Beyond the noise of this world my head still reminds me and my heart hurts. I am still grieving. I don't share it much because everyone else finds comfort that I don't cry or speak about it really, but it gnaws on me daily. I miss them. All of them. I miss that place I was planning to call home. I miss my mommy and wish sometimes I could just lay my head on her lap and cry.
Beyond the lies I tell myself or that are hurled at me...beyond the attacks I am entering a new purpose or season or some other overkill phrase to a purpose I absolutely cannot do without the Lord. I am excited and fearful. I know the bible verses. I know the Lord, but I can't shake the belief that I am never going to really reach my potential in Christ. (I know, a total lie, I know!)
I keep talking out into the air...while I walk the neighbors must think I am nuts. But I have to talk to Him and speak honestly and boldly...LOUDLY say,
"Lord, help me because this is more than beyond me."