After putting gas in my car and buying dry ice to keep the Blue Bell Ice Cream from melting, I started my journey back home from Ft. Collins. I needed a weekend to see my friends, to not be a mom for a few days. By the end of my trip, I was ready to get back and see my children and hubby. What I did not know was that a life lesson was waiting for me on my road trip.
Interstate 70 (heading West), yet again, was closed at Copper Mountain. A Haz Mat truck had an accident. In order to get home, I would have to take a pretty significant detour that would put me just outside of Vail, CO., but back on I-70 at least.
This lovely side way added an extra two hours to my normally 5 hour drive. Ugggh!
I decided to try to be positive and thought in my head that I would get to see the oh so tiny towns of Leadville and Minturn and more snow-capped mountains. The mountains were pretty.
The road was your typical two-lane and I got stuck behind slow trucks, Yay! As I was approaching Minturn all the traffic came to a nice halt. For an hour, in the dark, I barely moved and saw many people celebrating Halloween a day early. I admit I felt some impatience and frustration. Who wouldn't? I had a leg cramp and felt drowsy. Not good since I still had 2 more hours before I would be home! The town's little fiesta was costing me and of course I needed somebody or something to blame. In fairness, they actually were the cause to my delay.
I started to talk to the Lord. I asked Him if He could speed things up a bit. Thanked Him for my trip and the answered prayers of helping me see that He has me right where He wants me. That I could let Ft. Collins go now.
In the middle of my soft tears and thankfulness His still voice said, "True faith is in the unseen."
I couldn't see what the delay was in Minturn. I had NO IDEA what was causing the hold up. Why I needed to wait. All I knew was that I knew nothing. Controlled NOTHING! Sure I was irritated, I was human, but I still trusted God to get me thru it.
This is what faith in the unseen looks like. Blind faith. When we can't see what is ahead, we can't control it. When we are in the dark, we are forced to trust every curve, every detour that God is leading us to or from.
I do not know entirely where or even how the Lord is leading me, I don't know about my writing, or what staying home the rest of this year will look like, but what I DO know is that I am beginning to accept Grand Junction as my home and that God is to be trusted EVEN in the unseen.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
I don't want to be a shake.
I don't want to be a shake. I don't mind sipping a chocolate one but, it is milky, sticky, and fattening. Yet, it is good and sweet. Most people want a shake, right? I feel guilty usually when I have one, but as the sweet cream and chocolate delight hits my tongue I feel like a child all over again and smile.
A shake though eventually melts if you don't drink it all and then you are down to a soupy, nasty drink. Shakes have to be shaken, well blended to be a shake. They aren't reliable and I always want more.
I don't want to be shaken or blended. I want to be steadfast, secure, reliable and stable not easily shaken. Who wants to be a melted mess anyways?
I find that I am most shaken by my circumstances....okay or when I see a spider crawling on my blanket WHILE I am under it! EEEK! Really, I just rely to heavily on my circumstances (and chocolate) for happiness and hope. Not that I want to and not always, but it is just easy to do so.
Like presently, I think a lot of "If I or If only" statements. I am having one right now, "If I had a good friend here I wouldn't feel so lonely." This may be true, but at times I have been in a room full of friends and still felt deeply lonely.
Placing my hope in the circumstance just doesn't work. Even though I keep trying the same old remedy it just isn't the cure!
I need to put my hope in something that works though. Hope appears 126 times in the bible according to Strong's Exhaustive Concordance. I would say it is a word we should pay attention to and that it is important.
Jennifer Rothschild says in Me, Myself, & Lies, "We all need hope...Tell your soul to hope in God, in His love and in His Word." I choose to fight my fleshy side and put my hope in God alone. This is the only thing that I have seen actually work.
Hope helped my hurting heart trust God that my youngest son would come out of the hospital completely healed and recovered. Praise the Lord that he did. Hope gave me the strength to support my husband's career change. It helped me finished college. Hope has been helping me accept God's will right now and believe He really does have my best in mind.
So when I am feeling a bit blended, shaken not stirred, I gotta look at what I am putting my hope in at the moment. A milkshake (temporary happiness you better believe it)or God?
What about you? What do you put your hope in and is it a hopeless melty milkshake or a hopeful refuge of unfailing love (God)?
A shake though eventually melts if you don't drink it all and then you are down to a soupy, nasty drink. Shakes have to be shaken, well blended to be a shake. They aren't reliable and I always want more.
I don't want to be shaken or blended. I want to be steadfast, secure, reliable and stable not easily shaken. Who wants to be a melted mess anyways?
I find that I am most shaken by my circumstances....okay or when I see a spider crawling on my blanket WHILE I am under it! EEEK! Really, I just rely to heavily on my circumstances (and chocolate) for happiness and hope. Not that I want to and not always, but it is just easy to do so.
