Monday, April 8, 2013

Tripping Women (3 ways we do and how to stop)

I don't intentionally stick my foot out to trip other women, but it happens. Not on purpose.  Sometimes I am just being me and sometimes it is literally who I am physically that causes another woman to stumble. Or when they brag or I brag or when they share or I share-just a tiny too much...our insecurities and emotions collide until what's leftover is one colossal mess.  Where's the love, huh?
AND we say men are competitive? Um, well, this is hard to admit, but us ladies like to strut
our peacock feathers too (yes, I went there)!

So I write this message today because the more I open myself up to other women, the more I find bruised hearts and elbows needing bandaging. I am discovering how painful it is sometimes to be friends with women and that if we choose, one by one, we can stop tripping each other. We always have a choice.

So here are three ways I think we trip others and what to do instead:

1. Our voice. Ugh, our comments leave much to be desired don't they? Our statements can make another woman feel compelled to duck and cover to survive the verbal vomiting.  Okay, I have been known to let the motor mouth run way, way too much. We need "think before you speak tape" that magically appears when we need to keep our statements to ourselves. It is absolutely okay to not express our opinion and to not tell someone something you shouldn't. Gossip is a killer tripper.

2. Our false and negative assumptions- ANY time we believe something about someone without proof, or getting to know them...well, we've made something true that probably isn't. When we peg people as this way or that, we take away their freedom and ours to be ourselves. For example, we assume a mom is a terrible parent because her child is choosing to have a melt down in the middle of the store. When we assume, we judge and we destroy the essence of relationship. I find that almost 99.9 percent of the time, my beliefs about another person's intentions, what they do or don't eat, lifestyle, parenting, etc. is dead wrong!

3. Comparing- You know the stare down she gives you. You know the "this is how I do it" tone. You know the comments on how little or how much food is on your plate or the "you must exercise everyday" statements. Us women (including me, gulp) are horrible at feeling insecure when a thinner, tighter bummed, perfectly flowing hair woman crosses our path...we can either not let it bother us, or we feel bad about ourselves. We know our man noticed because if he didn't than he must have had something in his eye! This is just a problem ladies. And pretty, thin women are not to blame. Okay, now if you are fortunate to be a "looker" I would kindly appreciate it if you wouldn't display so boldly your uh-hums so that my hubby would trip on them too. Modesty doesn't have to mean old-fashioned moth-ball living.

-Where's the grace and love that this insecure, broken and imperfect world needs? That is the solution to this tripping we all keep doing to one another. My closest friends are my closest friends because they give me SO much grace and love. They let me be me and I let them be them.
   We don't let any green-eyed monsters stand in the way of honest to awesome friendship. Let's face it, us women NEED each other. God created us to love and if we aren't careful about tucking our feet in more often, then we are just hurting others daily-on purpose or not.
     So practicing the art of loving others to me is the best cure for the stumbling we create with each other.

Your thoughts?
What has someone done to cause you to trip? How can you show love today, right now?

Linking up today with Jen and other SDG awesome women at SDG


  1. Yes, us girl' I tell my kids don't ever try building yourself up just to tear someone else down. Us girl, do this...we need to support and love one another. Great post!

  2. Dionne, this made me sit up and take a quick personal inventory. I used to trip other women up often, but hardly ever do it now... sometimes this "age" thing has its benefits!
    I really think "Comparisons" may be the kingpin of the whole operation. It's natural (and UNhelpful) to compare our looks, parenting, whatever, to other women's. Sometimes we do it to make ourselves feel superior, other times we only give ourselves unnecessary shame.
    I'm glad you posted this!

  3. Dear Dionne
    I think we should appreciate a beautiful lady when we see one just as much as a good looking guy! After all, they didn't make themselves and are often the victims of terrible jealousy. I know our Pappa God sees our hearts and that to Him is so precious. Let us pray and ask Him to see others through His eyes. Thank you for a timely post. Visiting via Jenn's.
    Much love

  4. Ooh, this is something we all need to read. Thanks for your honesty, Dionne. Instead of linking arms and holding each other up, we do too often trip each other, out of our own insecurities and fears. Enough already. I agree that we do all need each other and need to practice more love!

  5. Dionne, there is much truth in this, and it made me giggle a bit--probably because I know the scenarios so well. I hope and pray we could all be grace to one another more. Amen. Came by from SDG.

    I'd like to invite you to a link-up I'm hosting, #concretewords. The prompt this week is the Moon, and you can link up until Sunday! All the info for the link-up is on the site.

  6. Oh, girl. Man, I feel like God has made me super sensitive about being diligent with my words and my tone. I think, also, for a long time, I felt like I had to have the perfect comment or perfect question. But often times, we just need to have perfect ears to hear what God is saying to us while the other person is talking.

    Love your heart for sisterhood.

  7. Dione, this is a good word. Thank you for sharing. Praying for God to help me see others with His eyes of compassion.

  8. Dionne, wow--the virtual 'sticking out our foot' so others will fall. This was a little too close to home. I totally judge people by their outward appearance--rough around the edges and what not. Father, forgive me. This was a good reminder, friend. Thank you.

  9. As noted in one of the emails we shared as soli Deo gloria sisters, comments make me soooo nervous...!

    I will not even go back after I put one in to see what the blogger says in response!

    And a goodly portion of my nervousness comes from scars I still have from being bullied as a young girl.

    If only it were possible to reach out to those young teens who are committing suicide now because of bullies...

    Yours is a lovely post about a very important subject...and well said.

    The good news, to be sure, is what God has given in that 'grace and love' you note in your post. I suspect you have more of that in you than you see.

    And a goodly dollop of 'practicing love' to go with it...

  10. There is certainly a lot to find out about this issue.
    I like all the points you've made.

    My website fake ray bans

  11. Oh, I love ALL of your responses!!! What a wonderful conversation we have had here and thank you everyone for being brave to share your thoughts!


Share your thoughts with me. I would love to hear from you.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...