I'm a little teapot, short and white
Here is my temper, all in plain sight
When I get all steamed up,
Hear me shout
Just listen, obey and don't you pout.
If you haven't guessed it...I wrote this because I was having one of those days. Patience wearing thin. Tired of parroting. Is that even a word? Or did I mean tired of parenting? Nope, ya know "parroting" as in I. Said. It. More. Than. Once? Now I sound like a nag. Okay, I'll admit I am sometimes, but after awhile insanity begins to creep in after a reasonable request has been consistently ignored.
I don't like it when I am the teapot. Always blowing off my boiling frustrations at the ones I love the most. It seems my littlest boys are burned more than I care to admit. Yes, there are situations when I am justified in my anger, but not justified in the reaction. I need to respond rather than react.
At the moment, I am torn. TRAPPED. Stuck between wanting to be content with being at home, but feeling a desire to go back to work. A place where I can feel productive and useful. (Don't judge). Maybe some of you stay-at-home moms are in your niche. You are right where God has placed you.
I don't feel that.
I don't regret having been home this year to get to know my kids. I didn't search for a job because I strongly believed that God made it abundantly clear that I was to stay home. At least for this year. Now, well I am not so sure. Many days it is not like I don't want to be my sons' mom it is that I am not sure I want to be the at-home, full-time caretaker.
People say that being at home is the highest calling or the greatest job. I agree. However, I cringe a bit when I hear that because in my heart I don't feel that for my self. Yes, there is great purpose and value in loving your children, providing for them, and just being at home instead of having someone else raise them.
I have learned that raising your kids full-time IS a full-time job. And that is only part of the job. I respect my mother even more and have a greater understanding as well as respect for those who choose this path over a career.
But...I am not there. I didn't actually choose. So why don't I just quit whining and get a job?
Because...what if there is more to my story? What if obeying and doing what I am doing is preparing me for something bigger than I comprehend or know right now?
What if ?
It's a doozy! Praying that you will feel God's peace and direction. And as for the teapot-syndrome ... I think it's going around. :)
ReplyDeleteYou are NOT alone in feeling this. Not at all. And I don't think you should feel bad, or guilty, for feeling this way. Just continue to lean into Jesus...to listen for God's direction. Perhaps these feelings, the longing, is a sign...a nudge from God that you should go back to work. Or perhaps you are being tested, or prepared for something (like you said) bigger and beyond what you can comprehend right now.
ReplyDeleteI do think you are on the right track though..looking to the Lord.
I was a stay-at-home-mom for a long time...and I was definitely in my niche, as you put it. But when it was time for me to go back to work..I was getting that itch, that longing for something more...some adult world interaction. Girl, honestly, I felt those things intermittently while I was in the prime of my at-home-momminess. Sometimes, we just need some kid-free, self-building activity. The answer to my longing back then was to take some online courses...or on campus classes when I could...something just for me. Now...I wouldn't change things for the world-how they were before. But I do understand what it is to want to exist outside of your home..to want to work..
I am lifting you up in prayer....now!
Oh, girl! I'm the teapot too! Lord, grant me grace. PLEASE!
ReplyDeleteCan so relate! Being a full-time-stay-at-home mom has been a tough challenge for me. I see other moms who seem to LOVE this stage. They seem to feel like this is their SOLE calling in life. And I have never been able to "get there." Please don't misunderstand, I truly believe that being a daughter to the King and a devoted, loving wife and mother is my HIGHEST calling, but I know that it is not my ONLY calling. I know that I am also called to teach, and to write. But sometimes, I have to do one thing at a time. It's hard. And not everyone's path with look like mine, nor should it. Anyway, I love your heart in this teapot post. I think more moms can relate than we sometimes think.
ReplyDelete~HUGS
Dionne, It is not easy! I hear ya. Sleepy and tiring mommy days over here..where I feel I am not doing a great job keeping the house clean, keeping them occupied..etc. Different struggles than the ones you relay above, but aren't they similar? "Am I doing the right things?":)Tell me what you think of this post: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/motherhood-is-application
ReplyDeleteIt is called, "Motherhood is Application", from the Desiring God blog. I am learning to try to be faithful to God in all of the small and the big things, to "abide in Him" (borrowed from Kristin S), to pray continually, and to also ask Him for the things I desire. I try to pray that I would desire the same things that he desires!
I'm so sorry that other people have made you think that they have it all together. I've been a stay-at-home mom for 16 years and I can assure you that it is not all peaches and cream. Only God and the love you have for your children can get you through. There are amazing days when I am so greatful to be able to do this and there are other days that I want to run right out and get a job..ANY job just to get out of the house and talk to other grown-ups. It is the most amazing job I've ever had and yet the most challanging. God bless you and remember to listen in the calm times, not just the hard times.
ReplyDeleteI just stumbled across this post after finding your blog on FMF this morning. I can definitely relate to trying to make the right decision when not sure of what that is! I worked for a while when we needed the extra income - at least we thought we did. I ended up having to quit abruptly due to family issues. I'm still not sure if I was supposed to be working at all. I still sometimes struggle with being a stay at home mom and not bringing in a regular income. But with 2 kids and one on the way, it's definitely where I know WANT to be.
ReplyDeleteIt's been a while since you've written this so I hope you're feeling better about your decision whether it's to stay home or go to work! Either way we can be honoring God. :)