El Roi (El-raw-EE)

When I first met my husband, I joked-no warned, "I have a curse you know. A black cloud that seems to follow me around." I don't think he took me seriously then because he still decided to marry me!

But, if you know me, it is true. If anything can go wrong and you are near me...it will. I am not kidding.

It is not that my life has no blessings or good things of it. There's just inevitably some disaster or rocks in the path circumstance waiting to reveal itself. Always!

Old picture, but good example of a rocky path.

I know two other Christians like me. It just seems like no matter how faithful we are we get shafted more than most.
I would like to think the three of us are special (yeah, right) and somehow we are tested more than others because we are so special. But...God doesn't play favorites. We could all sing loudly, "Give me a break! Give me break! Break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat Bar!"

I am tested constantly. The minute I breathe, it seems there is another test. Constant aching. One annoying problem after another. Like I've mentioned in some of my oldest posts, it is like a bird keeps pecking me...

Consistent discipline some would say. What do they know?  

Ever noticed it is easier to give advice and opinions when you are not the one going through the situation?

Am I so strong-willed (or undisciplined or a brat) that I need constant discipline? Maybe.

I really am NOT making this up. When I have one issue about resolved, out pops another one. Like imagine stepping in gum, then while scraping it off your shoe (and thanking the Lord that it is not dog doo-doo) you actually trip and well your hand lands in said dog poop! Not a true story, but that is kind of my life. It is hard to thank the Lord for the dog poo as well.

It is HARD. I am tired.

Is it wrong to cry out,

 "El Roi, see me!"

 (The God who sees me, SEE ME)? 

See me. 

I know He does. I have seen how some of my tragedies are inspiring others to remain faithful. To believe God even when nothing is going right or makes sense.

In some way, that makes it worth it. To be validated. To know that my pain or life hiccups are not some cosmic joke. 

I would like a month of no major struggles. A chance to live that life for just a short moment. 

To feel God's presence and follow Him faithfully just because. To have no issue that makes me run to Him.  

To love and follow, and long for Him in any circumstance!