Wishing All of you a Very Merry Christmas and a peaceful, Happy New Year.
Thank you for reading my ramblings and commenting. I really appreciate the support.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
You know you're a mom when...
You know you are a Mom when...
b) It was blocking his whole right nostril and you felt bad for him.
c) You were worried you would be one of "those" moms who are labeled as lazy with gross kids.
OR
d) All of the above.
You pick a booger out of your second son's nose because:
a) He tried to blow it out, but it was still there and visible.b) It was blocking his whole right nostril and you felt bad for him.
c) You were worried you would be one of "those" moms who are labeled as lazy with gross kids.
OR
d) All of the above.
Yes, I admit I did it. Don't worry, being a bit germaphobic, I thoroughly washed my hands.
(Hey, I would NOT pick any other persons' nose other than my little kids and mine)
You know you are a Mom when...
You find your son playing "artist" and painting his poo ALL OVER his crib! Yep, fun stuff. You find yourself gagging while scrubbing, no sand blasting the poop off his little body and giving him two baths. *All salvageable items were placed in hot water in the washer or scoured with tons of bleach.
When you share most of your meal with them.
You say,"I have to go potty" to your mother-in-law.
You act like a fool to get your kid to do something.
AND...you will read one more book, hug one more time, all in the name of loving a child whose very existence makes you wonder what you did before they came into your world!
(Hey, I would NOT pick any other persons' nose other than my little kids and mine)
You know you are a Mom when...
You find your son playing "artist" and painting his poo ALL OVER his crib! Yep, fun stuff. You find yourself gagging while scrubbing, no sand blasting the poop off his little body and giving him two baths. *All salvageable items were placed in hot water in the washer or scoured with tons of bleach.
When you share most of your meal with them.
You say,"I have to go potty" to your mother-in-law.
You act like a fool to get your kid to do something.
AND...you will read one more book, hug one more time, all in the name of loving a child whose very existence makes you wonder what you did before they came into your world!
To my two, precious boys! Mommy loves you so much.
From:
Tripping on Christmas Ribbon
Six more days til' Christmas!!
I finally finished all of my shopping. I stood in a long line at the Post Office to send off final packages. Done?
Nopers...I still have to hide and wrap presents. Anyone else struggle with this task?
Don't get me wrong, I really like to do both.
However, I am running out of places to hide the gifts. The bigger the gift, the harder it is to conceal. Under my bed is full, and the closet is no longer an option. I am thinking of using the garage or trunk of the car for my newest alternative.
Then, there are my final wrapping attempts. They would not win any wrapped gift contests. I think even Martha Stewart would gasp.
Ya know those blue or marked lines on the inner side of the wrapping paper?
Yep, those are for fools like me. I am artistic, but I can't draw much less cut a straight line!
Every one of my wrapping undertaking ends with wrinkles, bubbles, uneven folds, too much tape, sometimes tears or holes, but always with a bows, ribbons or both.
Did my grandmother or mom struggle with this affliction? No, as a matter of fact I used to stare with awe (and envy) as they so crisply folded and taped gifts. The perfect creases with no wrinkles. Tight, neat, inspiring. How did they do it?
In my defense, I am really good at dragging the scissors across the paper (as I carefully follow the marked lines) to cut it. It looks really suave.
When I venture wrapping gifts, the room is littered with ribbons, tissue, boxes and bows. If I don't trip on the Christmas ribbon, then I am busy curling it with the edge of the scissors' blade so my packages at least look a tad fancy. My hubby actually rubbed off the metallic shine of the ribbon as he about tore it when he tried to curl it. Yes, I was in stitches and smirked with satisfaction. I wasn't alone in my trimming disasters.
The worst part of my wrapping endeavor is when I get the tape stuck on itself or even worse, I unintentionally stick it to the paper...you can't take it off or you'll tear the decoration (and paper). At this point, I should surrender to my wrapping malady. I don't. I have to wrap the gifts. I don't want to pay someone else to do it!
Okay, okay...I know. Does it really matter if my gift looks like it stepped out of Martha Stewart's hand? How many people receiving my gifts really look it over and say, "I can't accept this. It is wrapped so terribly."
I try so hard. I guess it does matter to me. Honestly?
I finally finished all of my shopping. I stood in a long line at the Post Office to send off final packages. Done?
Nopers...I still have to hide and wrap presents. Anyone else struggle with this task?
Don't get me wrong, I really like to do both.
However, I am running out of places to hide the gifts. The bigger the gift, the harder it is to conceal. Under my bed is full, and the closet is no longer an option. I am thinking of using the garage or trunk of the car for my newest alternative.
Then, there are my final wrapping attempts. They would not win any wrapped gift contests. I think even Martha Stewart would gasp.
Ya know those blue or marked lines on the inner side of the wrapping paper?
Yep, those are for fools like me. I am artistic, but I can't draw much less cut a straight line!
Every one of my wrapping undertaking ends with wrinkles, bubbles, uneven folds, too much tape, sometimes tears or holes, but always with a bows, ribbons or both.
Did my grandmother or mom struggle with this affliction? No, as a matter of fact I used to stare with awe (and envy) as they so crisply folded and taped gifts. The perfect creases with no wrinkles. Tight, neat, inspiring. How did they do it?
In my defense, I am really good at dragging the scissors across the paper (as I carefully follow the marked lines) to cut it. It looks really suave.
When I venture wrapping gifts, the room is littered with ribbons, tissue, boxes and bows. If I don't trip on the Christmas ribbon, then I am busy curling it with the edge of the scissors' blade so my packages at least look a tad fancy. My hubby actually rubbed off the metallic shine of the ribbon as he about tore it when he tried to curl it. Yes, I was in stitches and smirked with satisfaction. I wasn't alone in my trimming disasters.
The worst part of my wrapping endeavor is when I get the tape stuck on itself or even worse, I unintentionally stick it to the paper...you can't take it off or you'll tear the decoration (and paper). At this point, I should surrender to my wrapping malady. I don't. I have to wrap the gifts. I don't want to pay someone else to do it!
Okay, okay...I know. Does it really matter if my gift looks like it stepped out of Martha Stewart's hand? How many people receiving my gifts really look it over and say, "I can't accept this. It is wrapped so terribly."
I try so hard. I guess it does matter to me. Honestly?
I put Christmas music on, drink hot cocoa, and do it anyway.
It is fun to give imperfectly clothed gifts!
It is fun to give imperfectly clothed gifts!
Monday, December 19, 2011
A spoonful of courage to write this now
I love this time of year. Really, what's not to like?
Okay, not everyone has the perfect situation, family, or wealth to make this a "Pottery Barn" extravaganza. However, isn't it all in your head or heart?
I feel like this time of year brings out the worst and best of me.
I give more, I dwell in the past more, I cherish more, want more (greedy girl), and I have more gratitude for what I do possess.
Why am I like a good and evil twin all wrapped up? (sorry for the pun).
Is it the pressure of the holiday? Is it the expectations? The need to bake perfectly frosted cookies?
Okay, not everyone has the perfect situation, family, or wealth to make this a "Pottery Barn" extravaganza. However, isn't it all in your head or heart?
I feel like this time of year brings out the worst and best of me.
I give more, I dwell in the past more, I cherish more, want more (greedy girl), and I have more gratitude for what I do possess.
Why am I like a good and evil twin all wrapped up? (sorry for the pun).
Is it the pressure of the holiday? Is it the expectations? The need to bake perfectly frosted cookies?
The fact that I know I am present wrapping challenged?
(I seriously cannot keep the paper tight and unwrinkled)
Although, I am sure some of those reasons affect my psyche in a harmful way...well, a lot of it is just plain silly...not worth getting all worked up about it.
It is my relationship with my father.
BUT...
This year is different. I actually faced a few pieces of the problems that have been causing me anxiety and bringing out some of my ugly side.I am lonely. I need connections that don't happen in 4 months. I need patience. I have friends. They just don't live in the same town. I am also full of what if's and how comes?
It is my relationship with my father.
All of my life I have felt invisible when I am around my father. I can be in the same room as him and still feel like a ghost. It injures self-worth.
How does one person have so much power over me?
I am no perfect daughter. There's no such thing as a flawless father.
All I really want my dad to do is be interested in me. Like me. Notice how different I am now as a 30 something adult. I want him to be in love with his grandchildren.
I have forgiven him. I just want a relationship. A child shouldn't have to beg for a relationship. Is our relationship that indispensable to him?
He is my only remaining parent on earth. I don't want to feel like an orphan.
I have tried everything. Kindness, space, forgiveness, amends, respect, pictures, cards, phone calls. All in vain. I have OFFICIALLY moved to the label of a stalker.
God says to honor thy mother and father. Is it more honoring to leave him be?
Should I quit? Give up? Let it go?
I haven't made my decision yet. I should probably ask a counselor their thoughts...?
How does one person have so much power over me?
I am no perfect daughter. There's no such thing as a flawless father.
All I really want my dad to do is be interested in me. Like me. Notice how different I am now as a 30 something adult. I want him to be in love with his grandchildren.
I have forgiven him. I just want a relationship. A child shouldn't have to beg for a relationship. Is our relationship that indispensable to him?
He is my only remaining parent on earth. I don't want to feel like an orphan.
I have tried everything. Kindness, space, forgiveness, amends, respect, pictures, cards, phone calls. All in vain. I have OFFICIALLY moved to the label of a stalker.
God says to honor thy mother and father. Is it more honoring to leave him be?
Should I quit? Give up? Let it go?
I haven't made my decision yet. I should probably ask a counselor their thoughts...?
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Thoughts on the Nativity:Inn Crowd verses the Stable Few
Writer's Workshop: .3 Your Nativity
A friend quoted this saying, "Are you with the Inn Crowd or the Stable Few?"
I've never intentionally joined the Inn Crowd and it took a while to be able to hang with the Stable Few.
THE STABLE FEW:
When I think of the Nativity, I think of a man, who wasn't technically the Father choose a child over disbelief.
I wish my father had chosen me instead of his job, his selfish desires, or another woman's children.
I think of a young mother who chose faith over ridicule and shame.
I think of two parents who risked everything for a child. Who were brave enough to face a long journey only to have a child in the most inconvenient place.
Shepherd's, whose religion saved their lives. They got to see angels in all their glory singing what I am sure was an amazing song.
Wise men who accepted the prediction in scriptures, followed a star and brought gifts to a baby they said, "...who has been born king of the Jews?" (NIV)
THE INN CROWD:
A man (Herod) so disturbed and threatened that he would declare that all boys in Bethlehem under two be killed.
I think of all the people who mocked and hated this baby when he became a man. The people who do this now.
I remember that when I put myself first, when I am unkind, or (insert ugly behavior here) that I might as well join the Inn crowd.
The beauty of the Nativity is the gift behind it:
NO MATTER whether I am with the Inn crowd or the Stable few,
His birth was a gift to humanity, to me:
I am forgiven.
I am loved anyway.
He came for me.
He is for me.
I will be with him for eternity.
My husband and I created it with our own hands. It is definitely no accurate portrayal of the more than 2,000 yr. old event that took place. But it is special. We made it. Every time we display it, I remember the love and respect that went into making it.
A friend quoted this saying, "Are you with the Inn Crowd or the Stable Few?"
I've never intentionally joined the Inn Crowd and it took a while to be able to hang with the Stable Few.
