Monday, May 6, 2013

Gratefulness, sickness and Free Will isn't an obstacle...

I'm gonna praise God first and then below you will see my Hannah (Biblical Sarah's nemesis) sized temper tantrum after that...

-God healed my friend's Placenta Abruption, but baby will probably be born early because my dear friend is already 3 cm and 90% effaced. Yet, baby is already 4.4 lbs at 32 weeks and healthy thus far. Praise! The Lord is carrying my friend and his creation.

-The Lord helped me finish my MOPS year strong...he continues to deeply change my perspective and patience on how waiting is good, trust shouldn't be an option and that as God is faithful so my faith deeps. Can I get a Hallelujah, amen?

And of course, my veggies are growing, I have two sweet boys, a hubby who treats me well and loves me, a home, and all my true needs met...shouldn't my praise never cease?

So why do I complain below? I am human and I love and care deeply.

NOW for my brattiness ( I don't care if that isn't a word):
                  -Someone in my family has had trouble getting pregnant and no one understands and well, they've told us that they have seen why God has made them wait, but I admit that I understand their struggle and now none of us get why they are waiting (2 years) and possibly longer. I want to see  them blessed with a child and I find my self begging God and teary-eyed for them.

I AM SO OVER SICKNESS and health issues that as I type this I role my eyes and question if I am a sitting duck since hubby has had the flu (one not covered with the vaccine) since Wed. night and I will get to enjoy this misery in a few days? UGH!!! Hubby had a 24 day headache that he just fixed only to be plagued by the flu, but he is in his second year as a teacher (all teachers are nodding in understanding right now).
   Hubby has seriously been sick, some of which was food-induced headaches and nausea since October. Nope, not kidding. Of course, may I add that I got sick and so did my kids over Christmas and it lasted a month for all of us with two of us on antibiotics?

Then, I realize how powerful prayer life is just hard and why anyone wouldn't hand over at least some of life's hurdles to a loyal, loving God is beyond me. The fact that my friend and family member can still say (despite scary, hard stuff) God is good, still follow him and trust Him shows me that prayer and true faith is powerful. 
Then, I read about the Lord, and somehow, I come to this understanding that I have at times believed that prayer isn't as powerful as I think it is. What a lie! How can I believe that when I have seen 
it's power?
Oh, my heart and head are traders, thieves...

Then, God speaks to me and I admit that I know why I struggle and I feel his grace once again. My brother and dad...they haven't changed...actually my relationship with them and their choices have actually gotten worse, not better. That's it. I see impossible and I fly a kite called, doubt. 
Another whisper:
Free Will is not an obstacle for Me.
Somehow, I forget that although we always have a choice, that doesn't stop God from intervening or pursuing us. Think of Paul, God struck him with blindness (no choice there), but of course Paul had a choice to respond to God (free will). He could have ignored the flash of light on the road to  Damascus. Who says that God won't flash a light or "blind" my brother or father? Why do I limit God as if free will is some wall in God's way? Really, where do I get this false stuff ?

Mark 10:27 says, "With man this is impossible, but not with God, because nothing is impossible for God."
No. Thing. Is. Impossible. For.God!
I feel faith and hope increasing in my head and heart.


Linking up with Soli De Gloria. Go to 

and join the party.


  1. I read (and really needed), the nothing is impossible with God verse today, too.


  2. Dionne, this was a 'real and raw' revelation and I feel privileged to read it. I will be praying for healing for your husband, especially (from a fellow teacher, this is important) and for God to continue to grow the faith in you that he has started.
    When you see that kite of doubt flying high, remember it is carried on the wind of God's Holy Spirit in you.........

    1. Oh, Jody your words are always so encouraging! Thank you! You support me so much. I am one lucky gal!

  3. Nicole SherwoodMay 7, 2013 at 9:54 AM

    I can totally relate, Dionne:)

  4. Thank you for sharing your heart so honestly. Praying is so powerful and I'm grateful for how God has worked in my heart to come to him daily in prayer. I'm grateful for finding my way here again.

  5. OUCH! LOts of familiar back and forth in the mind and heart that I know far too well. Your honesty and the actual "raw" from the gut and heart stiff gives me food for pondering. Glad I came by. I am now linked up with your group in Soli Deo Gloria.
    Caring through Christ, ~ linda

  6. Hi, Dear Dionne. Prayer does avail, and God does pursue. Check out Isaiah 65:1.
    Love you!!

  7. I felt like I was listening to my own wrestling match here as I read your words. Praying we can BOTH cling to truth and BELIEVE that prayer can move mountains! Such a treat to visit you here again. I love your honesty. Your heart.

  8. Dionne,
    I like that you manage to keep it real without being whiny. Hey, love that picture too! It makes me miss the West.


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