I'm a little teapot, short and white
Here is my temper, all in plain sight
When I get all steamed up,
Hear me shout
Just listen, obey and don't you pout.
If you haven't guessed it...I wrote this because I was having one of those days. Patience wearing thin. Tired of parroting. Is that even a word? Or did I mean tired of parenting? Nope, ya know "parroting" as in I. Said. It. More. Than. Once? Now I sound like a nag. Okay, I'll admit I am sometimes, but after awhile insanity begins to creep in after a reasonable request has been consistently ignored.
I don't like it when I am the teapot. Always blowing off my boiling frustrations at the ones I love the most. It seems my littlest boys are burned more than I care to admit. Yes, there are situations when I am justified in my anger, but not justified in the reaction. I need to respond rather than react.
At the moment, I am torn. TRAPPED. Stuck between wanting to be content with being at home, but feeling a desire to go back to work. A place where I can feel productive and useful. (Don't judge). Maybe some of you stay-at-home moms are in your niche. You are right where God has placed you.
I don't feel that.
I don't regret having been home this year to get to know my kids. I didn't search for a job because I strongly believed that God made it abundantly clear that I was to stay home. At least for this year. Now, well I am not so sure. Many days it is not like I don't want to be my sons' mom it is that I am not sure I want to be the at-home, full-time caretaker.
People say that being at home is the highest calling or the greatest job. I agree. However, I cringe a bit when I hear that because in my heart I don't feel that for my self. Yes, there is great purpose and value in loving your children, providing for them, and just being at home instead of having someone else raise them.
I have learned that raising your kids full-time IS a full-time job. And that is only part of the job. I respect my mother even more and have a greater understanding as well as respect for those who choose this path over a career.
But...I am not there. I didn't actually choose. So why don't I just quit whining and get a job?
Because...what if there is more to my story? What if obeying and doing what I am doing is preparing me for something bigger than I comprehend or know right now?
What if ?