THE STABLE FEW:
When I think of the Nativity, I think of a man, who wasn't technically the Father choose a child over disbelief.
I wish my father had chosen me instead of his job, his selfish desires, or another woman's children.
I think of a young mother who chose faith over ridicule and shame.
I think of two parents who risked everything for a child. Who were brave enough to face a long journey only to have a child in the most inconvenient place.
Shepherd's, whose religion saved their lives. They got to see angels in all their glory singing what I am sure was an amazing song.
Wise men who accepted the prediction in scriptures, followed a star and brought gifts to a baby they said, "...who has been born king of the Jews?" (NIV)
THE INN CROWD:
A man (Herod) so disturbed and threatened that he would declare that all boys in Bethlehem under two be killed.
I think of all the people who mocked and hated this baby when he became a man. The people who do this now.
I remember that when I put myself first, when I am unkind, or (insert ugly behavior here) that I might as well join the Inn crowd.
BUT...
Then, I remember why this baby came in the first place. This unique circumstance.The beauty of the Nativity is the gift behind it:
NO MATTER whether I am with the Inn crowd or the Stable few,
His birth was a gift to humanity, to me:
I am forgiven.
I am loved anyway.
He came for me.
He is for me.
I will be with him for eternity.
I remember that a baby made such an impact that a huge portion of the world celebrates a great holiday called, Christmas.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Hard Questions: Part 3: The final installment of the Adkison Sagas
Above: the house we sold in Ft. Collins.
Do you like my title?
Sarcasm and silliness is my kind of humor.
In case you missed the first two in the trio or you are lost, here is a synopsis:
On August 3rd, we drove the curvy, steep, but beautiful Interstate 70 from Fort Collins to Grand Junction, Colorado. We were leaving a placed we really like because Chris got a full-time teaching job at a middle school. We believed and still do that the Lord wants us to be in Grand Junction. I am struggling because I am lonely and I am a Stay-at-Home mom for the first time. I am still unsure about this new label and my place in life right now. Chris and I miss Ft. Collins A LOT!
From the second part of the story...
Monday, December 12, 2011
12 Arduous, Amazing Years
Hubby and I celebrated 12 years on 12-11-11.12 years ago this day, we made a choice to be committed to each other for life.
8 years were especially arduous. All have been really amazing.
Arduous times:
Four deaths in one year, losing a job because of the economy just AFTER agreeing to buy a home, changing jobs, changing careers twice, going back to college, moving to a new state or city, family frustrations, finding another great church, a child in a hospital, being a charity case or dependent on others for help, going without to do the right thing, surgeries, injuries, a Peeping Tom, the invasion of mice, severe allergic reaction to mean Yellow Jackets, rejection and letting go of things you hold dear.
Amazing times:
Experiencing forgiveness, round pregnant bellies, the birth of two, healthy boys, newborn cries, being closer (mentally, emotionally and now physically) to family, aging, seeing beautiful places and being in nature together, climbing rocks, climbing spiritual mountains, giving anonymously, laughing, learning to be parents, working as a team, seeing the Sequoia Trees, playing in mountain rivers, supporting each other through disappointments, with health goals, with sugar challenges (smile).
It is easier to focus on the difficulties of marriage and life. The world in general doesn't seem to be for healthy marriages, but I am.
We've never had a perfect marriage. We've both hurt each other, but we have both loved each other through those hurts.
I want another 12 years and more of all of it. I would do it all again.
I married my best friend!
(Which is why I can get a way with making a silly face and in tricking my husband into thinking my face was normal...haha!)
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Writer's Workshop: Flakes of Wrath
Flakes of Wrath hit hard.
A blizzard predicted perfectly.
Stuck at work with panicked students.
Spanish phone calls to frightened parents.
Cars stalled, slipping, stuck.
Digging mounds of pure white, an attempt to remove all evidence.
Headline reads: Hubby hero saves teens;
He helps them push bus out of a huge snow drift.
After snow chains applied to tires,
freedom to move occurs slowly, slippery.
An abandoned car sits outside my home.
Lonely, frozen in time.
Furious flakes accumulate and threaten to bury it.
Knee deep with snowmen as my goal, I wait patiently for the end of the pure fury.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Hard Questions: Part 2
So my newest, hard question from my son is, "How come your mommy passed away?" Good question. The best I could come up with is that our bodies get old and stop working. The Lord wanted my mom to be with him in heaven.
I want more why too! I can be quiet frustrated and pained by less why. My patience is strained when I don't have a clue to what the answer is to my question(s).
He seemed pretty okay with that answer, but still had a baffled look on his face because he wanted more why and I really didn't know what to say.
I want more why too! I can be quiet frustrated and pained by less why. My patience is strained when I don't have a clue to what the answer is to my question(s).
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
From traditions to fun activities for Christmas
I did not grow up with a ton of neat, heart-warming Christmas traditions. My family celebrated C-mas and we usually had some festive food and opened one gift on C-mas Eve. I believed in Santa so I always had a few unwrapped presents under the tree. I had a stuffed stocking as well.
The best tradition that sticks out in my mind is how we always went to look at Christmas lights as a family (before my parents divorced). People's homes morphed from ho-hum to magical displays. Some houses had mechanical or robotic "moving" Santas, reindeer, and the like. There was often even live Christmas music! These beautiful, fantasy scenes always left me wide-eyed, awed and excited for the big day.
Now, I am a married mom to two wide-eyed sons. I haven't opened a gift on Christmas Eve since 2004. However, I have continued stuffing stockings, looking at C-mas lights and making festive food. One year my hubby and I made a Nativity scene out of clay. (See picture below)
I will take orders if anyone would like one of these for their home next Christmas. $30-80 plus shipping. (wink, smile)
Along with the old customs remaining, I have added and will continue to add new ones.
Presently, I bake Christmas cookies (I always try a new recipe), decorate them, eat them and also share them with neighbors. Also, I buy a new ornament every year. Since both of my sons were born, I have purchased ornaments for them. I also like to make fancy, paper snowflakes.
This year is full of firsts: A ginger bread house, creating pretend stained-glass ornaments, a Santa Advent calendar, A made-of-glue Snowman ornament, answering hard questions about Santa and Jesus, teaching my children that December is the 12th month and all about its secular as well as religious customs, and making C-mas crafts using your hand or foot! (Reindeer and Santas are too cute this way, believe me)!
Here are some samples:
The best tradition that sticks out in my mind is how we always went to look at Christmas lights as a family (before my parents divorced). People's homes morphed from ho-hum to magical displays. Some houses had mechanical or robotic "moving" Santas, reindeer, and the like. There was often even live Christmas music! These beautiful, fantasy scenes always left me wide-eyed, awed and excited for the big day.
Now, I am a married mom to two wide-eyed sons. I haven't opened a gift on Christmas Eve since 2004. However, I have continued stuffing stockings, looking at C-mas lights and making festive food. One year my hubby and I made a Nativity scene out of clay. (See picture below)
I will take orders if anyone would like one of these for their home next Christmas. $30-80 plus shipping. (wink, smile)Along with the old customs remaining, I have added and will continue to add new ones.
Presently, I bake Christmas cookies (I always try a new recipe), decorate them, eat them and also share them with neighbors. Also, I buy a new ornament every year. Since both of my sons were born, I have purchased ornaments for them. I also like to make fancy, paper snowflakes.
This year is full of firsts: A ginger bread house, creating pretend stained-glass ornaments, a Santa Advent calendar, A made-of-glue Snowman ornament, answering hard questions about Santa and Jesus, teaching my children that December is the 12th month and all about its secular as well as religious customs, and making C-mas crafts using your hand or foot! (Reindeer and Santas are too cute this way, believe me)!
Here are some samples:
I will gladly share how to do any of these activities if you are interested.
I appreciate these new traditions and keeping the old. I realize that my inner kid gets to shine.
Please share your traditions and fun activities with me.
Please share your traditions and fun activities with me.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Hard Questions: Part 1
My son, Schafer has recently been asking hard questions. For example, he has asked, "How come I can't see Jesus?" "Does all of our family have God in their hearts?" And cute ones like, "What toys does Jesus have in his house in heaven, Can you ask him for me?"
The most difficult part of his questions are trying to answer him in a way that he can understand. Sometimes I don't know the answer or I find that there isn't an easy way to explain it to him.
What amazes me is his ability to be okay with what I do tell him.
He trusts me.
What about me? Can I be okay with what God tells me?
I want God to say, "She trusts me."
I won't pretend that I trust Him entirely. Heck, I'm human and would be a liar if I said I never worried or doubted what God was doing. I won't deny that I like to have a bit of control and am tempted to do things my way (human foolishness).
Yep, ain't that the truth!
I want to begin to share my current story. I have been putting off sharing it with others because it has involved so much faith, patience, perseverance and well, it is still ongoing in my life as I write this so it is quite difficult to express properly in words. Maybe it is the timing as well.
Although, I have been through trials and transitions before, this particular event has truly changed my life and is changing how I view myself and God.
It started last Fall of 2010 when I held a bible study by Priscilla Shirer called, Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted. Two other women joined me. The premise of the study is that when life's disruptions happen as they always do, that you can change your perspective on them. Sometimes those interruptions are from the Lord. Shirer states, "A life interrupted by a holy God is a privilege."
I'll admit that the statement is true, but it is not easy to accept when you are feeling like the poster child. The bible study was the precursor to what lied ahead for me. Even in the first week of the study, the Lord pressed on my heart that I was to let go of my current job and stay home with my children.
I am going to start backwards today. Start at the current end instead of the beginning. I think it will make more sense this way.
Disclaimer: If you live in Grand Junction and are reading this, you might get offended and I am sorry, but I need to speak the truth.
I live in Grand Junction, CO. About 4 months ago, I lived in Fort Collins, CO. My husband got a teaching job here and this is the main reason we had to move.
The hard question I've been asking is, "Lord, why did you bring us here?" This place is so different than Ft. Collins. Ft. Collins is lush, progressive, clean. Grand Junction is more like a desert. Many people walk around with beaver faces, shaved heads and camo for everyday attire. There are a lot of old, broken down homes, fifthly warehouses and junk. There are different values here and the culture is different.
I am used to city or suburban life. Used to an abundance of natural areas, clean, safe parks, and an amazing bike trail that runs through the town of F.C.
I am probably not being fair. I know I sound judgmental. I really am not. I've just experienced a sense of culture shock. I am trying to accept this place as my new home, really.
The hope I am clinging to right now is that the Lord has a plan and purpose for my family. That maybe it is LESS about me and more about the people of GJ.
I know that I have changed. Moving to GJ forced me to make the changes that God is requiring of me: quit your job, stay home, write, teach your little ones, enjoy the lack of stress a job outside the home can bring, and love those I bring to you.
This is my hope. At least I have hope!
Stay tuned (wink, wink) for me to explain more of my story of how we got to GJ. I will do my best to not disappoint...
The most difficult part of his questions are trying to answer him in a way that he can understand. Sometimes I don't know the answer or I find that there isn't an easy way to explain it to him.
What amazes me is his ability to be okay with what I do tell him.
He trusts me.
What about me? Can I be okay with what God tells me?
I want God to say, "She trusts me."
I won't pretend that I trust Him entirely. Heck, I'm human and would be a liar if I said I never worried or doubted what God was doing. I won't deny that I like to have a bit of control and am tempted to do things my way (human foolishness).
