Tripping on Christmas Ribbon

Six more days til' Christmas!!

I finally finished all of my shopping. I stood in a long line at the Post Office to send off final packages. Done?

Nopers...I still have to hide and wrap presents. Anyone else struggle with this task?

Don't get me wrong, I really like to do both.
However, I am running out of places to hide the gifts. The bigger the gift, the harder it is to conceal. Under my bed is full, and the closet is no longer an option. I am thinking of using the garage or trunk of the car for my newest alternative.

Then, there are my final wrapping attempts. They would not win any wrapped gift contests. I think even Martha Stewart would gasp.

Ya know those blue or marked lines on the inner side of the wrapping paper?
Yep, those are for fools like me. I am artistic, but I can't draw much less cut a straight line!

Every one of my wrapping undertaking ends with wrinkles, bubbles, uneven folds, too much tape, sometimes tears or holes, but always with a bows, ribbons or both.

Did my grandmother or mom struggle with this affliction? No, as a matter of fact I used to stare with awe (and envy) as they so crisply folded and taped gifts. The perfect creases with no wrinkles. Tight, neat, inspiring. How did they do it?

In my defense, I am really good at dragging the scissors across the paper (as I carefully follow the marked lines) to cut it. It looks really suave.

When I venture wrapping gifts, the room is littered with ribbons, tissue, boxes and bows. If I don't trip on the Christmas ribbon, then I am busy curling it with the edge of the scissors' blade so my packages at least look a tad fancy. My hubby actually rubbed off the metallic shine of the ribbon as he about tore it when he tried to curl it. Yes, I was in stitches and smirked with satisfaction. I wasn't alone in my trimming disasters.

The worst part of my wrapping endeavor is when I get the tape stuck on itself or even worse, I unintentionally stick it to the paper...you can't take it off or you'll tear the decoration (and paper). At this point, I should surrender to my wrapping malady. I don't. I have to wrap the gifts. I don't want to pay someone else to do it!

Yeah...I think I should re-wrap this gift! Notice the elegant wrinkling and folding at the top.

Okay, okay...I know. Does it really matter if my gift looks like it stepped out of Martha Stewart's hand? How many people receiving my gifts really look it over and say, "I can't accept this. It is wrapped so terribly."

I try so hard. I guess it does matter to me. Honestly?

I put Christmas music on, drink hot cocoa, and do it anyway.

It is fun to give imperfectly clothed gifts!

A spoonful of courage to write this now

I love this time of year. Really, what's not to like?

Okay, not everyone has the perfect situation, family, or wealth to make this a "Pottery Barn" extravaganza. However, isn't it all in your head or heart?

I feel like this time of year brings out the worst and best of me.

I give more, I dwell in the past more, I cherish more, want more (greedy girl), and I have more gratitude for what I do possess.

Why am I like a good and evil twin all wrapped up? (sorry for the pun).

Is it the pressure of the holiday? Is it the expectations? The need to bake perfectly frosted cookies?

The fact that I know I am present wrapping challenged?

(I seriously cannot keep the paper tight and unwrinkled)

Although, I am sure some of those reasons affect my psyche in a harmful way...well, a lot of it is just plain silly...not worth getting all worked up about it.

BUT...

This year is different. I actually faced a few pieces of the problems that have been causing me anxiety and bringing out some of my ugly side.

I am lonely. I need connections that don't happen in 4 months. I need patience. I have friends. They just don't live in the same town. I am also full of what if's and how comes?

It is my relationship with my father.

All of my life I have felt invisible when I am around my father. I can be in the same room as him and still feel like a ghost. It injures self-worth.

How does one person have so much power over me?

I am no perfect daughter. There's no such thing as a flawless father.

All I really want my dad to do is be interested in me. Like me. Notice how different I am now as a 30 something adult. I want him to be in love with his grandchildren.

I have forgiven him. I just want a relationship. A child shouldn't have to beg for a relationship. Is our relationship that indispensable to him?

He is my only remaining parent on earth. I don't want to feel like an orphan.

I have tried everything. Kindness, space, forgiveness, amends, respect, pictures, cards, phone calls. All in vain. I have OFFICIALLY moved to the label of a stalker.

God says to honor thy mother and father. Is it more honoring to leave him be?

Should I quit? Give up? Let it go?

I haven't made my decision yet. I should probably ask a counselor their thoughts...?

Thoughts on the Nativity:Inn Crowd verses the Stable Few

Writer's Workshop: .3 Your Nativity

My husband and I created it with our own hands. It is definitely no accurate portrayal of the more than 2,000 yr. old event that took place. But it is special. We made it. Every time we display it, I remember the love and respect that went into making it.

A friend quoted this saying, "Are you with the Inn Crowd or the Stable Few?"

I've never intentionally joined the Inn Crowd and it took a while to be able to hang with the Stable Few.

THE STABLE FEW:

When I think of the Nativity, I think of a man, who wasn't technically the Father choose a child over disbelief.

I wish my father had chosen me instead of his job, his selfish desires, or another woman's children.

I think of a young mother who chose faith over ridicule and shame.

I think of two parents who risked everything for a child. Who were brave enough to face a long journey only to have a child in the most inconvenient place.

Shepherd's, whose religion saved their lives. They got to see angels in all their glory singing what I am sure was an amazing song.

Wise men who accepted the prediction in scriptures, followed a star and brought gifts to a baby they said, "...who has been born king of the Jews?" (NIV)

THE INN CROWD:

A man (Herod) so disturbed and threatened that he would declare that all boys in Bethlehem under two be killed.

I think of all the people who mocked and hated this baby when he became a man. The people who do this now.

I remember that when I put myself first, when I am unkind, or (insert ugly behavior here) that I might as well join the Inn crowd.

BUT...

Then, I remember why this baby came in the first place. This unique circumstance.

The beauty of the Nativity is the gift behind it:

NO MATTER whether I am with the Inn crowd or the Stable few,
His birth was a gift to humanity, to me:
I am forgiven.
I am loved anyway.
He came for me.
He is for me.
I will be with him for eternity.

I remember that a baby made such an impact that a huge portion of the world celebrates a great holiday called, Christmas.