Like presently, I think a lot of "If I or If only" statements. I am having one right now, "If I had a good friend here I wouldn't feel so lonely." This may be true, but at times I have been in a room full of friends and still felt deeply lonely.
Placing my hope in the circumstance just doesn't work. Even though I keep trying the same old remedy it just isn't the cure!
I need to put my hope in something that works though. Hope appears 126 times in the bible according to Strong's Exhaustive Concordance. I would say it is a word we should pay attention to and that it is important.
Jennifer Rothschild says in Me, Myself, & Lies, "We all need hope...Tell your soul to hope in God, in His love and in His Word." I choose to fight my fleshy side and put my hope in God alone. This is the only thing that I have seen actually work.
Hope helped my hurting heart trust God that my youngest son would come out of the hospital completely healed and recovered. Praise the Lord that he did. Hope gave me the strength to support my husband's career change. It helped me finished college. Hope has been helping me accept God's will right now and believe He really does have my best in mind.
So when I am feeling a bit blended, shaken not stirred, I gotta look at what I am putting my hope in at the moment. A milkshake (temporary happiness you better believe it)or God?
What about you? What do you put your hope in and is it a hopeless melty milkshake or a hopeful refuge of unfailing love (God)?
Friday, October 21, 2011
I'm a Warm Autumn.
I just found out I am a Warm Autumn. A what? Well, it is based on my skin's undertones, hair and eye color. I look good in spicy, autumn colors, rich hues of gold, yellows, reds, browns and even forest green. It is supposedly the palette that I should choose when I am shopping for clothes, accessories and even make-up. This revelation has been so liberating. I could shout, "I get me finally!" Okay, maybe that is a bit farfetched, but really it explains why pastels look terrible on me as well as black and white together. I am a Warm Autumn and that just doesn't mesh well with those colors.
I guess a part of me has always known that earthy, fall tones and colors compliment me best, yet I am guilty of really trying to attempt all black or a pastel pink(yes, I was the little girl that thought she would be a ballerina). I ended up looking pasty, dull and somehow out of place.
Ever do that? Find yourself trying to be something you are not? Or, maybe it isn't that...maybe it is just that you are trying to hard to make a label go away?
I am not sure if I will ever accept every part of me-good and flawed or that I will ever stop manipulating things or twisting myself to fit a mold that I think is best. However, God sometimes wants us to step out of our own perspectives. Look beyond what seems impossible or just doesn't seem to fit us.
I am usually pretty good about embracing what I think works for me or is best for me, but when God asks me to do or be something that doesn't come naturally, I think He must be kidding.
The day I realized God was asking me to quit my job and stay at home, I thought He was crazy. I couldn't grasp being at home and being fulfilled by that career shift. I am just plain selfish here. I don't understand it now and I wrestle daily with the Lord about how I am the wrong gal for the job. (I have no patience for kneading dough or as in an earlier blog, cleaning up gross things). I sometimes feel like I'm living some other persons' dream, goal or journey.
God is calling me to do this because He doesn't want any other person for the task. He called Moses to help rescue the Israelites from Egypt, Jonah to speak to Nineveh about repenting, Mary to bear Jesus through a virgin birth. Moses (or Mosette would be my name) questioned his self-worth, capability and he was fearful. Jonah just ran. Mary, oh how I need to respond like her with complete faith and obedience...(sometimes I do).
I am scared of what God has called me to be recently and there are days I have to wonder what He is thinking, but I am gonna hold on...Hey, who knows I might knead bread with a smile. (Doubt it, but one can hope). ;)
I guess a part of me has always known that earthy, fall tones and colors compliment me best, yet I am guilty of really trying to attempt all black or a pastel pink(yes, I was the little girl that thought she would be a ballerina). I ended up looking pasty, dull and somehow out of place.
Ever do that? Find yourself trying to be something you are not? Or, maybe it isn't that...maybe it is just that you are trying to hard to make a label go away?
I am not sure if I will ever accept every part of me-good and flawed or that I will ever stop manipulating things or twisting myself to fit a mold that I think is best. However, God sometimes wants us to step out of our own perspectives. Look beyond what seems impossible or just doesn't seem to fit us.
I am usually pretty good about embracing what I think works for me or is best for me, but when God asks me to do or be something that doesn't come naturally, I think He must be kidding.
The day I realized God was asking me to quit my job and stay at home, I thought He was crazy. I couldn't grasp being at home and being fulfilled by that career shift. I am just plain selfish here. I don't understand it now and I wrestle daily with the Lord about how I am the wrong gal for the job. (I have no patience for kneading dough or as in an earlier blog, cleaning up gross things). I sometimes feel like I'm living some other persons' dream, goal or journey.