BUT...His word clearly states,
My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,
and my ways are far beyond anything you can imagine.
Isaiah 55:8 (NLT)
Yep, ain't that the truth!
I want to begin to share my current story. I have been putting off sharing it with others because it has involved so much faith, patience, perseverance and well, it is still ongoing in my life as I write this so it is quite difficult to express properly in words. Maybe it is the timing as well.
Although, I have been through trials and transitions before, this particular event has truly changed my life and is changing how I view myself and God.
It started last Fall of 2010 when I held a bible study by Priscilla Shirer called, Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted. Two other women joined me. The premise of the study is that when life's disruptions happen as they always do, that you can change your perspective on them. Sometimes those interruptions are from the Lord. Shirer states, "A life interrupted by a holy God is a privilege."
I'll admit that the statement is true, but it is not easy to accept when you are feeling like the poster child. The bible study was the precursor to what lied ahead for me. Even in the first week of the study, the Lord pressed on my heart that I was to let go of my current job and stay home with my children.
I am going to start backwards today. Start at the current end instead of the beginning. I think it will make more sense this way.
Disclaimer: If you live in Grand Junction and are reading this, you might get offended and I am sorry, but I need to speak the truth.
I live in Grand Junction, CO. About 4 months ago, I lived in Fort Collins, CO. My husband got a teaching job here and this is the main reason we had to move.
The hard question I've been asking is, "Lord, why did you bring us here?" This place is so different than Ft. Collins. Ft. Collins is lush, progressive, clean. Grand Junction is more like a desert. Many people walk around with beaver faces, shaved heads and camo for everyday attire. There are a lot of old, broken down homes, fifthly warehouses and junk. There are different values here and the culture is different.
I am used to city or suburban life. Used to an abundance of natural areas, clean, safe parks, and an amazing bike trail that runs through the town of F.C.
I am probably not being fair. I know I sound judgmental. I really am not. I've just experienced a sense of culture shock. I am trying to accept this place as my new home, really.
The hope I am clinging to right now is that the Lord has a plan and purpose for my family. That maybe it is LESS about me and more about the people of GJ.
I know that I have changed. Moving to GJ forced me to make the changes that God is requiring of me: quit your job, stay home, write, teach your little ones, enjoy the lack of stress a job outside the home can bring, and love those I bring to you.
This is my hope. At least I have hope!
Stay tuned (wink, wink) for me to explain more of my story of how we got to GJ. I will do my best to not disappoint...
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
5 Things
5 seems like a small number, but not when you choose to describe aspects of yourself.
There are 5 things that strangers and acquaintances reading this blog don't know about me:
*I have a crooked pinky on my right hand. So does my sister. Neither of us ever
broke our pinkies and we figure it is hereditary.
*I used to be a belly dancer. I haven't performed in front of an audience since
2009. (If only you could see my cool belly flutters and rolls).
*I have never broken a bone which is funny because I have issues with absorbing vitamin D and calcium.
*I have moved (if you count from city to city, state to state and apt. to house,
to dorm to house, etc.) at least 30 times in my life.
*I am a motherless mother. My mom passed away 5 years ago and didn't get to meet my children while on earth.
The 5 things I like to think I am knowledgeable about are:
1. Art, I have a BFA in scultpure.
2. ESL: I taught it for 6 years at Harris Bilingual Immersion School
3. Losses: I have experienced SO many and I am not even 40 yet. I have learned what NOT to say when people experience them.
4. Birds. I can identify A LOT and I have discovered how to attract them to my backyard.
5. Cooking: I can make different kinds of cuisines and I am famous for my Southern or Indian dishes.
I know nothing about these 5 things:
1. Astrophysics ( I don't care to anyway).
2. Lawyer stuff (other than what is on T.V. or in movies).
3. Airplanes.
4. Sailing-I am not fond of sharks, so I don't want to tempt fate.
5. Having a disability or debilitating disease. I am grateful for my health.
Last, but not necessarily least...
There are 5 things I believe strongly in:
*Washing your hands after you use the bathroom and before you put ANYTHING in
your mouth. We could avoid lots of sickness and grossness this way.
*That eating chocolate and throwing eggs is quite healing.
*Hugging and loving your family daily. Unspoken acts are just as healing and
important as those we express audibly.
*Junk in, junk out. What we see, hear, taste, and experience regularly has great
impact on who we are inside and out.
*That there is only one God, I am NOT Him and that His son, Jesus was the ultimate expression of the Lord's message to us that we matter to Him and that he loves us.
Whew! There ya have it folks...5 things unveiled.
FROM:
There are 5 things that strangers and acquaintances reading this blog don't know about me:
*I have a crooked pinky on my right hand. So does my sister. Neither of us ever
broke our pinkies and we figure it is hereditary.
*I used to be a belly dancer. I haven't performed in front of an audience since
2009. (If only you could see my cool belly flutters and rolls).
*I have never broken a bone which is funny because I have issues with absorbing vitamin D and calcium.
*I have moved (if you count from city to city, state to state and apt. to house,
to dorm to house, etc.) at least 30 times in my life.
*I am a motherless mother. My mom passed away 5 years ago and didn't get to meet my children while on earth.
The 5 things I like to think I am knowledgeable about are:
1. Art, I have a BFA in scultpure.
2. ESL: I taught it for 6 years at Harris Bilingual Immersion School
3. Losses: I have experienced SO many and I am not even 40 yet. I have learned what NOT to say when people experience them.
4. Birds. I can identify A LOT and I have discovered how to attract them to my backyard.
5. Cooking: I can make different kinds of cuisines and I am famous for my Southern or Indian dishes.
I know nothing about these 5 things:
1. Astrophysics ( I don't care to anyway).
2. Lawyer stuff (other than what is on T.V. or in movies).
3. Airplanes.
4. Sailing-I am not fond of sharks, so I don't want to tempt fate.
5. Having a disability or debilitating disease. I am grateful for my health.
Last, but not necessarily least...
There are 5 things I believe strongly in:
*Washing your hands after you use the bathroom and before you put ANYTHING in
your mouth. We could avoid lots of sickness and grossness this way.
*That eating chocolate and throwing eggs is quite healing.
*Hugging and loving your family daily. Unspoken acts are just as healing and
important as those we express audibly.
*Junk in, junk out. What we see, hear, taste, and experience regularly has great
impact on who we are inside and out.
*That there is only one God, I am NOT Him and that His son, Jesus was the ultimate expression of the Lord's message to us that we matter to Him and that he loves us.
Whew! There ya have it folks...5 things unveiled.
FROM:
Monday, November 28, 2011
The Importance of a Light bulb
In my home this year, the Saturday after Thanksgiving was spent getting the Christmas decorations out and ready to go. We decided to put up the artificial tree we bought last year after New Years. We got a HUGE deal on that expensive item and now we get to enjoy it this Christmas.
When Hubby and I opened the box, we found three pieces of fake tree to slightly assemble. Not too hard, really. The pretend Fir comes with multicolored lights attached so no more untangling gobs of stringed bulbs. Yay!
7 ft. tree assembled, check. Limbs and branches spread out to look authentic, check. Lights lit and working, nope. Okay, I exaggerate. It was one little section. Figures.
Ya know that elation you feel right before you know you will experience joy? Only it is deflated the moment the disappointing reality occurs? Yep, that pretty much describes the feeling we got when we expected the tree to be fully lit.
Not willing to be defeated by a few light bulbs, we worked as a team to figure out if it was a fuse or one bulb causing the problem. All the while being interrupted by sweet, curious eyes or a voice coming from the other room. "I want to put on an ormant." That's Schafer's version of ornament.
When we tried both options and had failed, we felt like banishing the synthetic joy killer, but ya know what I did? I prayed.
I have always struggled with bothering the Lord over petty requests and this one might be the most pitiful, but I wanted our tree to work. I wanted my children to experience this tradition. My small prayer went like this:
Lord, you say that we can ask you anything in your name. Please help us find a solution, as I want this tree to work. Please fix our tree.
I let out a sigh and SERIOUSLY I touched one of the defective light bulbs and to my amazement, the unlit section turned on!!! Chris was like, "What, all you did was touch the red one?" I told him that I prayed.
What a loving God we have. I immediately thanked the Lord for his blessing.
We got a step stool for Schafer and he put on his first ornament for the first time. He beamed from ear to ear with pride of his accomplishment. Thank you again Lord was silently running in my head. See the finished piece below:
Did my faith (sometimes the size of a salt grain) help me receive the blessing of a fully lit, fully ornamented tree? I don't know. Maybe it had nothing to do with my faith and more to do with teaching me that I can ask the Lord for help in ALL THINGS.
God may not answer all of my requests the way I ask for them (I am sure that is a good thing), but I can still ask.
It is okay to ask.
I need to quit thinking that the Lord thinks I am ridiculous or that he is too busy to deal with my insignificant afflictions. I worry that he will look at all my begging with disdain. That he will tire of my selfish desires.
It doesn't matter how sinful or selfish I am because God doesn't tire of me.
He loves me. All of me. He cares for and about me. He isn't the kind of God who wants me to only experience suffering, disappointment and pain.
His word says,...he rescued me because he delights in me." Psalm 18:19
The Lord delights in us. Even enough to consider the importance of a light bulb.
When Hubby and I opened the box, we found three pieces of fake tree to slightly assemble. Not too hard, really. The pretend Fir comes with multicolored lights attached so no more untangling gobs of stringed bulbs. Yay!
7 ft. tree assembled, check. Limbs and branches spread out to look authentic, check. Lights lit and working, nope. Okay, I exaggerate. It was one little section. Figures.
Ya know that elation you feel right before you know you will experience joy? Only it is deflated the moment the disappointing reality occurs? Yep, that pretty much describes the feeling we got when we expected the tree to be fully lit.
Not willing to be defeated by a few light bulbs, we worked as a team to figure out if it was a fuse or one bulb causing the problem. All the while being interrupted by sweet, curious eyes or a voice coming from the other room. "I want to put on an ormant." That's Schafer's version of ornament.
When we tried both options and had failed, we felt like banishing the synthetic joy killer, but ya know what I did? I prayed.
I have always struggled with bothering the Lord over petty requests and this one might be the most pitiful, but I wanted our tree to work. I wanted my children to experience this tradition. My small prayer went like this:
Lord, you say that we can ask you anything in your name. Please help us find a solution, as I want this tree to work. Please fix our tree.
I let out a sigh and SERIOUSLY I touched one of the defective light bulbs and to my amazement, the unlit section turned on!!! Chris was like, "What, all you did was touch the red one?" I told him that I prayed.
What a loving God we have. I immediately thanked the Lord for his blessing.
We got a step stool for Schafer and he put on his first ornament for the first time. He beamed from ear to ear with pride of his accomplishment. Thank you again Lord was silently running in my head. See the finished piece below:
Did my faith (sometimes the size of a salt grain) help me receive the blessing of a fully lit, fully ornamented tree? I don't know. Maybe it had nothing to do with my faith and more to do with teaching me that I can ask the Lord for help in ALL THINGS.
God may not answer all of my requests the way I ask for them (I am sure that is a good thing), but I can still ask.
It is okay to ask.
I need to quit thinking that the Lord thinks I am ridiculous or that he is too busy to deal with my insignificant afflictions. I worry that he will look at all my begging with disdain. That he will tire of my selfish desires.
