I don't intentionally stick my foot out to trip other women, but it happens. Not on purpose. Sometimes I am just being me and sometimes it is literally who I am physically that causes another woman to stumble. Or when they brag or I brag or when they share or I share-just a tiny too much...our insecurities and emotions collide until what's leftover is one colossal mess. Where's the love, huh?
AND we say men are competitive? Um, well, this is hard to admit, but us ladies like to strut
our peacock feathers too (yes, I went there)!
So I write this message today because the more I open myself up to other women, the more I find bruised hearts and elbows needing bandaging. I am discovering how painful it is sometimes to be friends with women and that if we choose, one by one, we can stop tripping each other. We always have a choice.
So here are three ways I think we trip others and what to do instead:
1. Our voice. Ugh, our comments leave much to be desired don't they? Our statements can make another woman feel compelled to duck and cover to survive the verbal vomiting. Okay, I have been known to let the motor mouth run way, way too much. We need "think before you speak tape" that magically appears when we need to keep our statements to ourselves. It is absolutely okay to not express our opinion and to not tell someone something you shouldn't. Gossip is a killer tripper.
2. Our false and negative assumptions- ANY time we believe something about someone without proof, or getting to know them...well, we've made something true that probably isn't. When we peg people as this way or that, we take away their freedom and ours to be ourselves. For example, we assume a mom is a terrible parent because her child is choosing to have a melt down in the middle of the store. When we assume, we judge and we destroy the essence of relationship. I find that almost 99.9 percent of the time, my beliefs about another person's intentions, what they do or don't eat, lifestyle, parenting, etc. is dead wrong!
3. Comparing- You know the stare down she gives you. You know the "this is how I do it" tone. You know the comments on how little or how much food is on your plate or the "you must exercise everyday" statements. Us women (including me, gulp) are horrible at feeling insecure when a thinner, tighter bummed, perfectly flowing hair woman crosses our path...we can either not let it bother us, or we feel bad about ourselves. We know our man noticed because if he didn't than he must have had something in his eye! This is just a problem ladies. And pretty, thin women are not to blame. Okay, now if you are fortunate to be a "looker" I would kindly appreciate it if you wouldn't display so boldly your uh-hums so that my hubby would trip on them too. Modesty doesn't have to mean old-fashioned moth-ball living.
-Where's the grace and love that this insecure, broken and imperfect world needs? That is the solution to this tripping we all keep doing to one another. My closest friends are my closest friends because they give me SO much grace and love. They let me be me and I let them be them.
We don't let any green-eyed monsters stand in the way of honest to awesome friendship. Let's face it, us women NEED each other. God created us to love and if we aren't careful about tucking our feet in more often, then we are just hurting others daily-on purpose or not.
So practicing the art of loving others to me is the best cure for the stumbling we create with each other.
What has someone done to cause you to trip? How can you show love today, right now?
Linking up today with Jen and other SDG awesome women at SDG