Sometimes I know I am keeping me to myself...with each hurt or subtle jab, I flinch and withdraw. I can be good at withdrawing. I scare myself with how well I know I could let go of someone or
something.
This year, I reached a pivotal point in my relationship with God. A point where I looked back and saw how he stripped me. Not through death or others, but a different kind of loss. A loss of self. And I realize I like the ripping and removing and thirst for more. How I crave for His presence every second. How much more serving Him goes beyond the me that cries and pleads, "You are being persecuted. How can you stand it? What about how you feel?" And I tell me to shush it.
Now, I understand. My influence is only important if it influences for Him. And I want THAT to grow so wide that there's little room for me.
Linking up with Five-Minute Friday at Lisa-Jo's...http://lisajobaker.com
Well I know this stripping of self. It can feel like heart surgery, can't it? Thanks for sharing and thanks for journeying this road along with me. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in the stretching. Thanks for writing. I was so blessed to read.
ReplyDeleteI came over from Lisa-Jo's because of your title. There have been many days that I feel just like you express here - today, I am just asking that the cup pass. No more ripping. No more cutting away. Skip the character lesson. Give my dear friend mercy.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to be in this place, the Refiner's fire bit.
http://www.turquoisegates.com/2012/09/take-it-every-little-piece-of-my-heart.html
I understand the withdrawing. Lovely post Dionne.
ReplyDelete