It doesn't matter how sinful or selfish I am because God doesn't tire of me.
He loves me. All of me. He cares for and about me. He isn't the kind of God who wants me to only experience suffering, disappointment and pain.
His word says,...he rescued me because he delights in me." Psalm 18:19
The Lord delights in us. Even enough to consider the importance of a light bulb.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Where is Jesus?
I had to laugh when I heard my son sing his own version of Are you sleeping? Some of you know it as Frere Jacques (Brother John).
Ya know, "Are you sleeping, Are you sleeping?
Brother John, Brother John?
Morning Bells are ringing, Morning Bells are ringing.
Ding-Dong-Ding, Ding-Dong-Ding."
Well, Schafer's version is:
Where is Jesus? Where is Jesus?
In the air, in the air...
That was all he sang, but his made-up version made me realize that I am guilty of singing the first line in the tune.
Where is Jesus?
Sometimes I wonder especially when I am struggling. When I find myself going back and forth like a bell (back and forth from one emotion to the next). Ding-Dong-Ding (or just a ding-dong, ha-ha).
Where is that voice, the clarity or hope? Silence. Why silence?
Is it wrong to want to experience a "burning bush" or a Damascus moment?
Sometimes I think the people in the Bible were privileged and lucky. They saw angels and knew they were angels, they experienced the parting of the Red Sea, God spoke directly to them by calling out their name or spoke from the clouds in a clear, audible voice.
Why can't I hear God's booming voice from the clouds?
Naturally, I blame myself. I have tried hard to listen. Cleared my mind, sat in silence alone. But, it seems that God's voice is hoarse that day or He is busy.
I tell myself that my faith is just not strong enough or maybe when heaven was handing out the hearing devices to help one hear God's voice I received a defective one?
Lies, Lies, I believe.
In my desperate trials, confusion and questioning, I will often sit alone and cry out, no it is more like BEG God to talk to me. I am not saying that God has not used His word or some other person to speak to me, but what gives me grief is how little in my life I have truly heard him. I can only confidently say that I believe and know I have heard him twice. NOT booming, but a whisper.
I wonder why? Why does it seem so hard to hear God? I always feel like listening for His voice is one of the hardest aspects of my relationship with Him. And discerning His will comes in at a tie for the other difficult part of the relationship.
Christianity is NOT for wimps. What I am learning is that it is really about having faith even when I don't hear him. Believing the Lord has my back. He really is on my side. His will WILL BE done(even if I am spiritually deaf).
It comes down to trusting that He loves me enough to speak to me even if it isn't audible. Oh, that is hard to accept.
He loves ME enough. His love IS enough.
Where is Jesus? In the air? Sort of. In my life, my soul? Always.
Ya know, "Are you sleeping, Are you sleeping?
Brother John, Brother John?
Morning Bells are ringing, Morning Bells are ringing.
Ding-Dong-Ding, Ding-Dong-Ding."
Well, Schafer's version is:
Where is Jesus? Where is Jesus?
In the air, in the air...
That was all he sang, but his made-up version made me realize that I am guilty of singing the first line in the tune.
Where is Jesus?
Sometimes I wonder especially when I am struggling. When I find myself going back and forth like a bell (back and forth from one emotion to the next). Ding-Dong-Ding (or just a ding-dong, ha-ha).
Where is that voice, the clarity or hope? Silence. Why silence?
Is it wrong to want to experience a "burning bush" or a Damascus moment?
Sometimes I think the people in the Bible were privileged and lucky. They saw angels and knew they were angels, they experienced the parting of the Red Sea, God spoke directly to them by calling out their name or spoke from the clouds in a clear, audible voice.
Why can't I hear God's booming voice from the clouds?
Naturally, I blame myself. I have tried hard to listen. Cleared my mind, sat in silence alone. But, it seems that God's voice is hoarse that day or He is busy.
I tell myself that my faith is just not strong enough or maybe when heaven was handing out the hearing devices to help one hear God's voice I received a defective one?
Lies, Lies, I believe.
In my desperate trials, confusion and questioning, I will often sit alone and cry out, no it is more like BEG God to talk to me. I am not saying that God has not used His word or some other person to speak to me, but what gives me grief is how little in my life I have truly heard him. I can only confidently say that I believe and know I have heard him twice. NOT booming, but a whisper.
I wonder why? Why does it seem so hard to hear God? I always feel like listening for His voice is one of the hardest aspects of my relationship with Him. And discerning His will comes in at a tie for the other difficult part of the relationship.
Christianity is NOT for wimps. What I am learning is that it is really about having faith even when I don't hear him. Believing the Lord has my back. He really is on my side. His will WILL BE done(even if I am spiritually deaf).
It comes down to trusting that He loves me enough to speak to me even if it isn't audible. Oh, that is hard to accept.
He loves ME enough. His love IS enough.
Where is Jesus? In the air? Sort of. In my life, my soul? Always.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Thanksgiving a little early.
Even though Thanksgiving is next Thursday, I am getting SO excited. I love this time of year. Cool, autumn air, crisp leaves and pumpkin recipes!! Plus, I know Christmas is not too far away.
I don't really care about the food (even though it is tasty) as much as the memories, so I wanted to share one memory with my boys that recently happened. We made turkey hands and the result is just too darn cute and will forever be etched in my heart and mind. Check out how Grant's turkey seems to be chasing Schafer's. Truly precious.
See picture below:
I remember one special Thanksgiving with my husband's family. We stayed in Estes Park, Colorado and I was VERY pregnant with Schafer. It was the first time I got to meet my nephew, William (who was 6 months old then) and I made him laugh by simply clicking my tongue.
I believe it was the first time I introduced my southern style of Thanksgiving food to my hubby's family and they really enjoyed it. I made Southern-Style Green Beans with bacon, and Dressing (we don't call it stuffing in the south because we don't cook it in the turkey and it is not made with only white bread). I learned all of this from my mommy. She was such a good cook and I am grateful that I received some of her recipes as well as my Mamaw's too before they left this earth.
This year I will make the Dressing and another dish I am famous for: Hominy Casserole. I am not really sure why Dressing is called Dressing. I guess because it dresses the turkey really well?
I decided to share my Mom's Dressing recipe on here if anyone would like to try it. It is actually surprisingly EASY! So I hope you enjoy it!
Deb's (DeLynn's) famous Southern Dressing recipe:
Cornbread (boxed or homemade) cooked
4-8 slices of white bread (torn into pieces)
4-8 stalks of celery
1 medium white onion
4-6 raw eggs (can use egg substitute)
Broth-Turkey or chicken
Sage and Poultry seasoning to taste
Salt and Pepper to taste
Optional: One regular sized tube of sage sausage
Boil celery and onion in water and add a 1/2 tsp of poultry seasoning. Cook until tender. Meanwhile, cook sausage until done. In a 9x13 aluminum or similar baking pan, crumble cornbread and mix with white bread. Add onion and celery, mix well. Add sausage, mix well. Add broth until the dressing is wet, but not soupy. You want to thin the dressing but not make it too wet or dry. Add seasonings and taste. When you can taste the seasonings and salt and pepper, stop adding them. Add eggs to hold dressing together, mix well. Bake at 350 for about an hour. Check dressing in the first 45 minutes. It will usually crack on top. Cut middle with a knife and check consistency. If it is firm like cake and comes out clean then, it is done.
ENJOY!
There is so much to be thankful for this year and my heart almost bursts as I think about all the gifts the Lord has given me: Beautiful sons, a loving husband, great In-laws, a nice home, GOOD HEALTH, incredible views, a chance to be home with the boys, truth about who I really am,readers for my blog ;) and so much more!
From my heart to yours, I hope you have a very thankful, fun and happy Thanksgiving!
I don't really care about the food (even though it is tasty) as much as the memories, so I wanted to share one memory with my boys that recently happened. We made turkey hands and the result is just too darn cute and will forever be etched in my heart and mind. Check out how Grant's turkey seems to be chasing Schafer's. Truly precious.
See picture below:
I remember one special Thanksgiving with my husband's family. We stayed in Estes Park, Colorado and I was VERY pregnant with Schafer. It was the first time I got to meet my nephew, William (who was 6 months old then) and I made him laugh by simply clicking my tongue.
I believe it was the first time I introduced my southern style of Thanksgiving food to my hubby's family and they really enjoyed it. I made Southern-Style Green Beans with bacon, and Dressing (we don't call it stuffing in the south because we don't cook it in the turkey and it is not made with only white bread). I learned all of this from my mommy. She was such a good cook and I am grateful that I received some of her recipes as well as my Mamaw's too before they left this earth.
This year I will make the Dressing and another dish I am famous for: Hominy Casserole. I am not really sure why Dressing is called Dressing. I guess because it dresses the turkey really well?
I decided to share my Mom's Dressing recipe on here if anyone would like to try it. It is actually surprisingly EASY! So I hope you enjoy it!
Deb's (DeLynn's) famous Southern Dressing recipe:
Cornbread (boxed or homemade) cooked
4-8 slices of white bread (torn into pieces)
4-8 stalks of celery
1 medium white onion
4-6 raw eggs (can use egg substitute)
Broth-Turkey or chicken
Sage and Poultry seasoning to taste
Salt and Pepper to taste
Optional: One regular sized tube of sage sausage
Boil celery and onion in water and add a 1/2 tsp of poultry seasoning. Cook until tender. Meanwhile, cook sausage until done. In a 9x13 aluminum or similar baking pan, crumble cornbread and mix with white bread. Add onion and celery, mix well. Add sausage, mix well. Add broth until the dressing is wet, but not soupy. You want to thin the dressing but not make it too wet or dry. Add seasonings and taste. When you can taste the seasonings and salt and pepper, stop adding them. Add eggs to hold dressing together, mix well. Bake at 350 for about an hour. Check dressing in the first 45 minutes. It will usually crack on top. Cut middle with a knife and check consistency. If it is firm like cake and comes out clean then, it is done.
ENJOY!
There is so much to be thankful for this year and my heart almost bursts as I think about all the gifts the Lord has given me: Beautiful sons, a loving husband, great In-laws, a nice home, GOOD HEALTH, incredible views, a chance to be home with the boys, truth about who I really am,readers for my blog ;) and so much more!
From my heart to yours, I hope you have a very thankful, fun and happy Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Tuesday's Trivial Pursuits
I am full of trivial trivia. I know facts and such that most people could care less about or these facts won't help with the SAT or MCAT.
Anyhoo, I thought it would still be fun to share some of what is in my head.
(if you dare to go there).
DID YOU KNOW...
A cashew is actually NOT a nut? It is a seed grown on the cashew tree.
Peanut butter really does take the sticky out of gum so you can get it out of your hair? (Happened to me when I was about 7 or 8). Better than a hair cut gone awry.
The pilgrims did not have belts or buckles on their clothing because those items were not invented yet? They did have wild turkey though at their feast. (smile)
Many coffee companies use chemicals such as ethyl acetate to remove caffeine from coffee? And about 2-3 percent of caffeine still remains. There are non-chemical methods available so stick with organic coffee and find out what method your favorite company uses.
Clothing companies lie about pant/jean sizes? So if you are happy being a size six, then you might be closer to an eight. --Depressing and annoying, I know!