God is calling me to do this because He doesn't want any other person for the task. He called Moses to help rescue the Israelites from Egypt, Jonah to speak to Nineveh about repenting, Mary to bear Jesus through a virgin birth. Moses (or Mosette would be my name) questioned his self-worth, capability and he was fearful. Jonah just ran. Mary, oh how I need to respond like her with complete faith and obedience...(sometimes I do).
I am scared of what God has called me to be recently and there are days I have to wonder what He is thinking, but I am gonna hold on...Hey, who knows I might knead bread with a smile. (Doubt it, but one can hope). ;)
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
And then there was throw-up...or hope.
On Monday night, my poor three year old was bawling. Sweet hubby ran upstairs while I barely stirred. In my defense, I was exhausted and not feeling so great. As my husband opened the door, he found that Schafer had thrown-up all over the bed. After one more bout, he stopped for the night. I was so sad for him, but will selfishly admit that I was not looking forward to this clean-up, nursing job in the morning.
That morning, I came to his bedroom as he had er, um, let it out the other end all over the bed. I about gagged and I had to say, "Lord, I don't think I can do this." Immediately, I managed to handle it just fine. I was compassionate and made sure he knew that what happened is just a part of life. He never threw up or anything after that and enjoyed a day of pajamas and cartoon videos. LUCKY HIM!
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE SAID THAT? "Lord, I don't think I can do this."
Like when my Mother died, or during both of my labors, when Grant went into the hospital at three weeks old for a horrible case of RSV (nasty little virus) and he could barely breathe. I could barely breathe.
When I lost four people in one year , 2006 and when I realized I would be motherless while becoming a mother. "Lord, I don't think I can do this."
Moving to Grand Junction and the fact that God actually trusted ME to stay at home for this year and watch my two boys! "Lord, I don't think I can do this."
You know what? I CAN'T. That's right. I really cannot do all the hard tasks, trials, errands, and demands that life puts on me.
2 Corinthians 12 Speaks of Paul's thorn (there are many theories as to what this thorn represents)and how he asked the Lord to take it away. But verses 9-10 speak specifically about how the Lord did not take it away because His power is made perfect in weakness. Cleaning up gross things...well, I am weak. It also says, that Paul accepted the Lord's authority, and the hard things because Paul realized that when we are at our weakest we are stronger in God.
We don't have to be able to do it or be strong. We just have to trust Christ through it...that the strength, the ability, the needed change will be there from the Lord Jesus himself. In our weakness, we rely less on ourselves and more on His strength, help and hope.
Oh, and did I mention that my almost two year old played with his poop in the crib?
May the Lord's power be greater in our weaknesses.
That morning, I came to his bedroom as he had er, um, let it out the other end all over the bed. I about gagged and I had to say, "Lord, I don't think I can do this." Immediately, I managed to handle it just fine. I was compassionate and made sure he knew that what happened is just a part of life. He never threw up or anything after that and enjoyed a day of pajamas and cartoon videos. LUCKY HIM!
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE SAID THAT? "Lord, I don't think I can do this."
Like when my Mother died, or during both of my labors, when Grant went into the hospital at three weeks old for a horrible case of RSV (nasty little virus) and he could barely breathe. I could barely breathe.
When I lost four people in one year , 2006 and when I realized I would be motherless while becoming a mother. "Lord, I don't think I can do this."
Moving to Grand Junction and the fact that God actually trusted ME to stay at home for this year and watch my two boys! "Lord, I don't think I can do this."
You know what? I CAN'T. That's right. I really cannot do all the hard tasks, trials, errands, and demands that life puts on me.
2 Corinthians 12 Speaks of Paul's thorn (there are many theories as to what this thorn represents)and how he asked the Lord to take it away. But verses 9-10 speak specifically about how the Lord did not take it away because His power is made perfect in weakness. Cleaning up gross things...well, I am weak. It also says, that Paul accepted the Lord's authority, and the hard things because Paul realized that when we are at our weakest we are stronger in God.
We don't have to be able to do it or be strong. We just have to trust Christ through it...that the strength, the ability, the needed change will be there from the Lord Jesus himself. In our weakness, we rely less on ourselves and more on His strength, help and hope.
Oh, and did I mention that my almost two year old played with his poop in the crib?
May the Lord's power be greater in our weaknesses.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
What's Your Server's Name?
My husband and I went to eat at a local Mexican restaurant. We enjoyed our meal, but when we received our bill we both got tickled as we read that our server's name was Jesus. No, Really! Actually, his name is pronounced "Hey-soos". Now, we are not making fun of this man, his heritage or the Hispanic culture. But, this got me thinking (dangerous, I know).
