I used to be smart...

I used to be um, er,...what's that word? Cute? Perfect? Um,...no...sharp. Yeah, that's it. I think.

 I can't really remember when the phenomenon occurred. One day, perhaps after giving birth to two sons? I am no longer acute. The Grey matter is turning black. 

It seems like the human body is great at multitasking, but in its' attempts to create life, wires get crossed and the babe sucks the intelligent cells right out. (okay, I know that is a stretch).  I know God didn't really design it that way, but I have noticed an anomaly in my thinking, speech, and especially memory since pregnancy.

Okay, okay, yes I am past 35. So maybe middle age is the problem? A smidgen of senility instead?

Ya know it's bad when Post-it notes are your best friend. 

My One word for the year is an "M" word: Master

MASTER

 

One word can change everything. One word that sums up who you want to be or how you want to live or what you want to achieve by the end of 2012.

One word that you can focus on every day, all year long. -from (see below)

It usually feels good to have mastered something. To get to a point where cracking another book or memorizing a formula, or just remembering how isn't necessary.  Where it comes naturally.

Then, for some, being the master of this or that breeds confidence or the ugly twin of pride.

Sure, I have mastered some subjects, some hobbies, but what I don't want to be the master of anymore is me--with all of my desires, selfish wants and everything in between.

 I have been the master of me for too long. 
Often controlling all in my life or so I think. I am tired of trying at times to control everyone and everything. Trying to master things I won't or don't need to. Forgetting who I am in Him...who is REALLY in charge.

So, for this year, I want to focus on my Master, the Lord, Jesus. Allowing Him to be master over ALL of my life. To seep into every domain of my heart and head not just some parts of me. 

It isn't that I never serve others or the Lord, but to do it without serving me. To say yes every time, mean it and do it boldly with and for Jesus.

For God is my master and I am His servant. I am His. I was made to serve Him.  I want to serve Him so He gets the glory.


"Bring all who claim me as their God, for I have made them for my glory. It was I who created them."

I want to be loud...

Today, it is time to write for five-minutes. No editing, backtracking, etc. The word is loud. Go...

Sometimes I am NOT loud enough. I tend to trail off somewhere between others more important statements and my wanting to be heard, but don't interrupt. Don't repeat. Obviously they weren't listening.

 Sometimes I am too loud. Yelling to get my point across, to release my anger. Sad that I have to get there. I come by it honestly. I was raised in a home with "yellers" who rarely spoke softly. Our home wasn't calm. I am demanding to be heard because I want to know that what I have to say matters.

Oh, the search for significance wears many costumes. I am guilty of dressing in a few. 

Maybe if I (fill in the blank) then I will feel like I matter, if I am thin enough, smart enough, do enough. 

But...that is changing. I am replacing the costumes with the Lord's love and truth. Yelling less. Letting go of the need to always be heard or understood. Extending grace to the ones who aren't there yet.

I want to be loud for God instead, but not with yelling. With my life. Where the world hears Him instead of me.