Happy New Year! and what I learned/will miss from 2012

It is a new year, 2013 and already I want to climb back into 2012. To hang onto my children. Let me just say that I miss them. I mean the 2 and 4 year old. They will both be 5 and 3 in 14/20 days...my sweet January babies. No matter how much you purposely soak them into every part of your head and heart, you just can't halt the shedding of innocence, teeth, small shoes, and dependence.

I just want to cover my eyes so I don't have to watch. Don't have to watch them stop racing around my house in their super hero capes yelling, "Dah, dum, DUM!"

He lost his first tooth the day before Christmas and then the second one on New Year's Eve. The holes. Two deep holes have pierced my heart and made his laugh. "It feels funny." Yes, yes it does. But not the kind of ha, ha funny to me. The type that makes you nauseous...makes you want to run from reality. I feel it as I write this and tears want to come. On one hand, I am proud for him. He likes getting the money under his pillow just for losing teeth. Yet, letting go...I don't think I can do it.

How do parents do it? Or do they, really? I would like to skip this chapter, thank you.  Wait, I have to do it twice? And I seriously am about to admit to you that I want to add another sweet babe. Only the roadblock is massive. I don't even know if it is God's plan or just my desire.

Okay, I need to move on. In 2012, I learned how deeply I love my children. How grateful I am to be home with them. How this time last year I was still a little unsure if I was truly accepting of the stay-at-home-mom title (I've worked since I was 16). How nothing on paper adds up in God's workings, but my heart obeys and trusts in the impossible and the results have been incredible. The growth hard to explain even now.

Money and possessions don't hold the same place in me anymore and have been replaced with better: more of God and more of others. How I realize to never say never because God likes to prove us wrong. Honestly, I don't mind in this case. 

That serving is one of the best cures to restlessness, boredom or the blues. 

That if I say yes, take a step into that raging river, He will stop its raging. He will be faithful to what he calls me to. I am and have been amazed at what I thought I could not do or accomplish. I did. It was okay to be confident yet, when I am/was lacking He used others to pick up the slack.

I saw God so much. In the one night a week, temporary job teaching sweet kids sculpture. How we didn't gain debt because he provided. Then there is His grace. I wrote about it for 31 days and my heart understands and accepts it differently than before. Grace in my complete imperfection.

      How sometimes the best answer is to go for it and then God will gently whisper no or not yet. And if I am still stubborn, I can reach out my hand and say, "God, save me." and there's His grace again. 

Lastly, how sometimes looking forward to something takes away from the present. We didn't have an ideal Christmas (we are all still sick, had to end a visit with extended family short and well REST)... no, not that word! Who wants to do that kind of resting when there is snow to play in and new presents to enjoy? Yet, although we are all sick and have been forced to rest, we've spent more time together than planned and created some sweet memories.  And most importantly...

We didn't miss each other.

Okay, I will admit that I am ready to be well and not sick in 2013. Linking up with a beautiful group of women at Soli Deo Gloria: Jen's sight

Floss expires, hope doesn't, and Christmas

Standing above my bathroom sink, I attempt ridding my face of the last bit of make-up. Ya know, the mascara that isn't waterproof, but still taunts you with its never-ending streaks of black? I'm not exaggerating, really.
     I begin my not so routine of brushing the yucky of today off my teeth. In the middle of brushing, I just happen to glance over at the floss and read, expires (see below). Wait a minute. Seriously?

I get how milk, meat, veggies, even medicine loses its effectiveness after awhile, but floss?
Someone please explain how floss expires? It's just flat rope that dislodges food and plaque.
What could go bad? Okay, some floss are mint or cinnamon flavored? Do those spices spoil therefore creating an oxymoron here?
   
I think of Wile Coyote and the Road Runner and a frayed rope, unraveling to one tiny string. I laugh as I picture Wile Coyote using it to get to his desired prey when the Road Runner happens to have a pair of scissors and cuts the rope sending the Coyote to his "cartoon" demise.

And I think of the unraveling of the world due to sin and how Satan pulls out his handy scissors to snip hope from others. How different Christmas will be for the families facing such grief in Connecticut. I recoil when I think of sending my child to public school and online schooling is suddenly more attractive.

How the belief meter dwindled quickly for some when they asked,"How can you believe in a God that allowed those innocent children to die? Such a senseless act."  I understand their question, but it hurts to not have an answer. I feel a coldness and it isn't the winter air and my heart aches with compassion. And my prayers sometimes seem feeble, but I still pray because...

Floss may expire, but hope doesn't. God doesn't even if we don't understand what he allows. He gave us all a freedom to choose and we mock that freedom when it causes us pain.
Please don't unfriend (or hate) me for saying that...I've been there. I've mocked it too.

And this is where I will leave this heavy topic alone now.

#

One tradition we have created since our sons were born almost 5 years ago, is to get a new ornament for them, or make one. I usually buy a very inexpensive one for hubby and I, but I just love the idea of having ornaments for my sons and giving it to them on their wedding day. Here are some pictures:

White Glue snowman. Easy and fun.

Your turn.Share a your Christmas traditions with me.