What if Jesus (the Christ) had really served us that meal? Would we have let Him? I don't know how you feel, but I think I would be uncomfortable maybe even guilty or prideful. Like Peter in John 13:6-8 (When Jesus washed the disciples feet) I would have questioned Jesus' actions and said, "No, you shouldn't be doing that for me."
Jesus replied to Peter by saying, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand...Unless I wash you, you have no part with me." Overzealous, teacher pleasing, prideful Peter basically said, "Then wash all of me!" I can relate.
Jesus was the prime example of a servant! He came to the earth to serve us (save us) for our sake. Whoa! I need to digest that a moment.
God, all powerful, Holy, and all-knowing sent His son out of love to save our souls for eternity (talk about a sacrifice). What a servant!
So am I really serving if I don't sacrifice something? Like Time, energy, my own wants, well you get what I am saying. Most of the time, yes.
I once heard it said that in serving God and others it is not about being selfless, but about bringing less self to the serving. Exactly!
What if Jesus (the Christ) had really served us that meal? Would we have let Him? I don't know how you feel, but I think I would be uncomfortable maybe even guilty or prideful. Like Peter in John 13:6-8 (When Jesus washed the disciples feet) I would have questioned Jesus' actions and said, "No, you shouldn't be doing that for me."
Jesus replied to Peter by saying, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand...Unless I wash you, you have no part with me." Overzealous, teacher pleasing, prideful Peter basically said, "Then wash all of me!" I can relate.
Jesus was the prime example of a servant! He came to the earth to serve us (save us) for our sake. Whoa! I need to digest that a moment.
God, all powerful, Holy, and all-knowing sent His son out of love to save our souls for eternity (talk about a sacrifice). What a servant!
So am I really serving if I don't sacrifice something? Like Time, energy, my own wants, well you get what I am saying. Most of the time, yes.
I once heard it said that in serving God and others it is not about being selfless, but about bringing less self to the serving. Exactly!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Stains of Beauty
This morning I revealed stains. Stains of beauty. Ochre, cream, rust, russet, charcoal, wheat and earth. Okay, I know you might be thinking I have lost my mind if I find stains even remotely pleasing to the eye. Really, what is hidden beneath the Onyx is unique and stunning. Let me explain.
I soaked three gourds in bleach water. The process to clean a gourd is a bit toxic to your health if you are not careful not just because you are using bleach, but because you are clearing away mold. So you must wear a mask to cover your nose and mouth and glasses to shield your face. Not to mention that mold is disgusting, YUCK!
After a bit of soaking, a wire scrubber along with some elbow grease is needed to rid the gourd of the mold. If a gourd is to be used as a decoration, bird house, vase, bowl, or art, then at least for one's well-being it must be washed free from mold.
I like to think that this is what God is doing every time He chooses to not let me stay how I am, covered in mold: bad habits, unkindness, impatience, anger, selfishness, self-loathing, etc. You see, if He is going to use us for something, some specific purpose, then He needs to prepare us. The old self cannot remain. Or the mold like loads of laundry will pile up and crowd what is underneath.
He will purge it out of us so that the outside shines brightly. Much like removing dust from a light so it reveals more light.
Don't we want to reveal more light? How? By letting the Lord love us, change us into what comes out of the scrubbing. Which I don't particularly love because it hurts a bit.
What is even more amazing is that yes, some stains of where we came from and what we have gone through to get to this new form remain, but they are not moldy as before. God restores the elegance that already existed when we were created. What remains is the Lord's artwork.
I soaked three gourds in bleach water. The process to clean a gourd is a bit toxic to your health if you are not careful not just because you are using bleach, but because you are clearing away mold. So you must wear a mask to cover your nose and mouth and glasses to shield your face. Not to mention that mold is disgusting, YUCK!
After a bit of soaking, a wire scrubber along with some elbow grease is needed to rid the gourd of the mold. If a gourd is to be used as a decoration, bird house, vase, bowl, or art, then at least for one's well-being it must be washed free from mold.
I like to think that this is what God is doing every time He chooses to not let me stay how I am, covered in mold: bad habits, unkindness, impatience, anger, selfishness, self-loathing, etc. You see, if He is going to use us for something, some specific purpose, then He needs to prepare us. The old self cannot remain. Or the mold like loads of laundry will pile up and crowd what is underneath.
He will purge it out of us so that the outside shines brightly. Much like removing dust from a light so it reveals more light.
Don't we want to reveal more light? How? By letting the Lord love us, change us into what comes out of the scrubbing. Which I don't particularly love because it hurts a bit.
What is even more amazing is that yes, some stains of where we came from and what we have gone through to get to this new form remain, but they are not moldy as before. God restores the elegance that already existed when we were created. What remains is the Lord's artwork.
Snapshots: Mom In the Midst
Snapshots: Mom In the Midst: As moms, we often find ourselves up to our necks in busyness. We are surrounded by people who need us, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We f...
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