closet! Yes, it's them. Telling them so might not work well, but knowing it yourself can be a great help. God's best kinds of success to you!

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    1. Thank you for your support and understanding a horrible lesson. Thank you for your kind words here.

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  4. Very artistic Dionne. I think you should actually take those risks (if that was actually you), especially with writing.
    Have a super blessed day!
    Love

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  5. Dionne, my sweet friend, I struggle with this same fear! I will encourage you as we face it together. You are an amazing woman!

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    1. My sweet friend, I didn't realize! Yes, let's face this fear and kick it in the booty!! Love and miss you!

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