Friday, February 3, 2012

Not Into Fake

5 Minutes to write about REAL.

When you don't pretend that didn't hurt. I confessed my true feelings. Not brutally honest, but no one has to second guess how I really feel about it.

I don't put band aids on your hurts. No pink thinking. No warm fuzzies. I say, "I don't know and and I don't know why?" I listen. I just be.

I cried and you let me. You said, "Dionne, I don't know what to say." That is EXACTLY what you say. There are no words for this really.

I don't want to be here. I don't want this pain. I want God to take it away. I don't want the confusion.

I don't understand and maybe I never will. I want to run away sometimes.

I feel like I am trapped in some other person's story and only a few want to read the true one.


  1. I agree it is better to be honest with each other. How can it be made better if people don't know?

    I'm new here at your blog, so I feel there is maybe something I don't know. But I do know that God cares about your true story!

    1. Yes, you are right. Honesty is the only way to begin for it to get better. Thank you for your kind words. I am hanging in there with the Lord and I am so glad He cares about my story.

  2. wow. sister I am sorry you are dealing with this. went through something terrible three summers ago, and I thought I wanted to leave my body since the sadness was so great. I pray that God gives you peaceful and inspiring dreams. And I am reminded of this amazing verse "For I know the plans I have you, Dionne- declares the Lord, Plans to PROSPER you and NOT to harm you. Plans to give you a future and a HOPE. Jer. 29:11 blessings friend

    1. Oh, yes to leave the body...such a good way to describe it. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. I love that sometimes is the only way to keep me going when times are read and keep the Lord's word in your heart.

  3. I like this a lot. My family has been through a lot of hard things the last 8 months, and i think one of the worst things about it was the platitudes we were offered by well-meaning Christian friends. The promises that God had something sooo amazing for us. That things are going to get so much better. We're still waiting for the amazing and the better. It's only gotten worse. I would love someone to say nothing and just be with me. Thanks for this. I feel the same way at times, like I'm living my life in the third person. I'll read the true one if you write it.

  4. From my experience, not being real and transparent also really disadvantages the one not being real. It keeps them from true relationships and the heart intimacy that it brings.

    I witnessed as well-meaning people gave you platitudes and promises of silver linings, and have received the same in times of tragedy. I can only guess to reason that they aren't ready (or willing) to deal with that level of transparency. Part of me wants to reason "oh their opinion doesn't matter to me anyway, what do they know?" but really it just hurts because in times of tragedy you are so in search for and in need of healing, and to receive words that are insensitive or fake just hurts that much more.

    I love you sweet woman.


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