You are taxed by the government AFTER you die? That means any inheritance you leave your relatives will be taxed and have to go to the government first. So if you left 100,000 and the tax percent was 60% then your family would receive 40,000!! Ludicrous. I am helping to kill the death tax. --You can just keep your money out of a bank, but then it isn't invested to do more for you or your loved ones.
If you heat your eyelash curler with a blow dryer (be careful not to burn) you can make your eyelashes really curl and pop?
OKAY, now it is YOUR turn. Share your family-friendly tidbit, trivia or fun fact.
Anyhoo, I thought it would still be fun to share some of what is in my head.
(if you dare to go there).
DID YOU KNOW...
A cashew is actually NOT a nut? It is a seed grown on the cashew tree.
Peanut butter really does take the sticky out of gum so you can get it out of your hair? (Happened to me when I was about 7 or 8). Better than a hair cut gone awry.
The pilgrims did not have belts or buckles on their clothing because those items were not invented yet? They did have wild turkey though at their feast. (smile)
Many coffee companies use chemicals such as ethyl acetate to remove caffeine from coffee? And about 2-3 percent of caffeine still remains. There are non-chemical methods available so stick with organic coffee and find out what method your favorite company uses.
Clothing companies lie about pant/jean sizes? So if you are happy being a size six, then you might be closer to an eight. --Depressing and annoying, I know!
You are taxed by the government AFTER you die? That means any inheritance you leave your relatives will be taxed and have to go to the government first. So if you left 100,000 and the tax percent was 60% then your family would receive 40,000!! Ludicrous. I am helping to kill the death tax. --You can just keep your money out of a bank, but then it isn't invested to do more for you or your loved ones.
If you heat your eyelash curler with a blow dryer (be careful not to burn) you can make your eyelashes really curl and pop?
OKAY, now it is YOUR turn. Share your family-friendly tidbit, trivia or fun fact.
Monday, November 14, 2011
An end to childhood...
FROM Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop:
Write about the event that was the end of your childhood.
Bits and pieces of my childhood were stolen from me so it is hard to define one event that actually ended it. It would seem forced and cliche if I said the day I left home and went to college or when I did adult things such as getting a job, getting married or having sexual intimacy for the first time.
Childhood is defined as the range from birth to adolescence and is further broken up into stages. I think that each time something happened to end a stage is when a little of my days of youth began to vanish.
I don't know about you, but I don't remember my toddler years. Since I am a mom, I can speculate that at some point I had to give up the pacifier, the bottle and diapers. I wonder if I relinquished those items easily or if I whined, cried and had a terrible time with those losses. It meant having to grow up and move on to the preschooler phase.
A couple of months ago, my youngest son gave up the "just before" bed bottle and he didn't resist much. However, when handed over to others while I go to MOPS, he still protest a little with a slight whimper. I have to admit that this makes me not want to hand him over; I don't really want him to grow up.
I know that going to Kindergarten was the end of my preschool stage. I DID NOT want to go. I enjoyed being home with my mom. In fact, I preferred it. What is funny is that I attended Kindergarten half-time! Still, I do remember crying and even being afraid of my teacher. She had a husky voice and was huge.
This part of my story gets personal. First, my parents divorced. I was forced to accept the reality that life is full of changes and disappointments. More loss meant more loss of being a child.
Also, during this prepubescent stage, others in my life chose to be abusive towards me or they involved me in activities where I was not old enough to give consent. I didn't tell my parents at the time because I thought I would get into trouble. I believed I had done something wrong.
You would think that this end of innocence was the finale of my childhood, but my faith in the Lord helped me forgive just enough to keep my adolescence.
So what DID end my childhood?
The realization that my parents weren't perfect. When they decided to cut the apron strings before I even graduated high school. Betrayal, deceit, lies, a suicide, abandonment. When ALL the responsibility fell on me.
When I chose to become an adult.
Write about the event that was the end of your childhood.
Bits and pieces of my childhood were stolen from me so it is hard to define one event that actually ended it. It would seem forced and cliche if I said the day I left home and went to college or when I did adult things such as getting a job, getting married or having sexual intimacy for the first time.
Childhood is defined as the range from birth to adolescence and is further broken up into stages. I think that each time something happened to end a stage is when a little of my days of youth began to vanish.
I don't know about you, but I don't remember my toddler years. Since I am a mom, I can speculate that at some point I had to give up the pacifier, the bottle and diapers. I wonder if I relinquished those items easily or if I whined, cried and had a terrible time with those losses. It meant having to grow up and move on to the preschooler phase.
A couple of months ago, my youngest son gave up the "just before" bed bottle and he didn't resist much. However, when handed over to others while I go to MOPS, he still protest a little with a slight whimper. I have to admit that this makes me not want to hand him over; I don't really want him to grow up.
I know that going to Kindergarten was the end of my preschool stage. I DID NOT want to go. I enjoyed being home with my mom. In fact, I preferred it. What is funny is that I attended Kindergarten half-time! Still, I do remember crying and even being afraid of my teacher. She had a husky voice and was huge.
This part of my story gets personal. First, my parents divorced. I was forced to accept the reality that life is full of changes and disappointments. More loss meant more loss of being a child.
Also, during this prepubescent stage, others in my life chose to be abusive towards me or they involved me in activities where I was not old enough to give consent. I didn't tell my parents at the time because I thought I would get into trouble. I believed I had done something wrong.
You would think that this end of innocence was the finale of my childhood, but my faith in the Lord helped me forgive just enough to keep my adolescence.
So what DID end my childhood?
The realization that my parents weren't perfect. When they decided to cut the apron strings before I even graduated high school. Betrayal, deceit, lies, a suicide, abandonment. When ALL the responsibility fell on me.
When I chose to become an adult.
Friday, November 11, 2011
It's Friday...Ready,Set, Lighthouse!!
It's Friday. It is 6 am. It's a chilly morning. I am cold (even though the house heater is on). Do I want to get out of a comfy, warm bed? Um...NO! But it is Friday...smile. I just need to do the motivator chant of Ready, Set, Lighthouse!!
Okay, before you think I have lost it for sure this time I am actually talking about my lighthouse. Yes, I own one. In the Virgin Islands or Hawaii, you ask? NOPE. I have it with me right now. (You are looking bewildered and trying to stifle a nervous giggle aren't you)?
Where did I get my lighthouse? I got it for FREE! Around high school. When it was offered to me, I asked for it confidently and sincerely. I did not have to throw a fit, pout, or whine to get it. That's good because I look terrible, foolish and wrinkly when I don't get what I want.
My lighthouse is so precious to me. Sometimes I say or do things to dim it a bit and if I am not careful, I might put it out at times. Not smart, I tell ya. Many times I have been in the middle of crashing waves where it was VERY dark and the hope of my lighthouse was about all that would keep me afloat!
I can't imagine life without it. I would be a hopeless mess.
The day I asked Jesus into my heart, to come live inside of me was the day I received my lighthouse. My soul is the place that "houses" a part of the light(Jesus).
What a privilege! I get to host the most incredible God! He actually chooses to dwell in me!!!
That just makes me want to run outside my house (in the cold mind you) and joyfully bellow, "God is my lighthouse...he lives in me...He lights my way...I am overwhelmed with gratitude...hey, neighbors (not all of them...some have lighthouses too) don't you want a lighthouse too?" --Someone would probably call the cops.
I know, I am getting carried away here, but anyone who knows me knows that's my nature. Plus, a little "safe" crazy does everyone good.
Shouldn't we WANT to tell this incredible truth? Yell it out until our voice is numb?
Ya know, real lighthouses are places many people like to tour while on vacation. That is because they are intriguing, a unique structure that guides those who need to see the dangers that lie ahead of them. They are a part of our history. They are invaluable to sailors. We can help attract that same interest to our lighthouse if we choose...
Back to getting out of bed on a chilly Friday...I have a choice on how I am going to face this day. I can acknowledge my lighthouse, turn on its' light and allow it to shine or I can ignore it and stay in the dark.
I chose to acknowledge it this morning by dancing in a very silly manner to my husband as he pulled out of the drive way. Hey, he needed a bit of humor before facing middle- schoolers! I chose it by lovingly encouraging my little boys to wake up and play.
You see, my lighthouse made me who I am. It continues to change me, making me better and it helps "light my way." It gently directs me to safety and gives me hope in dark situations. I will never regret accepting the gift of a lighthouse.
I don't want to be a dark house.
Do you have a lighthouse? Do you want a lighthouse?
Okay, before you think I have lost it for sure this time I am actually talking about my lighthouse. Yes, I own one. In the Virgin Islands or Hawaii, you ask? NOPE. I have it with me right now. (You are looking bewildered and trying to stifle a nervous giggle aren't you)?
Where did I get my lighthouse? I got it for FREE! Around high school. When it was offered to me, I asked for it confidently and sincerely. I did not have to throw a fit, pout, or whine to get it. That's good because I look terrible, foolish and wrinkly when I don't get what I want.
My lighthouse is so precious to me. Sometimes I say or do things to dim it a bit and if I am not careful, I might put it out at times. Not smart, I tell ya. Many times I have been in the middle of crashing waves where it was VERY dark and the hope of my lighthouse was about all that would keep me afloat!
I can't imagine life without it. I would be a hopeless mess.
The day I asked Jesus into my heart, to come live inside of me was the day I received my lighthouse. My soul is the place that "houses" a part of the light(Jesus).
What a privilege! I get to host the most incredible God! He actually chooses to dwell in me!!!
That just makes me want to run outside my house (in the cold mind you) and joyfully bellow, "God is my lighthouse...he lives in me...He lights my way...I am overwhelmed with gratitude...hey, neighbors (not all of them...some have lighthouses too) don't you want a lighthouse too?" --Someone would probably call the cops.
I know, I am getting carried away here, but anyone who knows me knows that's my nature. Plus, a little "safe" crazy does everyone good.
Shouldn't we WANT to tell this incredible truth? Yell it out until our voice is numb?
Ya know, real lighthouses are places many people like to tour while on vacation. That is because they are intriguing, a unique structure that guides those who need to see the dangers that lie ahead of them. They are a part of our history. They are invaluable to sailors. We can help attract that same interest to our lighthouse if we choose...
Back to getting out of bed on a chilly Friday...I have a choice on how I am going to face this day. I can acknowledge my lighthouse, turn on its' light and allow it to shine or I can ignore it and stay in the dark.
I chose to acknowledge it this morning by dancing in a very silly manner to my husband as he pulled out of the drive way. Hey, he needed a bit of humor before facing middle- schoolers! I chose it by lovingly encouraging my little boys to wake up and play.
You see, my lighthouse made me who I am. It continues to change me, making me better and it helps "light my way." It gently directs me to safety and gives me hope in dark situations. I will never regret accepting the gift of a lighthouse.
I don't want to be a dark house.
Do you have a lighthouse? Do you want a lighthouse?
Sunday, November 6, 2011
One-sided perspective of self
I sat next to a new, woman friend and listened to her shocked comment, "Oh god" as another woman introduced her two-week old son. The woman looked like she didn't even have a kid. No, she was not model thin, but there was little evidence of a recent pregnancy.
My heart saddened a bit as I realized I was thinking what my friend said. Women are just guilty of comparing our looks, weight, or other outer appearance against the ladies we encounter. I wonder if we feel threatened?