Sharing my heart today with the Soli sisterhood @http://findingheaventoday.blogspot.com/

31 Days to Grace (Day 20): In Opportunities

On Friday, I received a hug from a student whom came to my art enrichment class three times. I don't know why she hugged me. Maybe it was because I smiled and treated her with respect? I don't know, but this temporary job is an opportunity to do more than teach children for 6 weeks. More than just encouraging creativity. Perhaps it is to shine hope or light where there isn't; I know for sure that it has been a chance to love and serve a child I may never see again for the sake of the cross.

From my students, I heard hurt. I saw it too. I felt their frustration and need for approval. And in my own human way, with the talents, skills and heart God gave me, I tried to help them. I am not sure if I have, but that won't stop me from being me with those kids. I want nothing to hinder me from obeying God and I don't want to miss his plans for my life.

When I choose to disobey, I pass up possibilities. I forego more of God's grace. You see, He give us all grace through meaningful assignments. For it is in the listening where we hear God share with us his loving purposes. Grace in serving that matters.  

Where the privilege of doing something in his name unfolds neatly in our hands and heart.

Oh, what a gift this is...I see it in being a MOPS Coordinator; I try to create a loving and accepting atmosphere each meeting. I desire for all moms to feel comfortable and welcome. I see God working...probably in me the most.

I see it in being a mom and wife. I am trying to model how to support one another and what it looks like to faithfully follow the Lord. Creating a home with abundant and limitless hugs, kisses, understanding and forgiveness. Hoping that my support and love towards my spouse shows my boys that they deserve to be treated with respect by whom they marry.  Again, God working, in my home to impact my family because I am obeying.

Friendships, strangers, neighbors...He is offering and I take it...I want to keep taking it. To delight in the spiritual joy it provides.

I am utterly addicted to His grace in opportunities. 

What about you? What opportunities has God placed in your lap?

31 Days to Grace (Day 17): What Children Teach Us About Grace

I truly believe I didn't grasp how God really sees me until I had children. There is a unique understanding of grace that occurs when they come into your life. A miracle unfolds even the minute you are told you are pregnant. At least for me it did. I instantly bonded with my children in this capacity. I fell in love before they were even here. Every little movement inside my belly was a reminder of the life that was to come...of a grace I didn't understand, yet.

It is hard to explain the love you have for your children to anyone because you can't really capture it in words. You just know that these little humans stole your heart and you don't want it back.  Yes, there have been times when my sons drive me crazy, when I have felt selfish and wanted a break from raising a toddler and preschooler, but I could never imagine my life without them. No matter what those boys do, it just doesn't change how I feel about them. Nothing can diminish my love for them because they don't have to earn my love. I would practically do anything to preserve our relationship.

Sound familiar? 

If you love and know God, if Jesus is your savior, then it should. My love for my sons and the desire for a relationship with them is the closest understanding I have to how God feels about me.  There is a distinct parallel between how I love and see my children with how the Lord loves and sees me. I don't have to earn his love. Nothing I have done today, did or will do can separate me from God. 

 These boys are teaching me an aspect of grace!

God sacrificed his child, Jesus to preserve a relationship with us.  

Now that is ultimate grace!

 What have your children taught you about grace?

Party For Two

Two years. Really?
I get the privilege of raising two sons. Trading dolls for trains. I don't know if words can truly describe Grant. My brown-eyed cutie with the best dimple in town! His sweet grins and infectious laughter fills my life, my rooms daily. You are tender and silly. You came into the world differently than your big brother, but at least you came into the world! You have a quiet strength. I love that about you. You are a great hugger!

A party for two.

We celebrated Grant's 2nd birthday today. We let Big Brother share the day since their birthdays are so close.

I borrowed inspiration and ideas from two different blogs I found to create a unique cupcake decoration using a Thomas the Train theme. Tinalamong.blogspot.com and ibakecupcakes-sarahlyn.blogspot.com. Thomas, Edward, Dennis and Mavis are hauling some important cargo. Animals, fish, and the number 2 for Grant!

See pictures below:

You grabbed a cookie before a cupcake and that just makes me smile. The party was a success.

Grant, I am so glad to have you in my life. Daddy and I love you so much.

Happy Birthday Grant!

I'm Awake Now!

AWAKE ...Five minutes to write about this...


It is 7 am. I am still dog tired. I don't want to get up. I am coming out of the sleepy dream state and into a new day. Ughhh!

Tap, tap, tap. "Huh?" "Hi Mom!" "Oh, Bean (nickname for 4 yr. old boy), you scare me when you do that!"

"I'm awake now. Can I come in your bed with you?" "I don't have poopy in my diaper." (we are still working on nighttime potty training)

So he crawls in and lays on my hubbies' pillow. He faces me and pretends to sleep. He twitches, and I can feel his little body's heat. I pretend to sleep, but I can't help but peek to see that sweet face. I can't believe how lucky I am to have this little, sweet person in my life.

He decides he is done pretending to sleep and asks,"Can you scratch my back?"
I do, and I smile. I have to hug him. I don't want this precious moment to end. Before I know it, he will not do this one day. It will be weird for all of us then.

I don't want to get out of bed. He wants to play. I really don't want to be awake, but I am glad I didn't miss this memory I will treasure, keep in my heart forever.

Better than any alarm ever!