Why do we do this ourselves and to others? Well, I am certainly no expert, but I will share my heart and thoughts.
I have been ridiculed from the time I left my mother's womb. I was consistently criticized as a child. Whether it was my posture, or my too sensitive nature something was always off. Or the other side was being ignored or made fun of...How can one have good self-esteem or worth when fighting those behaviors?
Maybe you didn't experience this at all or much as a child. Maybe yours has to do with men? Ya know, I don't think men realize how much we struggle to get them to notice us. Even if that is just for your hubby...we all like to feel attractive don't we? Doesn't that make us feel a bit valued? C'mon, I am being honest here. Feeling unattractive is not on most people's priority list.
So if that is not it...tell me what is? Why do we compare? Why do we all in our own way execute some sort of beauty ritual to look good?
Think diet, exercise, starving self, expensive haircuts, highlights, dyes, lots of tweezing, shaving tender spots (ouch), perfumes, make-up and manicures.
Hopefully at least a small part of ourselves does something for our bodies for hygiene and health.
I know that I exercise for energy not just weight management.
I will freely admit on here that I struggle with my appearance. I don't see myself the way others do. I have a one-sided perspective of self.
Can this part of me be changed? I am not sure that enough compliments would do the trick. Other people can never criticize me again or say I am perfect and that wouldn't stop my twisted belief of myself. I wouldn't believe them anyway. Ya know why? Because what needs to change is my heart and my thoughts in my head.
I need to take responsibility for what I say to myself and what I believe about me. So one thing I am doing is a bible study called, Me, Myself and Lies by Jennifer Rothschild. It is helping. I am learning to replace my thoughts about me with God's thoughts. What He says about me is true. I just have to believe it. I am committed to this because I am too hard on myself.
I need a God-sided perspective of me.
Anyone else struggling with this?
My heart saddened a bit as I realized I was thinking what my friend said. Women are just guilty of comparing our looks, weight, or other outer appearance against the ladies we encounter. I wonder if we feel threatened?
Why do we do this ourselves and to others? Well, I am certainly no expert, but I will share my heart and thoughts.
I have been ridiculed from the time I left my mother's womb. I was consistently criticized as a child. Whether it was my posture, or my too sensitive nature something was always off. Or the other side was being ignored or made fun of...How can one have good self-esteem or worth when fighting those behaviors?
Maybe you didn't experience this at all or much as a child. Maybe yours has to do with men? Ya know, I don't think men realize how much we struggle to get them to notice us. Even if that is just for your hubby...we all like to feel attractive don't we? Doesn't that make us feel a bit valued? C'mon, I am being honest here. Feeling unattractive is not on most people's priority list.
So if that is not it...tell me what is? Why do we compare? Why do we all in our own way execute some sort of beauty ritual to look good?
Think diet, exercise, starving self, expensive haircuts, highlights, dyes, lots of tweezing, shaving tender spots (ouch), perfumes, make-up and manicures.
Hopefully at least a small part of ourselves does something for our bodies for hygiene and health.
I know that I exercise for energy not just weight management.
I will freely admit on here that I struggle with my appearance. I don't see myself the way others do. I have a one-sided perspective of self.
Can this part of me be changed? I am not sure that enough compliments would do the trick. Other people can never criticize me again or say I am perfect and that wouldn't stop my twisted belief of myself. I wouldn't believe them anyway. Ya know why? Because what needs to change is my heart and my thoughts in my head.
I need to take responsibility for what I say to myself and what I believe about me. So one thing I am doing is a bible study called, Me, Myself and Lies by Jennifer Rothschild. It is helping. I am learning to replace my thoughts about me with God's thoughts. What He says about me is true. I just have to believe it. I am committed to this because I am too hard on myself.
I need a God-sided perspective of me.
Anyone else struggling with this?
Friday, November 4, 2011
Immunized?
Yesterday, we all got our annual flu shots. It's that time of year for mean little bugs to inflict their tortuous symptoms; they make us all feel miserable. Well, at least getting a flu vaccine will fight a few. I was proud of how my almost 4 and 2 year old boys handled it. Grant made a slight whimper, but I think our lack of panic, oh no reaction really helped, plus a bit of praise during and afterward seemed to help too.
For now, we are temporarily immunized against some of the more terrible winter sicknesses to get. Too bad we can't permanently avoid them. Yes, our world has come a long way in protecting us from the often fatal diseases of Polio and Small Pox and from the pesky Measles, Mumps, etc.
Ya know, when we ask Jesus to come live in our hearts and be our Savior in a sense we are spiritually vaccinated from the deadly consequence of separation from the Lord for eternity, but it is too bad we can't be immunized permanently from sinning. Sure, we can be delivered from sin such as addictions, but then our minds or hearts are distracted once again to some other temptation and we all too often act on it.
Does that annoy anyone else? Like constant runny noses or dry coughs? The fact that no matter how often or thoroughly we "wash our hands" from the sinful desires that plague us or how we try to avoid "exposure" to the nasty little tyrants (sins that is) we always manage at some point to fall victim to them!!
Like when I choose to lose my temper and yell at my children or Chris, my hubby. When I make a snide remark in my head (yes, thoughts count too!).
Like illnesses, sin is contagious too. Ever notice that when you are around someone who is sinning (whether intentional or not) that it is hard not to catch the bug? Maybe that particular sin doesn't affect you. Maybe your body built up an immunity to it thru being led by the spirit instead of the flesh (See Galatians 5:16-25), but somehow their sin brings on a sneeze. Meaning, you don't act like them instead you sin your way. Ugggh, again!
Yet, there is hope! The Psalmist says in 130:3-4,7-8 "If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared...Put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins."
Hallelujah! Hope in words! I can always use a bit of hope, can't you?
We serve an incredible, loving, merciful and graceful God and his word in our hearts, mind and ears should ring of joy, peace, and freedom.
Let's face it, we aren't going to stop sinning, but we can let the Lord do his work. We can pray for deliverance, for healing, to not do a sin, but we can't take it away. We must be led by the spirit. We have to trust God to redeem.
Yes, I am eating my own words at the moment and washing my hands of a behavior I just did before writing this blog.
However, I am free and I choose to be led by the spirit. To trust Christ to work in me and change me. What about you?
For now, we are temporarily immunized against some of the more terrible winter sicknesses to get. Too bad we can't permanently avoid them. Yes, our world has come a long way in protecting us from the often fatal diseases of Polio and Small Pox and from the pesky Measles, Mumps, etc.
Ya know, when we ask Jesus to come live in our hearts and be our Savior in a sense we are spiritually vaccinated from the deadly consequence of separation from the Lord for eternity, but it is too bad we can't be immunized permanently from sinning. Sure, we can be delivered from sin such as addictions, but then our minds or hearts are distracted once again to some other temptation and we all too often act on it.
Does that annoy anyone else? Like constant runny noses or dry coughs? The fact that no matter how often or thoroughly we "wash our hands" from the sinful desires that plague us or how we try to avoid "exposure" to the nasty little tyrants (sins that is) we always manage at some point to fall victim to them!!
Like when I choose to lose my temper and yell at my children or Chris, my hubby. When I make a snide remark in my head (yes, thoughts count too!).
Like illnesses, sin is contagious too. Ever notice that when you are around someone who is sinning (whether intentional or not) that it is hard not to catch the bug? Maybe that particular sin doesn't affect you. Maybe your body built up an immunity to it thru being led by the spirit instead of the flesh (See Galatians 5:16-25), but somehow their sin brings on a sneeze. Meaning, you don't act like them instead you sin your way. Ugggh, again!
Yet, there is hope! The Psalmist says in 130:3-4,7-8 "If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared...Put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins."
Hallelujah! Hope in words! I can always use a bit of hope, can't you?
We serve an incredible, loving, merciful and graceful God and his word in our hearts, mind and ears should ring of joy, peace, and freedom.
Let's face it, we aren't going to stop sinning, but we can let the Lord do his work. We can pray for deliverance, for healing, to not do a sin, but we can't take it away. We must be led by the spirit. We have to trust God to redeem.
Yes, I am eating my own words at the moment and washing my hands of a behavior I just did before writing this blog.
However, I am free and I choose to be led by the spirit. To trust Christ to work in me and change me. What about you?
Monday, October 31, 2011
Unseen
After putting gas in my car and buying dry ice to keep the Blue Bell Ice Cream from melting, I started my journey back home from Ft. Collins. I needed a weekend to see my friends, to not be a mom for a few days. By the end of my trip, I was ready to get back and see my children and hubby. What I did not know was that a life lesson was waiting for me on my road trip.
Interstate 70 (heading West), yet again, was closed at Copper Mountain. A Haz Mat truck had an accident. In order to get home, I would have to take a pretty significant detour that would put me just outside of Vail, CO., but back on I-70 at least.
This lovely side way added an extra two hours to my normally 5 hour drive. Ugggh!
I decided to try to be positive and thought in my head that I would get to see the oh so tiny towns of Leadville and Minturn and more snow-capped mountains. The mountains were pretty.
The road was your typical two-lane and I got stuck behind slow trucks, Yay! As I was approaching Minturn all the traffic came to a nice halt. For an hour, in the dark, I barely moved and saw many people celebrating Halloween a day early. I admit I felt some impatience and frustration. Who wouldn't? I had a leg cramp and felt drowsy. Not good since I still had 2 more hours before I would be home! The town's little fiesta was costing me and of course I needed somebody or something to blame. In fairness, they actually were the cause to my delay.
I started to talk to the Lord. I asked Him if He could speed things up a bit. Thanked Him for my trip and the answered prayers of helping me see that He has me right where He wants me. That I could let Ft. Collins go now.
In the middle of my soft tears and thankfulness His still voice said, "True faith is in the unseen."
I couldn't see what the delay was in Minturn. I had NO IDEA what was causing the hold up. Why I needed to wait. All I knew was that I knew nothing. Controlled NOTHING! Sure I was irritated, I was human, but I still trusted God to get me thru it.
This is what faith in the unseen looks like. Blind faith. When we can't see what is ahead, we can't control it. When we are in the dark, we are forced to trust every curve, every detour that God is leading us to or from.
I do not know entirely where or even how the Lord is leading me, I don't know about my writing, or what staying home the rest of this year will look like, but what I DO know is that I am beginning to accept Grand Junction as my home and that God is to be trusted EVEN in the unseen.
Interstate 70 (heading West), yet again, was closed at Copper Mountain. A Haz Mat truck had an accident. In order to get home, I would have to take a pretty significant detour that would put me just outside of Vail, CO., but back on I-70 at least.
This lovely side way added an extra two hours to my normally 5 hour drive. Ugggh!
I decided to try to be positive and thought in my head that I would get to see the oh so tiny towns of Leadville and Minturn and more snow-capped mountains. The mountains were pretty.
The road was your typical two-lane and I got stuck behind slow trucks, Yay! As I was approaching Minturn all the traffic came to a nice halt. For an hour, in the dark, I barely moved and saw many people celebrating Halloween a day early. I admit I felt some impatience and frustration. Who wouldn't? I had a leg cramp and felt drowsy. Not good since I still had 2 more hours before I would be home! The town's little fiesta was costing me and of course I needed somebody or something to blame. In fairness, they actually were the cause to my delay.
I started to talk to the Lord. I asked Him if He could speed things up a bit. Thanked Him for my trip and the answered prayers of helping me see that He has me right where He wants me. That I could let Ft. Collins go now.
In the middle of my soft tears and thankfulness His still voice said, "True faith is in the unseen."
I couldn't see what the delay was in Minturn. I had NO IDEA what was causing the hold up. Why I needed to wait. All I knew was that I knew nothing. Controlled NOTHING! Sure I was irritated, I was human, but I still trusted God to get me thru it.
This is what faith in the unseen looks like. Blind faith. When we can't see what is ahead, we can't control it. When we are in the dark, we are forced to trust every curve, every detour that God is leading us to or from.
I do not know entirely where or even how the Lord is leading me, I don't know about my writing, or what staying home the rest of this year will look like, but what I DO know is that I am beginning to accept Grand Junction as my home and that God is to be trusted EVEN in the unseen.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
I don't want to be a shake.
I don't want to be a shake. I don't mind sipping a chocolate one but, it is milky, sticky, and fattening. Yet, it is good and sweet. Most people want a shake, right? I feel guilty usually when I have one, but as the sweet cream and chocolate delight hits my tongue I feel like a child all over again and smile.
A shake though eventually melts if you don't drink it all and then you are down to a soupy, nasty drink. Shakes have to be shaken, well blended to be a shake. They aren't reliable and I always want more.
I don't want to be shaken or blended. I want to be steadfast, secure, reliable and stable not easily shaken. Who wants to be a melted mess anyways?
I find that I am most shaken by my circumstances....okay or when I see a spider crawling on my blanket WHILE I am under it! EEEK! Really, I just rely to heavily on my circumstances (and chocolate) for happiness and hope. Not that I want to and not always, but it is just easy to do so.
Like presently, I think a lot of "If I or If only" statements. I am having one right now, "If I had a good friend here I wouldn't feel so lonely." This may be true, but at times I have been in a room full of friends and still felt deeply lonely.
Placing my hope in the circumstance just doesn't work. Even though I keep trying the same old remedy it just isn't the cure!
I need to put my hope in something that works though. Hope appears 126 times in the bible according to Strong's Exhaustive Concordance. I would say it is a word we should pay attention to and that it is important.
Jennifer Rothschild says in Me, Myself, & Lies, "We all need hope...Tell your soul to hope in God, in His love and in His Word." I choose to fight my fleshy side and put my hope in God alone. This is the only thing that I have seen actually work.
Hope helped my hurting heart trust God that my youngest son would come out of the hospital completely healed and recovered. Praise the Lord that he did. Hope gave me the strength to support my husband's career change. It helped me finished college. Hope has been helping me accept God's will right now and believe He really does have my best in mind.
So when I am feeling a bit blended, shaken not stirred, I gotta look at what I am putting my hope in at the moment. A milkshake (temporary happiness you better believe it)or God?
What about you? What do you put your hope in and is it a hopeless melty milkshake or a hopeful refuge of unfailing love (God)?
A shake though eventually melts if you don't drink it all and then you are down to a soupy, nasty drink. Shakes have to be shaken, well blended to be a shake. They aren't reliable and I always want more.
I don't want to be shaken or blended. I want to be steadfast, secure, reliable and stable not easily shaken. Who wants to be a melted mess anyways?
I find that I am most shaken by my circumstances....okay or when I see a spider crawling on my blanket WHILE I am under it! EEEK! Really, I just rely to heavily on my circumstances (and chocolate) for happiness and hope. Not that I want to and not always, but it is just easy to do so.
Like presently, I think a lot of "If I or If only" statements. I am having one right now, "If I had a good friend here I wouldn't feel so lonely." This may be true, but at times I have been in a room full of friends and still felt deeply lonely.
Placing my hope in the circumstance just doesn't work. Even though I keep trying the same old remedy it just isn't the cure!
I need to put my hope in something that works though. Hope appears 126 times in the bible according to Strong's Exhaustive Concordance. I would say it is a word we should pay attention to and that it is important.
Jennifer Rothschild says in Me, Myself, & Lies, "We all need hope...Tell your soul to hope in God, in His love and in His Word." I choose to fight my fleshy side and put my hope in God alone. This is the only thing that I have seen actually work.
Hope helped my hurting heart trust God that my youngest son would come out of the hospital completely healed and recovered. Praise the Lord that he did. Hope gave me the strength to support my husband's career change. It helped me finished college. Hope has been helping me accept God's will right now and believe He really does have my best in mind.
So when I am feeling a bit blended, shaken not stirred, I gotta look at what I am putting my hope in at the moment. A milkshake (temporary happiness you better believe it)or God?
What about you? What do you put your hope in and is it a hopeless melty milkshake or a hopeful refuge of unfailing love (God)?
Friday, October 21, 2011
I'm a Warm Autumn.
I just found out I am a Warm Autumn. A what? Well, it is based on my skin's undertones, hair and eye color. I look good in spicy, autumn colors, rich hues of gold, yellows, reds, browns and even forest green. It is supposedly the palette that I should choose when I am shopping for clothes, accessories and even make-up. This revelation has been so liberating. I could shout, "I get me finally!" Okay, maybe that is a bit farfetched, but really it explains why pastels look terrible on me as well as black and white together. I am a Warm Autumn and that just doesn't mesh well with those colors.
I guess a part of me has always known that earthy, fall tones and colors compliment me best, yet I am guilty of really trying to attempt all black or a pastel pink(yes, I was the little girl that thought she would be a ballerina). I ended up looking pasty, dull and somehow out of place.
Ever do that? Find yourself trying to be something you are not? Or, maybe it isn't that...maybe it is just that you are trying to hard to make a label go away?
I am not sure if I will ever accept every part of me-good and flawed or that I will ever stop manipulating things or twisting myself to fit a mold that I think is best. However, God sometimes wants us to step out of our own perspectives. Look beyond what seems impossible or just doesn't seem to fit us.
I am usually pretty good about embracing what I think works for me or is best for me, but when God asks me to do or be something that doesn't come naturally, I think He must be kidding.
The day I realized God was asking me to quit my job and stay at home, I thought He was crazy. I couldn't grasp being at home and being fulfilled by that career shift. I am just plain selfish here. I don't understand it now and I wrestle daily with the Lord about how I am the wrong gal for the job. (I have no patience for kneading dough or as in an earlier blog, cleaning up gross things). I sometimes feel like I'm living some other persons' dream, goal or journey.
God is calling me to do this because He doesn't want any other person for the task. He called Moses to help rescue the Israelites from Egypt, Jonah to speak to Nineveh about repenting, Mary to bear Jesus through a virgin birth. Moses (or Mosette would be my name) questioned his self-worth, capability and he was fearful. Jonah just ran. Mary, oh how I need to respond like her with complete faith and obedience...(sometimes I do).
I am scared of what God has called me to be recently and there are days I have to wonder what He is thinking, but I am gonna hold on...Hey, who knows I might knead bread with a smile. (Doubt it, but one can hope). ;)
I guess a part of me has always known that earthy, fall tones and colors compliment me best, yet I am guilty of really trying to attempt all black or a pastel pink(yes, I was the little girl that thought she would be a ballerina). I ended up looking pasty, dull and somehow out of place.
Ever do that? Find yourself trying to be something you are not? Or, maybe it isn't that...maybe it is just that you are trying to hard to make a label go away?
I am not sure if I will ever accept every part of me-good and flawed or that I will ever stop manipulating things or twisting myself to fit a mold that I think is best. However, God sometimes wants us to step out of our own perspectives. Look beyond what seems impossible or just doesn't seem to fit us.
I am usually pretty good about embracing what I think works for me or is best for me, but when God asks me to do or be something that doesn't come naturally, I think He must be kidding.
The day I realized God was asking me to quit my job and stay at home, I thought He was crazy. I couldn't grasp being at home and being fulfilled by that career shift. I am just plain selfish here. I don't understand it now and I wrestle daily with the Lord about how I am the wrong gal for the job. (I have no patience for kneading dough or as in an earlier blog, cleaning up gross things). I sometimes feel like I'm living some other persons' dream, goal or journey.
God is calling me to do this because He doesn't want any other person for the task. He called Moses to help rescue the Israelites from Egypt, Jonah to speak to Nineveh about repenting, Mary to bear Jesus through a virgin birth. Moses (or Mosette would be my name) questioned his self-worth, capability and he was fearful. Jonah just ran. Mary, oh how I need to respond like her with complete faith and obedience...(sometimes I do).
I am scared of what God has called me to be recently and there are days I have to wonder what He is thinking, but I am gonna hold on...Hey, who knows I might knead bread with a smile. (Doubt it, but one can hope). ;)
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
And then there was throw-up...or hope.
On Monday night, my poor three year old was bawling. Sweet hubby ran upstairs while I barely stirred. In my defense, I was exhausted and not feeling so great. As my husband opened the door, he found that Schafer had thrown-up all over the bed. After one more bout, he stopped for the night. I was so sad for him, but will selfishly admit that I was not looking forward to this clean-up, nursing job in the morning.
That morning, I came to his bedroom as he had er, um, let it out the other end all over the bed. I about gagged and I had to say, "Lord, I don't think I can do this." Immediately, I managed to handle it just fine. I was compassionate and made sure he knew that what happened is just a part of life. He never threw up or anything after that and enjoyed a day of pajamas and cartoon videos. LUCKY HIM!
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE SAID THAT? "Lord, I don't think I can do this."
Like when my Mother died, or during both of my labors, when Grant went into the hospital at three weeks old for a horrible case of RSV (nasty little virus) and he could barely breathe. I could barely breathe.
When I lost four people in one year , 2006 and when I realized I would be motherless while becoming a mother. "Lord, I don't think I can do this."
Moving to Grand Junction and the fact that God actually trusted ME to stay at home for this year and watch my two boys! "Lord, I don't think I can do this."
You know what? I CAN'T. That's right. I really cannot do all the hard tasks, trials, errands, and demands that life puts on me.
2 Corinthians 12 Speaks of Paul's thorn (there are many theories as to what this thorn represents)and how he asked the Lord to take it away. But verses 9-10 speak specifically about how the Lord did not take it away because His power is made perfect in weakness. Cleaning up gross things...well, I am weak. It also says, that Paul accepted the Lord's authority, and the hard things because Paul realized that when we are at our weakest we are stronger in God.
We don't have to be able to do it or be strong. We just have to trust Christ through it...that the strength, the ability, the needed change will be there from the Lord Jesus himself. In our weakness, we rely less on ourselves and more on His strength, help and hope.
Oh, and did I mention that my almost two year old played with his poop in the crib?
May the Lord's power be greater in our weaknesses.
That morning, I came to his bedroom as he had er, um, let it out the other end all over the bed. I about gagged and I had to say, "Lord, I don't think I can do this." Immediately, I managed to handle it just fine. I was compassionate and made sure he knew that what happened is just a part of life. He never threw up or anything after that and enjoyed a day of pajamas and cartoon videos. LUCKY HIM!
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE SAID THAT? "Lord, I don't think I can do this."
Like when my Mother died, or during both of my labors, when Grant went into the hospital at three weeks old for a horrible case of RSV (nasty little virus) and he could barely breathe. I could barely breathe.
When I lost four people in one year , 2006 and when I realized I would be motherless while becoming a mother. "Lord, I don't think I can do this."
Moving to Grand Junction and the fact that God actually trusted ME to stay at home for this year and watch my two boys! "Lord, I don't think I can do this."
You know what? I CAN'T. That's right. I really cannot do all the hard tasks, trials, errands, and demands that life puts on me.
2 Corinthians 12 Speaks of Paul's thorn (there are many theories as to what this thorn represents)and how he asked the Lord to take it away. But verses 9-10 speak specifically about how the Lord did not take it away because His power is made perfect in weakness. Cleaning up gross things...well, I am weak. It also says, that Paul accepted the Lord's authority, and the hard things because Paul realized that when we are at our weakest we are stronger in God.
We don't have to be able to do it or be strong. We just have to trust Christ through it...that the strength, the ability, the needed change will be there from the Lord Jesus himself. In our weakness, we rely less on ourselves and more on His strength, help and hope.
Oh, and did I mention that my almost two year old played with his poop in the crib?
May the Lord's power be greater in our weaknesses.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
What's Your Server's Name?
My husband and I went to eat at a local Mexican restaurant. We enjoyed our meal, but when we received our bill we both got tickled as we read that our server's name was Jesus. No, Really! Actually, his name is pronounced "Hey-soos". Now, we are not making fun of this man, his heritage or the Hispanic culture. But, this got me thinking (dangerous, I know).
What if Jesus (the Christ) had really served us that meal? Would we have let Him? I don't know how you feel, but I think I would be uncomfortable maybe even guilty or prideful. Like Peter in John 13:6-8 (When Jesus washed the disciples feet) I would have questioned Jesus' actions and said, "No, you shouldn't be doing that for me."
Jesus replied to Peter by saying, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand...Unless I wash you, you have no part with me." Overzealous, teacher pleasing, prideful Peter basically said, "Then wash all of me!" I can relate.
Jesus was the prime example of a servant! He came to the earth to serve us (save us) for our sake. Whoa! I need to digest that a moment.
God, all powerful, Holy, and all-knowing sent His son out of love to save our souls for eternity (talk about a sacrifice). What a servant!
So am I really serving if I don't sacrifice something? Like Time, energy, my own wants, well you get what I am saying. Most of the time, yes.
I once heard it said that in serving God and others it is not about being selfless, but about bringing less self to the serving. Exactly!
What if Jesus (the Christ) had really served us that meal? Would we have let Him? I don't know how you feel, but I think I would be uncomfortable maybe even guilty or prideful. Like Peter in John 13:6-8 (When Jesus washed the disciples feet) I would have questioned Jesus' actions and said, "No, you shouldn't be doing that for me."
Jesus replied to Peter by saying, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand...Unless I wash you, you have no part with me." Overzealous, teacher pleasing, prideful Peter basically said, "Then wash all of me!" I can relate.
Jesus was the prime example of a servant! He came to the earth to serve us (save us) for our sake. Whoa! I need to digest that a moment.
God, all powerful, Holy, and all-knowing sent His son out of love to save our souls for eternity (talk about a sacrifice). What a servant!
So am I really serving if I don't sacrifice something? Like Time, energy, my own wants, well you get what I am saying. Most of the time, yes.
I once heard it said that in serving God and others it is not about being selfless, but about bringing less self to the serving. Exactly!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Stains of Beauty
This morning I revealed stains. Stains of beauty. Ochre, cream, rust, russet, charcoal, wheat and earth. Okay, I know you might be thinking I have lost my mind if I find stains even remotely pleasing to the eye. Really, what is hidden beneath the Onyx is unique and stunning. Let me explain.
I soaked three gourds in bleach water. The process to clean a gourd is a bit toxic to your health if you are not careful not just because you are using bleach, but because you are clearing away mold. So you must wear a mask to cover your nose and mouth and glasses to shield your face. Not to mention that mold is disgusting, YUCK!
After a bit of soaking, a wire scrubber along with some elbow grease is needed to rid the gourd of the mold. If a gourd is to be used as a decoration, bird house, vase, bowl, or art, then at least for one's well-being it must be washed free from mold.
I like to think that this is what God is doing every time He chooses to not let me stay how I am, covered in mold: bad habits, unkindness, impatience, anger, selfishness, self-loathing, etc. You see, if He is going to use us for something, some specific purpose, then He needs to prepare us. The old self cannot remain. Or the mold like loads of laundry will pile up and crowd what is underneath.
He will purge it out of us so that the outside shines brightly. Much like removing dust from a light so it reveals more light.
Don't we want to reveal more light? How? By letting the Lord love us, change us into what comes out of the scrubbing. Which I don't particularly love because it hurts a bit.
What is even more amazing is that yes, some stains of where we came from and what we have gone through to get to this new form remain, but they are not moldy as before. God restores the elegance that already existed when we were created. What remains is the Lord's artwork.
I soaked three gourds in bleach water. The process to clean a gourd is a bit toxic to your health if you are not careful not just because you are using bleach, but because you are clearing away mold. So you must wear a mask to cover your nose and mouth and glasses to shield your face. Not to mention that mold is disgusting, YUCK!
After a bit of soaking, a wire scrubber along with some elbow grease is needed to rid the gourd of the mold. If a gourd is to be used as a decoration, bird house, vase, bowl, or art, then at least for one's well-being it must be washed free from mold.
I like to think that this is what God is doing every time He chooses to not let me stay how I am, covered in mold: bad habits, unkindness, impatience, anger, selfishness, self-loathing, etc. You see, if He is going to use us for something, some specific purpose, then He needs to prepare us. The old self cannot remain. Or the mold like loads of laundry will pile up and crowd what is underneath.
He will purge it out of us so that the outside shines brightly. Much like removing dust from a light so it reveals more light.
Don't we want to reveal more light? How? By letting the Lord love us, change us into what comes out of the scrubbing. Which I don't particularly love because it hurts a bit.
What is even more amazing is that yes, some stains of where we came from and what we have gone through to get to this new form remain, but they are not moldy as before. God restores the elegance that already existed when we were created. What remains is the Lord's artwork.
Snapshots: Mom In the Midst
Snapshots: Mom In the Midst: As moms, we often find ourselves up to our necks in busyness. We are surrounded by people who need us, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We f...
Friday, April 8, 2011
All I really have...
I can do many things. I can do some things well, but not GREAT. For example, I can cook, run, and throw a ball, but I am NO chef, Olympic runner, or Payton Manning. I know how to draw, but I have rarely sold anything I have created. I am on the thin side, but I will never be a model. WELL, YOU get my point.
BUT, I don't have to be any of those things to be worthy. All I have, all I need I find in the Lord.
I believe this, but it isn't always how I act. Sometimes I think I need all those titles, material things, etc. to matter, but I don't need them. I DO matter. I matter to Christ. I was made, created, I exist because I am supposed to...I have a place in this world. Even all that is sometimes hard to believe let alone act like it is true. However, the Lord says in His word,"Bring all who claim me as their God, for I have made them for my glory. It is I who created them." SWEET...I WAS MADE for HIS glory!! Oh, how thankful I am for that truth.
So...I can love too, but have I loved others, have I loved Christ deeply? Have I loved the best that I can with my human heart and hands? Oh, I hope so!
Isaiah 10:12-13 tells me what gives me worth; what my true purpose is first. "...He requires only that you fear the Lord your God, and live in a way that pleases Him, love Him, serve Him with all your heart and soul. You must always obey the Lord's commands and decrees..."
I am to love God with all of me first! Then, I bet I can love my self and others better.
All I really have, really need is God, my Lord, my Redeemer, My Savior!
BUT, I don't have to be any of those things to be worthy. All I have, all I need I find in the Lord.
I believe this, but it isn't always how I act. Sometimes I think I need all those titles, material things, etc. to matter, but I don't need them. I DO matter. I matter to Christ. I was made, created, I exist because I am supposed to...I have a place in this world. Even all that is sometimes hard to believe let alone act like it is true. However, the Lord says in His word,"Bring all who claim me as their God, for I have made them for my glory. It is I who created them." SWEET...I WAS MADE for HIS glory!! Oh, how thankful I am for that truth.
So...I can love too, but have I loved others, have I loved Christ deeply? Have I loved the best that I can with my human heart and hands? Oh, I hope so!
Isaiah 10:12-13 tells me what gives me worth; what my true purpose is first. "...He requires only that you fear the Lord your God, and live in a way that pleases Him, love Him, serve Him with all your heart and soul. You must always obey the Lord's commands and decrees..."
I am to love God with all of me first! Then, I bet I can love my self and others better.
All I really have, really need is God, my Lord, my Redeemer, My Savior!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Are you a fire starter or a fire extinguisher?
It's an honest question. Which do you tend to be? A person who starts fires or puts them out?
I would rather be a fire extinguisher most of the time. I don't enjoy conflict and I certainly am not the type to go around and look for fires to start. It baffles me how some individuals choose to start fires. I guess they are bored? Miserable, insecure? I can't say for sure, but I think some actually enjoy watching others burn up.
I have a person in my life who is like this and I am not close to them, but they still manage to light me on fire when they get the chance. This person really does this when they are feeling put out, inconvenienced, or think they are being treated unfairly. So when this happens, said person jumps to conclusions and immediately ignites me with a fire breathing mouth. He/She doesn't stop to think, request, clarify or ask. This person just assumes the victim role.
It takes A LOT for me NOT to burn them right back. Yes, I am guilty of defending myself (I have my fire uniform on). I do sometimes need to apologize to fire starters when I fanned the flame so to speak. Sometimes I am wrong and although the fire wasn't the best approach well I have to take responsibility for my part.
However, when all is said and I am trying to put out the last little ember, I grow as a fire extinguisher. I choose peace...because this is what the Lord asks of me, of all of us.
Do I like this person much? Nope, that is why we are not close, but I choose to extend forgiveness and grace.
I don't know how much coal reaping on said person's head happens, but to be right before the Lord is more important. I model my fire extinguishing to this person and hopefully others bear witness to it.
I choose to get the water hose out, douse the flames, and be peaceful.
Which one are you and what will you choose?
I would rather be a fire extinguisher most of the time. I don't enjoy conflict and I certainly am not the type to go around and look for fires to start. It baffles me how some individuals choose to start fires. I guess they are bored? Miserable, insecure? I can't say for sure, but I think some actually enjoy watching others burn up.
I have a person in my life who is like this and I am not close to them, but they still manage to light me on fire when they get the chance. This person really does this when they are feeling put out, inconvenienced, or think they are being treated unfairly. So when this happens, said person jumps to conclusions and immediately ignites me with a fire breathing mouth. He/She doesn't stop to think, request, clarify or ask. This person just assumes the victim role.
It takes A LOT for me NOT to burn them right back. Yes, I am guilty of defending myself (I have my fire uniform on). I do sometimes need to apologize to fire starters when I fanned the flame so to speak. Sometimes I am wrong and although the fire wasn't the best approach well I have to take responsibility for my part.
However, when all is said and I am trying to put out the last little ember, I grow as a fire extinguisher. I choose peace...because this is what the Lord asks of me, of all of us.
Do I like this person much? Nope, that is why we are not close, but I choose to extend forgiveness and grace.
I don't know how much coal reaping on said person's head happens, but to be right before the Lord is more important. I model my fire extinguishing to this person and hopefully others bear witness to it.
I choose to get the water hose out, douse the flames, and be peaceful.
Which one are you and what will you choose?
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